I am out :-(
 

Just wanted to TY guys/girls for all the support I have gotten here. But I am not in a place I like right now & feel isolation is best for me. I am an plan to stay sober, that is not a problem now. I will check this post tomorrow from my PC just to thank everyone 1 last time. Again TY all.

your call of course, but I think isolation is about the worst thing we can do.

I tended to think way too much left to my own devices - I needed to connect with people and feel a part of something...I needed to be accountable too.

whats the problem with checking in here AW?

D

I hope you figure out what you need to figure out. Always someone here to listen and help. Have a great weekend.

Yes, why choose to isolate? Isolation was about the worst thing in the world for my own addiction.

Whatever you feel is right, but I always felt when someone tells people they want to be alone, in telling people they are shouting out the opposite indirectly.

Even just coming here and reading people's posts helps.
Sometimes I fall asleep reading, which is nice, also because I have spent two hours reading encouraging stuf...mind off of the anxiety, and its not two hours drinking on the couch.

Good luck to you. Hope all is well.
And if that's what works for you the. More power to you, personally I just get in my head too much and that's not a cycle that ends easily

I second that Jennie. My addiction thrived in isolation because it prevented me from fully seeing the consequences of my drinking, particularly the effect it had on others around me.

Do what you need to do August, but if it's sobriety you want, I doubt you will find a more supportive, understanding, forgiving and helpful community than the good folks here at SR.

Your reasons are what they are, but ( Only asking and I dont know how else to say it) why post that you are out? I would not have made a post at all, I just would have left. Are you willing to talk about it? I hope that you will reconsider. Support is essential in everyone's life.

AW, I don't want to read too much into your post, but I think it might be helpful to ask yourself what you're seeking right now?

I have often found that when people say things like "don't worry about me" what they really mean is "please worry about me".

Maybe that isn't the case for you, but if it is, it might be good for you to try thinking about what needs you are feeling and how you can ask for them directly.

Again, please excuse me if I'm overstepping, I only know that it took me a long time to learn how to express my needs directly. I would do things like not call friends to see how long it would take them to call me, or go away for the weekend without telling anyone to see if anyone noticed. It made me unhappy and never elicited the responses I hoped for. Learning how to recognize my needs and express them directly has made me a lot happier.

For me...I'm either facing toward the Light of the Spirit or turning my back on it. I sometimes will look away from the Light...but I always try to turn back. Leaving any type of on-going recovery should really be thought about.
I always like to run things by my sponsor....but that's just me. Good luck...

Maybe isolation isnt such a great idea. It can really be hard to come back from, and you can risk becoming a shut in. The longer you are alone, the more your social skills deplete and you end up having a harder time re-assimilating back into society. At the very least, I would check the forum and communicate, so you have some interaction and support, but its your call.

Hi, August.

I second all that's been said above - isolation isn't the best choice, IMHO.

I am quite a "lonely wolf" myself, and generally I'm ok with that. But I have to admit that my addiction loved isolation as well.

I don't know your reasons for that. I can only tell out of my own experience. Sometimes I seek isolation in order "to sort things out" and understand who I am and what I want in life and to avoid pressure from those who are close to me.

But it's a different story with SR - for the last 8 months I sorted out more than, I think, in the last 10 years.

Anyway, whatever your decision is, remember there are always people here who will support you and offer light of their souls when you need it.

Best luck to you.

I agree with MB-I'm quite an 'alone' person too and I'm quite happy with that. I don't really feel the need to be out socialising...but SR is a different matter. It's being in here and listening to and learning from others that has made the difference to my life.

I've known many who have left this forum and then slipped because their addiction got them all to itself.

Be well. Be strong. And remember where we are x

We'll keep the lights on for you. if you ever feel like chatting we're just a click or two away.

Best of luck on your journey!

I'm sorry you're not in a good place right now. We understand, as we've been in that same place before. I hope when you check in again, you'll feel the support of SR and decide to not isolate yourself.

Thank you all; I do feel the support here; allot .. But I have to move and I will not be able to afford the net .. I will read from time to time when I can get to public net. But not seeking attention; I might be crying out; but the main reason for this post was b\c I wanted to let the few who have reached out know why I wasn't returning their messages . I am staying sober; I have no choice in the matter now. I know this .. I am just in a very dark place and really don't know where else to go but in a hole . Between my physical pain and the mental pain; I am done. I have no where else to turn to nothing else to offer anyone. I have hit the point where I have 2 choices now; stay in this town w\ no family or friends; or go back to my home town and more then likely end up self medicating cause I have no insurance own there .. Be it alcohol or anything to take the pain away .. Sooner or later I would be alone or dead anyway .. Yes I sound bleak I know; but I have been this way 30 or so years and don't know any other way to be .. But as I said I am and will stay sober in this town . I am not sure how often I will be able to check or respond in the next coming weeks; so again I just wanted to let some nice people who extended their hand to me what was up .. I should be able to respond today & maybe tomorrow. Not 100% positive though .. Again TY all so much .. I know I have support here when I can get to wifi.. :You_Rock_

Good Morning AG,
Nice to hear from you. I look forward to hearing from you when you do get on line. Our public library here, has free internet and computers too.....just a thought:)

A place that I and millions go is AA for help and it can easily be free. In your general area there are hundreds of meetings a day. We have to get out of ourselves and be honest, I wasn't for a couple of years so I suffered. I found that my thinking sure wasn't my strong point as it was cluttered with too much stuff that got me into this condition in the first place. BE WELL

Thanx; here too; but I hate people lol as in Public :( Agoraphobia blows .. But as I said I will try to .. Depends on how work goes and all that .. If I feel like dealing w\ the people and so on ..

Thanx; but AA is not for me; too many people .. I get too anxious; to the point of passing out :( But TY.

There are many helpful recovery sources
available to help anyone and everyone who
has the willingness and openmindedness
to use them in helping them learn to stay
clean and sober a day at a time.

Sober Recovery is just one of many of those
sources available to help us. It is one of many
tools to use each day.

Im 22 yrs sober and began my recovery
journey in rehab where family stepped in
to get me help I so desperately needed to
begin learning about my alcoholism, which
is my drug of choice, and received tools
and knowledge of a recovery program to
incorporate in my everyday life.

One day while looking online for something
else I could use as an added bonus or tool
each day that I didn't make an AA meeting,
I found Sober Recovery along with many
other online sites to fill in the void.

I was able to connect here each day and
stay connected 24 hours a day if needed,
reading and passin on my own experiences,
strengths and hopes of what my life was
and is like before, during and after my drinking
career.

In the beginning I first had to learn about
my addiction to alcohol and how it affected
my body, mind and soul. And how and why
it affected all those around me. Those 28 days
in rehab was a good start for me and from
there I attended a 6 week outpatient aftercare
program and many many recovery meetings
in AA while being a mother to 2 little ones and
my husband at that time in my life.

Fast forward to 22 yrs sober, 23 yrs this
coming August 11, I am still using SR to
continue helping others struggling with
addiction by passing on my own ESH with
them. In doing so, I can continue to live
alcohol free, honest, happier, content and
enjoying the promises offered to us as
stated in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Listen, learn, absorb and apply all that you
can about addiction and pass on that knowledge
to others. :)

As I said before I will log in and read as often as I can; just won't be answering messages or post. I love this place and the people .I just have nothing I can offer anyone right now and wanted the people who reached out to understand why I am not responding . I have been reading books and taking in a lot of info . Plan to stay sober; if I am in this town w\ the insurance I have it shouldn't be a problem. But as I said if I am forced to goto my home town then I am in trouble .

I am not sure where you are going but if there is an AA local chapter or AA intergroup in your area you can call them and get information on smaller discussion groups, Big book or 12 step meetings. Some of these tend to be smaller. Also women or men only groups tend to be smaller as well. The people that work the chapter and at intergroup go to the local meetings themselves and can give you first hand advice on these meetings. They can also give rides to people.

There are also 12 step call options. That is were one or several people come to you. They can talk to you at home and perhaps suggest small meetings.

Just another option to think about. It would be far better to reach out then to place yourself in isolation. Just because you can't reach SR does not mean you cannot reach out. There is help, if you want it.

TY I understand that; and as I said AA is not for me .. Been there done that .. the 12 steps is something I am not all for .. But I am going to try and get "here" just won't be answering messages or posts. Again TY all so much.. Hopefully after I see my Doc Wednesday; and speak about counseling I might be in a better place.

I am sorry. I misunderstood your post to mean AA was not for you because there was to many people and that caused the anxiety.

I wish you well in whatever recovery plan you decide works for you.

We don't have to decide on any particular
recovery program right here and now. There
are so many programs available out there
for the chosing and that can be decided
down the road.

What's important right now and at this moment
is learning about addiction. There are many
addictions that affect people everyday and
it is killing many everyday. Not because they
want to die, they just want to stop the insanity
of not knowing why it affects them the way it
does and not knowing how to stop it before
it kills them.

There are so many resources available with
people that are trained in areas of addiction
and how to help those who need it and can't
stop the addiction on their own.

For me, I was one of those who tried countless
time to stop drinking for one reason or another
and failed many times. I wanted to stop but the
addiction to a drug or alcohol was too powerful
and attractive that I couldn't and didn't want to
leave it alone.

It continued to call my name loudly, secretively,
softly, inticing me, tricking me, luring me in many
different way and I was too weak to leave it alone
till it nearly killed me.

It wasn't my fault that I couldn't stop on my
own. Addiction to anything is extremely powerful.
Learning why I was addicted to alcohol and how
it affected me personally, my own body, system,
makeup, mind, physically, mentally, emotionally,
physcologically, then and only then was I able to
not drink one day at a time.

It's not my fault and no one is to blame for my
addiction. Addiction is real and can be treated
by many recovery solutions available to us. I
had to be taught just like going to school to
learn a trade. Someone had to be the teacher
and I was the pupil who had to begin learning
from kindegarden till now. And even now, im
still learning new ways to live happy and free
without my addiction.

The most rewarding thing about recovery is,
I didn't and don't have to learn this stuff on
my own. There will always be someone, somewhere's
to help me understand things I don't know or
cant figure out and that is extremely comforting
to know.

I surely couldn't be sober this long on my own
because I surely didn't want to be sober 22yrs ago
or yrs. before.

Im grateful for all those who were instrumental
in my own recovery. All those who learned themselves
how to stay sober or clean a day at a time from
those before them and passed on that knowledge
to me.

Be willing, teachable, responsible, accepting, honest
and you too will know what it is like to be happy. :)

August, I know things can feel bleak and dark. I would love to give you some comforting cliche, but I know how annoying those are when you are feeling low. The best advice I can offer is to not view the big picture at this time or try and predict how things will go if you move, or even if you will "die alone". That sort of thought process will continue to keep you down and feeling low, which the addiction LOVES.
I also have had paralyzing anxiety, especially in social situations with large groups or unfamiliar places, so I know how terrible it can be. There is no worse feeling in the world, at least that I have experienced. You are at around 2 weeks sober, so you really havent even began to feel what life can be like if you allow yourself more time to heal. You wont always have that horrible anxiety and pain, it will pass and become something you can manage. You may have some anxiety, as I think like me, you are prone to it, but it doesn't have to control you at the level it is right now. You are in withdrawal, and that can really toy with your emotions and outlook. Recognize this as a symptom of the addiction, and try and not put to much stock into those thoughts. It wont always appear this dark and hopeless, I promise. Its just how it seems to go at the start of sobriety, and your thoughts will race, and your emotions will be all over the board. The thing is, it will level out as your brain heals and your chemicals start to balance, but it takes time. The way you feel right now, is not how you will feel in even a month from now, let alone in say a year. Things can really turn around for the better, as long as you stick with the sobriety through this trying stage. I feel for you, because I remember how awful it can be. Hang in there ;)

Thanx I am sticking w\ being sober no doubt in my mind; but I am loosing my home; my cats and the woman I love .. So a week\month\year won't make a bit of difference :( It is not the addiction or w\drawls It is my life crumbling around me that has me in this dark place .. Sorry if that was "rude" ..

So many have lost everything that has meant
a lot to them, coming so close to destroying
what they have worked so hard for. So close
to death themselves.

Death is final. To die would mean not having
anything else to worry about. No loved ones,
no home, no job. Nothing.

Many of that stuff in our lives is just that. STUFF.

We can always replace STUFF, but we can't replace
ourselves or loved ones if we die due to addiction.

I listened to many who shared how close to
death they were. Those committed to the physciatric
ward. Ive been there. :( Just one night because I
tried to end my miserable life with pills and a dare
that I would do it. That was when family called the
authorities to pick me up and feeling like a common
criminal.

Did I think about the kids last day of vacation
bible school of fun and swimming. Not one thought
crossed my mind when I downed those pills. Did
I think about my little ones living the rest of their lives
without their mom. Not even a thought made me
stop when I down those pills.

Addiction doesn't care who it kills, who it hurts,
it shows no mercy. It doesn't care if u loose family
or loved ones. It doesn't care if u loose ur home,
job, ur physical or mental health.


Drugs and alcohol has its own job to do then
to worry about all that other stuff that means
so much to us.

Im glad I had help to put alcohol in its place.
Yes, it is dormant, asleep, and no one can wake
it but me if I give into the temptation of it if I
stop living a program of recovery.

Just like a home that gets old by the wear and
tear of yrs. weathered and lived in. Maintenance
as needed is important to stay strong for yrs.
on end. Maintanence on old cars is also similar
if you want it to continue running smoothly and
efficiently.

My long life in recovery depends on maintenance
each day incoperating those tools and knowledge
I learned in early recovery and all those days inbetween.

TY for TYing us. Come back when you feel ready, you know yourself better than we do. Sometimes a little downtime/isolation can be good and healthy; sometimes its not such a good thing. Be well.

Hi, again, August.

Thank you for telling us what's going on.

As for that you have nothing to offer anyone right now...It's not true, but I won't bug you now about this)

You are going through some hard times now. Maybe you need some "emotional decompression". Just find some way to contact us if you feel like and don't think about what you can offer - just post or pm.

Take care of yourself.