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i drank/relapsed and i'm glad I did...

Old 06-21-2013, 11:25 PM
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i drank/relapsed and i'm glad I did...

so i had about 5 and a half months into sobriety and I showed up to san francisco and had a few drinks with a friend, then didn't drink again for a week. I went to a resort for a couple days and on the way back through wine country i had a beer with dinner since y'know, i had a few in san fran with no issues. then, I stopped in a small napa valley town and wound up being there for two days getting sloppy, followed by another 5 days in marin county area getting REALLY sloppy. I mean, passing out on benches sloppy. So stupid, and when the whirlwind finally passed I basically felt like a complete waste of life for a couple days, but now today I'm feeling good again and thinking maybe I needed this to show myself that, no, even though I might be able to drink one or two beers it will very likely lead to a massive relapse. And I'm lucky this time that just some embarrassing behavior in places where no one knows me occurred, and spending ,ore money than frankly I can afford to spend, especially on self-hatred and self-destruction, and I'm now back on a track that I was getting way too comfortable with the idea of leaving, and all I really have to show for it is some bad feelings for a few days and a rather painful financial 'injury' due to the overspending, but like all financial semi-crises I shall recover.

Anyway, posting for the first time in a while cuz I've been traveling and I thought maybe someone's in my boat and my words could help them get through the bad feelings, or perhaps they're thinking about jumping in that boat I got myself in to for a stupid week - DON'T DO IT!!!!!
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Old 06-21-2013, 11:33 PM
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Although I can't say I've ever comfortable when people go to a place of self loathing and shame after a relapse..can't say I'm all that comfortable with the "glad I did" part either.

Ah well, if you learned something..that isn't forgotten in another 5 or 6 months I guess it's worthwhile.

All the best Avocado..keep on keeping on.
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Old 06-22-2013, 12:08 AM
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Quitting took a long time for me , i'm not sure if i'd class that time as relapsing or not .. it spanned years .
My head was there, i knew i should do it, that i had a problem but emotionaly i couldn't get it .
When i quit, sept 2011 i had an emotional revelation .

Relapse just is'nt part of my recovery, i have nothing to prove, there is peace and serenity . For me the battles are over , so is the war .

Take care ,

Bestwishes, M
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Old 06-22-2013, 12:13 AM
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My last relapse led me into a 2 year run. I believe I would not be where I am spiritually and mentally if not for that experience. My recovery is stronger than ever. It put things really into perspective for me. I now understand the program I need to work. During that time our disease took the life of my best friend. God has different plans for me.
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Old 06-22-2013, 12:57 AM
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Glad you're back on the right track now.
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Old 06-22-2013, 01:01 AM
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Thank you for sharing this, Avocado!

It's a great reminder to everyone who has some considerable sober time under the belt that the road to drinking hell start with "just one".

Best wishes to you)
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Old 06-22-2013, 02:06 AM
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good to see you back avocado

I really hope you can make this into a turning point

D
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Old 06-22-2013, 02:52 AM
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Avocado, glad you're back
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