Newbie *trigger warning*
 

:cries3:Hi all,

It's nice to find a forum like this. I've had a binge drinking problem for many years, probably since I was 20. I'm now nearly 31. I lost my father 7 years ago, my grandmother 6 years ago and my mother 4 months ago which has sent my alcohol use sky-rocketing. Since my mother died, I have been binge drinking 6-7 days a week. I don't use these things as an excuse but I think it has dramatically increased my alcohol use. I apologise if this post is a trigger in any way.
Thanks for listening.
M

I found that drinking to 'deal' with grief actually prevented me from dealing with it. Drinking kept me stuck in a cycle of depression, and grief... and the worse I felt, the more I drank. What I didn't realize was that at some point, it was the alcohol that was responsible for a great deal of my negative feelings.

Once I sobered up, everything was much less dark and I was able to actually process my feelings and move forward.

Actually, a few of us were discussing this on another thread recently: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4020797

And Welcome to SR!! You will find tons of advice and support here if you'd like to quit drinking.

I know what you mean. I have drank since I was 18, and extremely heavily at times, but it was my mom's death when I was 51 that sent my drinking skidding off the rails.

It wasn't the the reason I drank. But the grief of losing her and the stress of handling her estate added to my drinking. Something "shifted" in my alcohol use and it was downhill from there.

Glad I stopped when I did.

How are you today?

Welcome Myrtle and thanks for sharing. I'm guessing that since you have posted on a recovery website you might have thoughts of dealing with your drinking in some way? There's plenty of info and support here if that is your plan - let us know how we can help.

Welcome to the forums! Most of us have dealt with the problem of drinking in order to soften hard times and events in our lives. I did that for a long time. But let me tell you, from personal experience, it is possible to stop drinking and deal with the grief. It has been over four years since I have had a drink and I hardly think about it. This past two years, I have dealt with my mother going through a serious, drawn out illness and eventually passing away in front of me. My father-in-law passed away last month. Some other major issues with work have come up, but never did I think about returning to alcohol as a solution.

I just wanted to share that it is possible to get to the point where you don't even think about it. When you recognize that there is an addicted part of your brain that craves the alcohol over anything, you can then tell that part to shut up and leave you alone. It is possible.

myrtle1, no apologies necessary and you are most welcome here. For my part, I think we carry our triggers with us. Drinking steals from us one of life's most beautiful and terrible gifts, the ability to grieve. There is nothing mystical about it. When we drink, our brain chemistry cannot begin the natural grieving process. And we need this process to heal. All my sympathy for your losses. All my hopes for your recovery.

I was literally just pondering this this morning. My alcoholism spiraled when my father passed away and I was left with his business, his estate and his widow (my mother) all the while trying to raise a 3 year old. I drank to cope - or so I thought. I was reflecting on how I thought it was an aid in my coping and after being sober for almost a month and tasting the deliciousness of true sobriety, I have to say, it was absolutely NOT a coping mechanism. I exacerbated my anxiety and agoraphobia to the extent that all I thought I could do was drink. I grieved, but not healthily. I missed out on the pain - rather I numbed out and pushed it off until I no longer could - but I missed out on the joy of those moments as well. There is so much joy I missed out on that I am just beginning to mourn that factor.

Myrtle, you are so welcome here. May you find peace in this journey that we all share in unison...

Welcome to SR myrtle :)

It looks like you're not the only one to drink to 'deal' with grief. I think my drinking spiralled out of control when my dad died 11 years ago. It certainly didn't cause my problems, I was already a heavy drinker before that but I certainly used his death as an excuse to go off the rails a bit. It wasn't a conscious decision but a combination of grief and free time from being away from studying and work gave me the perfect opportunity and I felt like no one could criticise me because of my situation. I reacted in a similar way in other emotional times, like the break up of relationships. I absolutely know that alcohol didn't help me grieve in any way but the situation was irrelevant in a way, I would have been drinking anyway to a lesser or greater extent. But it sure is a big red flag sign if you drink uncontrollably in times of stress. I know it will feel hard to quit because of the loss of your mum but there is never a good time. You'll find lots of support here x

Welcome Myrtle :)

don't worry - we're here to hear your story :)

I drank for, and over, many things - often I found drinking kept the wound open...which made it necessary for me to drink more.

It's a real trap.

You'll find a ton of support and ideas here tho :)
great you found us :)

D

Welcome to the SR Community :ring

Hi myrtle and welcome. At the time of real stress, alcohol seems to help. It doesn't, it just helps you to suppress your emotions over time. Eventually they need to find a way out. One of the joys of early recovery, is having to learn to deal with these emotions as they force their way up while we deal with our new found sobriety! If that sounds daunting,it kind of is, but it is also the first time we deal with our emotions honestly, and respectfully. And it really is worth it for the personal growth. Also you will get phenomenal support through every stage, just by asking for help.
See you around, myrtle, welcome to the family!

Thank you all for being so welcoming and lovely. I hate why I drink and the guilt I feel after a big night. It's not helping my grief one little bit. I'm currently seeing a grief counsellor who is helping with my alcohol issues as well. It feels as though my whole world revolves around having a drink...if I'm going to meet up with friends - we drink, if I'm going out to dinner - I drink, if I'm watching tv - I drink, if I have the slightest bit of stress, guilt or sadness - I drink. I just can't live this way.

Hi myrtle - glad you are here for support and friendship. This place is wonderful. :)

I was living that way too. Everything revolved around alcohol in the end. I sure didn't intend that to ever happen. It was once fun, not a requirement! I was completely dependent on it by the time I quit. I'm glad you're taking a look at what drinking is doing to your life - you don't need it. It's good you're seeing a counselor. I hope you'll find the help you're seeking. Happy to have you join us.

Sounds very familiar Myrtle. Lost both of my parents within 7 months of each other. It hurts real bad. The drink makes it worse. I've fixed me a lot of drinks in the past, not one of them fixed me. I'm new to this site, but it seems pretty good. It's nice to be able to share what's on our minds. We're not alone.