So sorry that you are going through this. When I get depressed, I know in my head that certain things might make me feel less depressed. However, because I feel depressed, it seems impossible to do the very things that could make me less depressed. It can be a vicious cycle. In my experience, just taking one very small step - something as simple as taking a walk around the block or changing one aspect of my usual routine (maybe changing the radio station I listen to on the way to work) can be energizing and can make it a bit easier to take another small step.

It is good that you are reaching out to SR for support, and that you are considering seeing a doctor.

Think of what you might say to a friend in this situation, and exercise that same kindness toward yourself.

I appreciate all the support that I have received. Just knowing that I am not alone in this has helped.

Tonight my husbands work situation had rainbows shining through. This is a relief and I am so happy for him. I am thinking that my adrenals are taxed, and so I am taking the necessary steps to get back on track. I took my own advice that I give to so many others, and purchased some natural products for my well being. This will take time. I am not playing doctor, but I am doing what I can with the resources that are available to me.

Tomorrow I am off from work, and I think I really just need to play a little, go for a walk and smell the flowers. There is a pond right where I live which is really beautiful. I plan to go there and get some school work done.

I can not tackle all of my problems at the moment, and frankly I don't need or want too. Sometimes there is nothing to be done. I am not the ruler of the Universe. I will let the cards fall where they may. I am tired of thinking about all of this. Yet, I know that I have anxiety which can flare up when life is very stressful. I need a reprieve from all of these troubles.

If my mental and emotional state does not improve after awhile, in 2 weeks, I will go to the doctor. My only aversion is that I was put on medication in the past that did not agree with me, and I ended up in a terrible place. It took months to recover from the damage. Whatever stability that I have (more than before) needs to stay that way. I am a sensitive human.

Okay. So, I feel alright tonight. I am okay.

Mizzuno: You wrote "I can not tackle all of my problems at the moment, and frankly I don't need or want too. Sometimes there is nothing to be done. I am not the ruler of the Universe. I will let the cards fall where they may."

I think that there is wisdom in what you said. I sense an opening here. Don't try to imagine all the horrible things which you fear may happen. It's best to tackle life one day at a time, one problem at a time. Just pick one thing that you think you might be able to do something about. And don't get frustrated if that doesn't work out. Just pick something else and try that. And focus on the positive, the half full stuff not the half empty stuff. The trees are there, the flowers, the animals, your guitar. And often there is a sunny day. Your husband's job situation is better. Don't give up on antidepressants if your doctor thinks you can benefit. Perhaps some of the problems with this in the past may have been that you were drinking. Drinking with antidepressants is really giving the body mixed signals, since alcohol is a very powerful depressant. Good luck.

W.

Heyyyy....easy now.

****Mizz, sorry you're feeling down. I can only repeat what Ptcapote said, about the snowballing thing. It's very natural to start to "connect the dots" and then it's only a matter of time before..... :gaah That is probably the only "advice" I can offer, though I am well aware that advice isn't something that's always needed in this situation.

I empathize, it seems like during tough times, every new little bump in the road becomes a mountain. And it sucks. I wonder if that essay hanging over your head is creating a dark cloud? Sometimes when I know that I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING as opposed to doing things I enjoy, it paints everything in a negative light. Essays aren't easy (I think we should call them "hardays" maybe?), and uncompleted tasks, etc, can kind of gnaw on you from within. Then again it sounds like there's a lot more going on there.

One thing at a time, Mizz. Good luck and hope you're feeling better, sounds like you're on the right track and there are some good ideas here for you to draw from.

Mizzuno I'm sorry that you are feeling the way you are, you've got a lot of good sound advice, I just want to chime in with your own words ...

Please go back and read those words again. Relax and create. Without relaxation and creation in our lives we are out of balance and when we are out of balance ... I guess you get my drift.

In our shop we sell art materials. Two of our customers earn their living from art, the others are hobbyists of various intensity and frequency. Something I hear over and over again from so many of them is, "When I don't do any art I don't feel right."

Relax and create Mizz. Maybe watch the setting sun as you strum on Norma.

I want to add to previous comments on relaxing and creating. I have been engaged in creative writing since June. There are not enough hours in the day--that's how much I enjoy it. But I also remember to stop and play with my cat. My life is simple right now, but there is joy in the everyday things.

Everyone right now is stressed by the economic situation in the US and Europe. I'm thinking that it may be best to retire abroad. There's a book by a woman and her husband who quit their jobs and moved to Costa Rica. It's called Happier Than a Billionaire. She has a blog too. Anyway, my point is that sometimes you have to be brave to change your life. I am not a fan of the yoga/depression medication approach because I am not convinced that our problems are all internal. I think there is something seriously wrong with the way most of us are living our lives these days. Too much emphasis on enslaving ourselves to demanding jobs in the name of material wealth and a false sense of security.

Yes, this is it. Then everything else. I need some inspiration to write....I am signing off and heading into Essay land. When I resurface, I will have one problem tackled. The other problems can take care of themselves for today..

Thank you.

Bigsombrero (Norm : )....I do believe "Norman" also represents the writer/observer in me. I love "Norman".

Glad to hear your back on track Mizz!!!!

Glad to hear you are on the upswing :)

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this Mizzuno and that you and your husband are facing so much. I have nothing to add to the great advice here so just wanted to say I hear you and I'm rooting for you. I'm glad you're going to spend some time by the pond tomorrow. Being near the water always helps my mood.

Its been 3 days since my gloomy post. I plan on keeping track of this thread so that I can look back when the two weeks is up. I will go to the doctor if things do not improve. I am taking supplements and monitoring my mood. Ive become a private detective for my moody disposition.

I have dropped off some of my demo responsibilities due to stress, and not being able to get everything done. Full time school, work, demos, and taking care of the home environment is enough.

My mood fluctuates from moments of guilt, waking with a heaviness, going to bed with a heaviness, to feeling alright some of the time. I am moving forward. This is all I can do.

This essay is driving me nuts. I just read it to my husband, and his response was that it was not up to par. So, I am thinking about this. What a bummer. I have been struggling with this damn paper all week. Just when I think I have it, I get a response that It is more narration and not enough description......

Anyways, I would like the powers that be to send a million dollars to my mail box so that I can afford to get my back taken care of, and also pay for the astronomical dental fees. My husband would like a Nissan Pathfinder.The rest i will donate to a good cause.

Thank you. No drinks. Just trying to breath. Nuudawn says i am fond of this breathing thing. I just think it is a natural response to my being alive....... :)

So, I guess I am alright.