You make a great point CH. You're being strong, but I hope you take care of yourself too. We're human, we make mistakes, and in a mistake there is always a lesson. My point as well as you don't have to take the beating to learn, you can look at things, and know that it's no good.

Hang in there, you're going to be fine.

Stop right there! I've been in the same boat. My story has some similarities but here is a few questions:
1. Can you trust enough this girlfriend of yours?
2. What would be her motive for lying to you? If she was such an awesome friend who knew you are faithful to your boyfriend - she did nothing to stop you???????? I smell fish!
3. If you had intercourse - the Dr can tell. If not talk to that guy!
4. Also, memories tend to come back. In pieces but they do.
5. She said/he said. Who cares. Sober up and do not hang with that friend of yours!!!!!

CH, take a break, from drinking and over thinking....give yourself some space to clear your head. aside from overdrinking....it might NOT be the awfulizing that you are projecting. take a step back and think clearly in the next few days.

if anything good comes out of this, you are stopping overdrinking...and gaining control over your life.

bring blackout drunk does NOT mean you are "asking for it" or a "wreck waiting to happen".... wow, that is 1950s thinking.

being blackout drunk and now knowing what you do, you are going to change your life for the better.

Really Fandy!

Yes "a wreck waiting to happen" and "a rape waiting to happen"--but not 1950"s, still happens today in the 21st Century. Perhaps you should take those blinders off if you think women do not put themselves in jeopardy every time they get drunk. Was it you who said "Seen to much to pretend"?

Did you honestly know what you were doing every minute of your drunk state?
Could you have easily been any one of the women with stories like this to tell or are you the one in a million who NEVER once made a very poor choice that could have resulted in something very dangerous.

......and I never and would never say ANY women or man for that matter deserves to be violated against there will. Again do not put words in my mouth, please. I suggest the ignore button, I know I would feel a lot safer.

I'm glad you had the courage to be honest with your boyfriend. I think the anxiety and fear of being found out would have been horrible for you.

I blacked out numerous times during my last months of drinking. Blacking out is a very, very scary situation. Literally your brain does not record any of the events as they are happening, nothing at all. You will never, ever have a recollection of what went on. I still shudder when I think of it.

It sounds like you've made a decision to change your life for the better and you will find lots of support here.

I think that Trix and Fandy have some valid points. :e130: and both should be taken with a grain of salt. Truth is... well you know what the truth is. You cannot drink again if you don't want this to happen again. Coming from a male's perspective, I feel you did the right thing by being honest. It may or may not work out for you (or at least the way you want it to) this time, but it is always best to unburden your soul. You can't make your bf forgive you anymore than we can make you forgive yourself. Learn to do that first, the rest will follow. Oh, and pray. He is Awesome! God bless you.

chasignhim, heres a lil of my last drunk( 4/21/05):
my then fiances sister was 3 days away from dieing from cancer( i didnt know it at the time she was gonna die in 3 days, but thats how it worked out). we were staying at my fiances sisters house to make things easier.i had been friends with my fiances sister for about 5 years before we met.
i started drinkin about....heck, i dont know what time it was, but it was before noon. i was also poppin vicodins here and there,too( they helped increase my alcohol intake) sisters son and family were there. i blacked out before the sun went down.
after i came to on the couch, i got a cup of coffee and took it to my fiance, who was in bed and cryin her eyes out. she was extremely distraught. she told me a lot of what i had done and said the night before. none of it was pretty and none of it was something i would have done if i hadnt been drinking. alcohol did that to me.
after a lil bit, my fiance told me," get out! get the f**k out!" with a few more things thrown in. i knew she was serious this time and didnt argue. i packed up some of my clothes and left.
i was still drunk and as the alcohol wore off through the day, terror,bewilderment, and remorse like i had never experienced were hittin me. even though i was in a blackout i knew, honestly knew, what my fiance told me was the truth( not sayin what ya heard was the truth, just that there were times i had been in just a brownout and remembered doing the exact same things i had done that night) and that is when i started accepting that alcohol was the common denomitor in all of my problems in life. it was then that i started lookin for a solution. sooooo many thoughts of what i had done before came through my head, but something different was happening this time: i knew that none of them things i tried before would work. i narrowed my choices down to 2, and will only say that one of them was suicide.i chose the other, just to see if anythign would get better and if it didnt, then the other choice was gonna be taken. i hated what i had become.
i had a lil thought going through my head that maybe, just maybe, if i get weller, my fiance would take me back. she was the love of my life and loved being with her. whent hem thoughts came up, i had to work hard at stoppping them. i had to put me first. for some reason, and i dont know why, but i knew that if i got sober( not just sober as"without drink", but sober as"of sound mind") for her or anyone/anything else but myself, it wasnt gonna work( i think it had to do with seein how good tryin to get sober for anyone/anything worked for me in the past).
yup, it hurt bad for quite a while and i had a huge arse kickin machine i was workin myself over with. then a man( who i think got tired of hearin me in the state i was and wanted me to start gettin weller) said to me," Tom, quit kickin yerself in the arse. yer not a bad man, yer sick." wow!! for some reason, that made sense!
then i started puttin in the footwork to make me weller....for me.
i took time, but man!! killin myself wasnt soundin very good anymore! i was actually able to start lookin at myself in the mirror!!!
about 11 or so months into recovery, i ran into my now ex fiance. i was able to have my head held up and to make amends with her. we had an awesome conversation! nope, i wasnt lookin to get back together with her. all i wanted was to clean off my side of the street. nope, we didnt get back together and today i can say i am greatful for that. throwin me out is what it took to get me to where i am today: able to hold my head up, look at myself in the mirror and like who i see. with the added benefit of sanity and serenity.

I am sorry you have had such a tough few days. I don't think there is one person on here who hasn't made a choice while drinking that they would never have made sober.

The important thing is that you are able to move on, and learn from this night. I hope you find support on SR and with friends.

Sending you positive thoughts.

Morning CH, I really admire the way you have stepped up and dealt with things so quickly, tbh if it were me, I could well have made excuse after excuse for it to be a reason to keep drinking, you've shown incredible strength.

Try and take some time out to be kind to yourself, your bf might come round. If not could you consider showing him this thread? I know if my partner (if I had one lol) came home and said they'd had sexual contact with somebody else I probably would have thought there is no WAY they couldn't have not known. Of course this would be mainly through hurt and anger and not rational thought, he's probably heartbroken too. It's just a thought and only you will know what's best to do on that score.

Hope you are feeling a little better today.

Please, bigaquagirl, share your story if you don't mind. I'd love to hear how things turned out for you and how you made it through this tough situation.

I greatly appreciate all of your guys support and encouragement. I can honestly say I have never met a group of people who are so eager to help one another... For free! I am so glad to discover that these people do exist. I love hearing all this positive feedback, constructive opinions and tips, and about your own struggles and how you each got through them. This site has proven to be a major backbone in recovery already !

As for me, i held my head up high and went into work today with a smile (although with healthcare cuts my job is could be in MAJOR jeopardy within the next few days, which adds to all the stress and emotion). I've been trying to keep myself busy and preoccupied. My boyfriend still won't speak to me, or try and see things from a different perspective. I don't want him to give up on me, but I also know that he needs space. I've always been a 'fix it now' type of person, so giving he required space and distance is a HUGE struggle for me. The last thing he's said to me is that he will NEVER EVER be able to look or think of me the same again and that he doesn't love me anymore, and doesn't think he will ever be able to again.

I'm only going to comment on your girlfriend. Seems every one says kick her to the curb. But if I read your first post correctly, you were both having drinks and then doing shots together.

You blacked out first. Maybe she did too? Or she was so ********* that she didn't care what was going on or doing her own thing? You both woke up there in the morning together in a place that wasn't yours.

What was she doing? I wouldn't cry foul on her necessarily. Sounds like she was messed up too.

Tomsteve,

I greatly appreciate hearing this story. There's is alot of comfort in knowing that others have been in similar situations, and survived through the battle. I know the healing won't be over quick, but i am glad to know that 'clearing the street' can be possible. I really need to take your story into consideration and begin bettering myself. Who else will love you if you cannot love yourself first? I thank you for sharing and I will take a lot of this story to heart down the road to self-recovery.

Thanks for the reply,

Well, from the amount I've known her to drink, she was more than likely ********* as well. Probably not to the same extent as I was, however. She probably didn't really care/realize at the time of the event. When she told me what had happened the next day, she seemed pretty upset and concerned about it.

I will still take responsibility for my own actions though. However, with that being said, there is a few things I wouldn't consider "an act of friendship." Hopefully sobriety can help me develop more genuine friendships, instead of ones that revolve around drinking.

welp, for me i dont think it was so much someone else loving me until i loved myself( but dont get me wrong, i surely wasnt gonna be able to have anyone love me with such a low self esteem). but there was no way I could love someone until i learned how to love myself.

heres a suggestion for ya( this was pretty hard for me back then): next time yer near a mirror, look at yourself in it. not just a quick glance at yer hair or anything like that; look right into your eyes. tell yourself," im not a bad person, im just a sick person and im gonna put in the footwork to make me weller."
its gonna get better for ya if ya put in the footwork to change you. how to do that? theres a ton of help out there and iffen yer interested in how i got to where i am, send me a PM.

yer definately worth it!!!!

I reading yours story and it sounding like fairly tale lately. As it seems you did in your blackout got defined reasoning and well support from here so far and your boyfriend with all moral ethics end up with drug addiction and poor soul who can not forgive his girl for so innocent mistake, such a idiot, isnt he??

btw, ChasingHim, is this your 1st visit this forum?? how you come up with your name"ChasingHim"?? is it something to do with boyfriend??

Did you show your boyfriend this thread?? if not, why not?? Whats his comment?? And please, post the truth!! thank you

This is my first visit to this forum as I was researching on the Internet and it popped up. I realized that drinking like this isn't fun, it's giving me a trashy image and it does more harm than good (in all aspects). The incident that occurred was the 'straw that broke the camels back', so to speak. As for my name, it is for my boyfriend. He's my high school sweetheart and my first love. He's my best friend. I want him in my life more than anything. As for my boyfriend at the moment, he wants nothing to do with me what so ever. He doesn't want to listen to what I have to say and he is extremely crushed over this whole thing. As far as he sees it, cheating is cheating and he now will never be able to look at me the same or love me again. I have broke two hearts, doing something that I had no idea I was doing. It is the most scariest feeling I've experienced.

I've been around this bend several times. None pretty, a couple of times devastating. Here's what I know: some folks are just drinking buddies and do not have your best interest in mind. I had the same " Why the **** didn't you stop me???" and the truth is they didn't care enough to get involved or figured I was having fun, consequences by damned. That's why you have to take care of yourself.

Two, it's great that you are quitting now. This is a gift to yourself. Repeat: this guilt and behavior doesn't go away until you quit. It's a rebuilding process.

Three, you can't control how your boyfriend reacts. You may lose him, but you can gain yourself. I lost relationships, but also paved the way for new ones. I don't hear or see drinking buddies from days of yore. Shallow relationships. But I met my wonderful boyfriend. He has supported my recovery with grace and kindness.

Finally, most importantly, forgive yourself. FORGIVE YOURSELF. Its the key to moving forward. I agree we hurt ourselves the most. Hugs and welcome!

wow, i think what you have done is so incrediably brave. i wouldnt have done it. i would have carried that guilt around with me like a sack of rocks and it would have hurt the relationship in more insidious ways, but still hurt it. To face it head on is brave. amazing, weel done. If you can this, you can do anything. If you can face this pain without booze , you can face lots of stuff without it. Im going through a breakup now of a much longer and more complicated setup, but its all the same, it hurts like hell. What ive told myself this week is just to face the feelings head on, accept them, wallow in them, feel them. What doesnt kill you makes you stronger darling, i think you are an inspiration. x

You are so brave and strong ,being positive when feeling so down-I really admire you.

With regards to your bf, give him time.Don't chase him. What's done is done and cannot be undone. I know it's hard but try focus your resources on your sobriety and moving forward. It really is a better life without alcohol

understood and felt sad for all your troubles ChasingHim. It might take time but be patient, truthful and trust in higher power, that will help you ride thru these tough times.

I hope and pray, everything will turn out good and even better for you and family.