19 day run up in smoke
 

It felt so good, but. . First things first . You guys are the best. I couldn't ask for more from a Support standpoint. I know what I need to do. I let myself down and I'm feeling it. I've been reliving those 19 days and want to get back there and will

Lots of I's , I this , I that. One more. I'm up ready to get started , again. No pity party

Tr

Aw ..sweetie? What's going on? How and where is your plan failing? You want this yet something is tripping you up time and time again. What can you do when it gets so bad you feel you have no other choice than to poison yourself one way or another? What can you do before that happens? Who can you reach out to? Do you post here BEFORE?

All is not lost. That's 19 sober days.......and that's great! Know how u r feelin tho. Been there, done that. Still struggling myself. Day 1 for me 2day as well. No pity party for me either. Just getting up, and starting over. Its normal to feel let down tho, I completly get that. Hang tough, we can do this. Look around, so many have. Feel better. :hug:

Hi Triky,
Unfortunately I'm right there with you....was on 14 days yesterday and then blew it last night. Trying to move onward and upward and heading back to a meeting today. It's such a horrible feeling to get some good sober time just to give it up for a stupid beer/drink but let's not beat ourselves up and continue the fight. We can do this.

Hey Ricky 19 days is stunning ,

Get back on the sober bike and see where we can go this time :)

Try and work out how to avoid the pitfalls ahead .

19 greens in a row on the calendear can't be taken away from you :You_Rock_

Bestwishes, m

For me during what your going through I needed flesh meetings, use phone numbers and get honest with myself. I had no power within to overcome all my broken promises to myself. Not being religious I balked at asking for help forgetting all the praying I did while in a jam, as a flesh higher power namely a policeman, jailer and a judge were real higher powers. From the first time I asked for help my burden was lifted for over +30 years and I'm still not religious but am more spiritual now. BE WELL

All any of us have is today,
Don't drink/pick up today
take care

Hey rick,,
You will have those days back in no time,, dust yourself down. Maybe there is something to learn in this for you,, that way it can be turned into a positive. Rooting for you.
Ando

Rick, you have been so supportive of everyone here please know that we are all here for you. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and come on back. No one said this was going to be easy but you learn a little more each time.

I'm thinking my brain wants pain. I can only be happy for whatever period of time. It's definitely subconscious. Once it takes over there's control on my part. I was feeling really good on Monday and Tuesday , then wam.

Hey Ricky, so sorry about this for you...I know how it feels. As everyone else has said, pick yourself up, dust off, and get going again.

I do think that Nuudawn's questions are good ones, though. I know for me, I eventually had to figure out what exactly kept triggering me to drink even after I got some decent (well, in my case three or four days was decent..) time going and why I just couldn't seem to stop. It took a lot of soul searching that I really didn't want to do but that's eventually what led me to make decisions that made it stick (so far). A huge amount of those decisions were about finally admitting I needed outside help. That I couldn't do it myself. And I can be one very, very stubborn and prideful person so this was NOT an easy thing for me. AT ALL.

So what was it about those 19 days? Were you white-knuckling it? If not, then what was keeping you sane and sober? Do you still do any NA? Can you come here first and post before using?

And how about getting rid of your dealer's number, friend...once and for all?

You know eventually that you will kick this thing, it's just a question of when.

Thinking of you as always and sending you a huge hug and lots of strength today :)

White knuckling ?

Yeah, like just will-powering through it or hanging on so tight in an attempt not to use that your knuckles turned white (metaphorically)?

Yes , for the first week but after the days added up it got easier. I thought about it constantly though then I just gave in. I feel like crap, you know , chest throbbing . I don't want to feel like this ever again.

Aw, Ricky, I feel for you. If you're feeling really bad, please go to the doctor. And the good news is that you never have to feel like this again. I think my last relapse (after six weeks sober) was such a emotional and physical crash for me that it finally kicked my butt into getting sober this time.

It can and will be the same for you.

Please take good care of yourself today.

Thinking of you :hug:

Don't beat yourself up Riky and get back on the saddle. It might also be helpful for you to write up what happened, where you were, how you were feeling etc. to get a clear idea of that pitfall so you don't fall into it again.
You might also want to look at your recovery plan and see if there are things which need to be changed or added.
:welcome back to recovery

I called a friend who can help , he's secretary at a local NA facility

I'm glad you're taking action.

For what it's worth, I sabotaged myself time and again. When things started to seem better in my life, I'd feel so uncomfortable. It was fear of change and it kept me drinking for longer than it should have.

Be sure that you know you are worth all the work it will take for you to be sober and live a life in recovery.

Triky - You're back & wanting to try again. That's what counts. Sorry for the pain you're in, but it will end. This can be the last time. We believe in you.