i drank/relapsed and i'm glad I did...
 

so i had about 5 and a half months into sobriety and I showed up to san francisco and had a few drinks with a friend, then didn't drink again for a week. I went to a resort for a couple days and on the way back through wine country i had a beer with dinner since y'know, i had a few in san fran with no issues. then, I stopped in a small napa valley town and wound up being there for two days getting sloppy, followed by another 5 days in marin county area getting REALLY sloppy. I mean, passing out on benches sloppy. So stupid, and when the whirlwind finally passed I basically felt like a complete waste of life for a couple days, but now today I'm feeling good again and thinking maybe I needed this to show myself that, no, even though I might be able to drink one or two beers it will very likely lead to a massive relapse. And I'm lucky this time that just some embarrassing behavior in places where no one knows me occurred, and spending ,ore money than frankly I can afford to spend, especially on self-hatred and self-destruction, and I'm now back on a track that I was getting way too comfortable with the idea of leaving, and all I really have to show for it is some bad feelings for a few days and a rather painful financial 'injury' due to the overspending, but like all financial semi-crises I shall recover.

Anyway, posting for the first time in a while cuz I've been traveling and I thought maybe someone's in my boat and my words could help them get through the bad feelings, or perhaps they're thinking about jumping in that boat I got myself in to for a stupid week - DON'T DO IT!!!!!

Although I can't say I've ever comfortable when people go to a place of self loathing and shame after a relapse..can't say I'm all that comfortable with the "glad I did" part either.

Ah well, if you learned something..that isn't forgotten in another 5 or 6 months I guess it's worthwhile.

All the best Avocado..keep on keeping on.

Quitting took a long time for me , i'm not sure if i'd class that time as relapsing or not .. it spanned years .
My head was there, i knew i should do it, that i had a problem but emotionaly i couldn't get it .
When i quit, sept 2011 i had an emotional revelation .

Relapse just is'nt part of my recovery, i have nothing to prove, there is peace and serenity . For me the battles are over , so is the war .

Take care ,

Bestwishes, M

My last relapse led me into a 2 year run. I believe I would not be where I am spiritually and mentally if not for that experience. My recovery is stronger than ever. It put things really into perspective for me. I now understand the program I need to work. During that time our disease took the life of my best friend. God has different plans for me.

Glad you're back on the right track now.:)

Thank you for sharing this, Avocado!

It's a great reminder to everyone who has some considerable sober time under the belt that the road to drinking hell start with "just one".

Best wishes to you)

good to see you back avocado :)

I really hope you can make this into a turning point :)

D

Avocado, glad you're back :)