Not feeling the conviction
 

I need to go to the doctor tomorrow to get a new script to Valium and more codeine. That's if they give it to me. I feel like I'm just sinking lower and lower. Supposed to be on 25mg, max 30 a day but the last few weeks I've been doing lines hourly somedays. Up to 100mg a day. In public toilets, restaurants, at home locked in the bathroom. All time low today, at church.

I've also started struggling with my eating disorder again for the first time in 12 months. Normally I swap one for the other, now it's both:(

Have had 11 pills to last 3 days and feeling so so sick already. I have 2 left to sleep tonight and no codeine. Nothing. Not even kids phenerghan, I've searched the cupboards.

Feel like its make or break time. I know I sound like a broken record. Just need to talk. Need courage for tomorrow if I get an appointment.

Be honest with your Dr MLC. Totally honest.
It's time to stop the rollercoaster before something bad happens.

D

Totally agree with Dee on this. The ride ends when you say it ends.

I know what I should do. Need strength.

You have the strength. You know you do.

Take your husband with you MLC. I think you need some accountability to get over the hump and truly get started on true sobriety. You have already started to cut back and it will hurt for a little while to be sure. But you are heading in the right direction, don't lose the momentum.

The next downward cycle could very well be the last....why not call it quits while you still have your family and your life....it's really that dire.

He can't, he's at work. He said he is going to keep me more accountable again like he was before. Let it go for awhile there and I did ok but then yeah. Addict

I agree that it's you who should be accountable.

You do have the strength to do it, you need to just do it. We've all been where you are right now and know how scary it is, but you can do it.

Here u go. Give me the doctor's number. Go there and tell him you are an addict and need help asking him to stop writing scripts. I will call him later and make sure you did it.

You don't want to do that? Ur not ready yet mid.

You want to do that? pm me his number. I'll keep u accountable.:)

Ok new doctor. Much stricter. Scary but good

ok what's his number?;)

He is a she

111 11111 ;)

So does that mean you've already decided to just get some more meds? You already know that wont work as only you can hold yourself accountable for what you actually take. What I suggested before was taking him with to make sure you told the doc everything and see if detox is the right thing to do.

Yes I have more meds. She is weaning me off.

I know this is going to sound harsh, but you are either ready, or you are not...ther is no inbetween...it kinda sounds like you are not quite ready for total honesty. Until you are, you will keep on using. If you will not tell your doctor you are an addict, you keep the door open. What is it going to take for you to close the door on addiction...your marriage, your kids...your life?

yes but u r not weaning if u are snorting them every hour and doing 100 grams when the dose is 25. Did I read that right?

Does she know you are an addict?

That sounds like a good plan, she didn't think detox was necessary? Assuming you we're honest a out all the things and amounts you have been taking, right?

Yeah it's in my notes and I told her I had probs before.