Trying to cut down, new member
 

Hi, I'm 42 and mum to little boy of 3 who is autistic. Life is hard and I use alcohol to relieve stress and wind down, I'm getting through 1-1.5 bottles a night at the moment and it's affecting my health. I need to be healthy to be around for as long as possible for my son but when I try to stop it usually only lasts 3-5 days (if that) and then I start again. I also need to lose around 3 stone in weight and know that the alcohol isn't helping in that respect either. Generally feeling very low and have suffered from depression since I was a teenager. Hoping to get some support in the times that I'm likely to give in :sad2:

Welcome!!! I am so glad you are joining us here. SR is a very supportive site.
I am a mom to 2 kids, one with some health issues. I can understand the need to take care of yourself in order to take care of a child. You can do it!! And we are here to help! Post often. :)

Thank you Earthsteps :)
I've tried hypnotherapy, self help books, hypno cds, nothing seems to work. Well not for longer than a few days! x

welcome.I'm a mum of a little boytoo and realized years ago that I have a drink problem. It's got progressively worse and Iwas also drinking 1-1.5 bottles wine a night too. Since quitting my depression and anxiety have eased,making me see that the alochol was not easing it at all but causing it. I've tried to cut down many times over the years,never succeeded. Once I have 1 glassit turns into a bottle.Iknow I can'tjust have 1 or 2,don't see the point as drank to get drunk/merry. Have you tried to cut down before? For me,total abstinence is the only answer.I'm 7.5 months now and lose nearly 2 stones,feel miles better and am amuch better mum. I used to read on here aboutpeople quittingand their lives became so muchbetter.I was scpetical but it's true.My life has changed for thebetter in so many ways. Yours can too. It's hard in the early days,readjusting but you can do it if you are committed to quitting. I use AVRT/Rational Recovery-you can get the book off Amazon or lookat the website. Urge surfing also works for me.Plus SRof course,which I couldn't do without :)

:welcome

You will find plenty of support here.

Take care of yourself physically/medically especially if you decide to sober up.

Best to you and child!

Welcome. AA is the obvious choice you have not tried. Many people are reluctant to go to AA because that would mean that they had to admit to themselves that they were an alcoholic which is a very bitter pill to swallow

hi seraphine, and welcome.

i'm a mum too, and since getting sober i can already see the difference in my relationship with my daughter. i am emotionally present in a way i wasn't for so long.

have you asked your GP if there is an alcohol service in your town? i got referred to one, and start group treatment next week.

good luck on your journey.

It will come. Concentrate on the moment, then the hour, then the day.

Moderation is not usually an option for someone who would come to a recovery website. Recovery by its definition is the search for abstinence not moderation.

If moderation worked for us, we would have a moderation forum with all kinds of posts about how we moderated, success stories, etc. We don't.

Regardless there is great support here. Keep posting and good luck.

(((Welcome)))). Keep posting...stay with us. I know for myself I had to remove "alcohol" completely in order to deal. It was my crutch and coping mechanism. Well..how I could I learn to not use it..if it remained an option?

Yes, I had to remove everything too. No moderation for this gal. Just doesn't work for a binge drinker.

Welcome Seraphine! We're glad to have you with us. :) I felt so much better when I joined SR - I wasn't alone anymore.

Self medicating with alcohol for depression and stress really backfires on us. It seems to help relieve our anxiety - but it's only temporary, & in the end it does nothing to help our situation. I found myself completely dependent on it before I quit. I was using it almost 'round the clock to numb myself. I'm so glad you've decided to take a look at what it's doing to your life and health. I hope you'll find the support here that you're looking for - we care about you and want to help. :)

Thanks everyone :) I have now ordered the book Rational Recovery in the hope that it will help! Tried Allen Carr's book and it did work but only for 5 days each time (read it twice). Good to know that others have succeeded. Do you not think it's possible to be an occasional drinker?

Seraphine, for me personally the answer was no. I spent too many years trying to cut down rather than admit I had a problem. This final time I found the only way was to prioritise my sobriety. Keep close here and the advise above from others is all good. Try everything til you find what works best for you. Focus on you future with your boy and it will all start to fall into place. There is a mums forum here, I am sure someone will point you in the right direction for more advice and support. Good luck!

That's what I strived for, Seraphine - to be a social drinker. I couldn't imagine letting go of it all together, but in the end it brought me nothing but misery. Every time I got one drink in my system - my resolve to just have 'a few' went out the window. Over a 30 yr. period I proved to myself I couldn't moderate. I had to let go of the idea I could ever control it - and then I was able to get free.

Welcome Seraphine :)

not for me. or the vast majority of stories I read here, I'm afraid.

Have you tried it in the past?

D

You know "hangin on the hope of being an occasional drinker" is counterproductive. Just even thinking about it. Don't think about tomorrow. Focus on being sober today..this moment..with each arriving situation. You really don't have to think "never again"...you only need think.."not today"...everyday. You will discover the blessings in sobriety and perhaps then you can think about tomorrow. For me...tomorrow was just to overwhelming. I'm at almost 7 weeks..and well, I can think of "never again..without it freaking the hell out of me...now : )

Thanks everyone :)

Dee74, I only started drinking heavily around 2005. I can remember being shocked in 2004 when a work colleague said she drank half a bottle of wine a night......how naive!!! Had some bad things happen and drinking escalated, at the worst it was 2 bottles of wine a day. I cut down when trying for a baby, and when I fell pregnant with my son I stopped completely. And hardly touched a drop when breastfeeding. So I know I can do it, but my motivation isn't there anymore which upsets me because if I could do it for my son before why can't I do it for him now?

When I stopped breastfeeding I was only having the occasional drink and it didn't bother me. I did go to a local alcohol advice service (before I had my son) and they were very good but I don't have transport and at the time was caring for elderly relative, so it was awkward to get there and I stopped going. Couldn't go now because of my son.

Another question (sorry) is it best to reduce or go cold turkey? And another problem, it's my birthday on Friday and we have 4 hours respite for my son, hubby is taking me out for lunch. I really want to stop drinking today. But is it better to wait until after Friday? Can I go out and have a couple and no more than that and come home and remain sober at home? :?

I think it's best to see a Dr if you can.

As you're a parent, I really think it's the safest option - more safe than either cutting back or cold turkey.

I'm not in the UK but others will be along with more localised suggestions soon, I'm sure :)

D

Hi Seraphine

For me,the only day to quit was today.There is always a reason/event to drink-your birthday,your husband's birthday, party,holiday, bank holiday weekend,BBQ with friends,Christmas day,work party, lunch with friends, a hot English summer's day :)

Putting it off never works as there will always be a future event.Today is theonlyday to stop.

For me, if I went out and drank 2 it would lead to more.Even if I managed it once I'd be so proud,surely I didn't have a problem? Great stuff.So next night back to 1-2bottles. Abstinence is the only way for me.

I stopped also when pregnant. It's easy to justify it but so easy to start again when the baby is born. I had to want to do it for me, which I did in the end.Through me quitting my son is now getting the benefits.

Nuudawn makes an excellent point. Forever seems so far. I started off thinking about staying sober today. As time goes on forever doesn't seem as scary.

Moderation didn't work for me either. I'm guessing if you're 42 you've tried it many times and know it doesn't work for you either. If you're truly honest with yourself that's what's brought you here.

As many people say on here,once you start having to think about controlling your drinking it is already in control of you.