Im not going to drink today But to be perfectly honest, I'm still going to take my benzos. My hubby is not a good hider of drugs. This is a good start right!!? I get suicidal without them and I can't bear that today. I've had NA drummed into my head that it's all or nothing but today I'm going harm minimization and will work towards the rest Woke up and could barely move so hungover. Another morning of being surprised I actually woke up. Went to Churxh. No drinking today. You hear me av?? |
Are you still planning to see someone next week, MLC? D |
I've still got an appointment but I really want to fond someone elae |
No drink yet. Lots of benzos and lots of tears. My poor Family: what's the fecking point honestly??? |
What's driving you to want to see someone else? The point is, you're better than this and deserve to be sober and happy. We've all been where you are, know and *understand* just how difficult it is, but you can do this! Other members have stated what has worked for them; some have suggested that they got (and stayed) sober for their kids and partners, and gained enough self-worth to want this for themselves. Why not try that? You have a duty and a responsibility as a Mother and Wife to not only look out for your family, but YOU too! Believe it or not, you have the choice to pick up the phone and reach out, get to an AA meeting (would you drive 2 hours to get alcohol if you felt that was your only option?), call Directline, but the crux of the matter is you need to start somewhere..... Knowing your own history, you have every right to tear up a script or seek a second opinion; I know that in active alcoholism, I'd pick and choose those who I knew would tell me what I wanted to hear, or give me what I wanted to take. Being a medical professional doesn't make anyone Godlike; even Doctors can be prone to oversights and lack knowledge in some areas. Every alcoholic or addict I've met has said that the ticket to recovery is in action (no matter what their recovery method), not in thinking about it. I hope you find the courage within yourself to do this and grab it with both hands while you still can :) Xx |
Take more serious measures in locking down the things that are causing you pain. Feeling like nothing else matters except the present. But the present is a gift for the future and it does not stay still. Make a present for yourself, for your family, just keep trying, keep moving. Eventually you have to face reality and that is benzos are not that great for long term. I actually find them quite addicting. They compliment drinking so well. Russian roulette is a lot safer. |
Originally Posted by Midlifecrisis
(Post 3832868)
I've had NA drummed into my head that it's all or nothing It sounds like you haven't surrendered to the NA program. I couldn't stay sober until I surrendered to AA. All the best. Bob R |
No alcohol is perfect along with not having it in your home so you are not faced with temptations to pick up. A visit to a doctor to get non narcotic meds or anything that is habit forming for a chemical imbalance in ur system is also perfect in early recovery. To insure you remain sober and clean would mean being honest with your doctor that being in early recovery, your sobriety and recovery is extremely important to you and that he not prescribe things that would put ur recovery in jeopardy. In todays age, doctors freely give meds out for anything and everything a patiant would ask for unless they know we are in recovery. Be stern and honest with them and patiant as they work with you to find the right meds to work with ur body, mind and soul. It took me a year to find what worked well for my own chemical embalance. Nothing habit forming nor narcotic and no alcohol for the past 22yrs. :) Remember that what works for one person may not be be right for you. We all have different bodies and inner systems, so work with your doctor for medical assistance and a recovery program of NA or AA for sobriety. |
What is the "point"? LIFE is the point, MLC. And I think you want that, or else you would not be reaching out to us. I said in an earlier post that your children NEED you. My hope is that you take to heart even just one small thing any of your friends here have said. We care and want you to live a beautiful life.....But that cannot happen with drugs and alcohol. Even if it's not the doctor you want right now, I hope you will keep your appointment. THAT is a start. |
Not drinking is a start, but only a start. The benzos are messing with you badly right now. You don't need your husband to hide them from you. Call a Crisis line and get a tapering plan going and stick with it. It's your responsibility to do this for yourself and your five children. Go to an ER if you need to in order to get started on getting off the drugs. Prayers for you. |
(I'm not going to drink today) = Good! I am sure you can do it. Take care Valx |
MLC When i would run out of pain pills or decide not to use them, i would take benzos thru the day. You said lots of benzos and lots of tears... I'm not sure how many or what exactly your taking but do be careful. Stop the insanity!!! You don't have to go on and on like this. I used benzos ALOT, sometimes a whole prescription in a couple days. Now that I'm looking back with a clear head, i AM lucky to be alive!! You need to get a doctors help with this at the very least!! |
Originally Posted by Quinne
(Post 3833206)
What's driving you to want to see someone else? The point is, you're better than this and deserve to be sober and happy. We've all been where you are, know and *understand* just how difficult it is, but you can do this! Other members have stated what has worked for them; some have suggested that they got (and stayed) sober for their kids and partners, and gained enough self-worth to want this for themselves. Why not try that? You have a duty and a responsibility as a Mother and Wife to not only look out for your family, but YOU too! Believe it or not, you have the choice to pick up the phone and reach out, get to an AA meeting (would you drive 2 hours to get alcohol if you felt that was your only option?), call Directline, but the crux of the matter is you need to start somewhere..... Knowing your own history, you have every right to tear up a script or seek a second opinion; I know that in active alcoholism, I'd pick and choose those who I knew would tell me what I wanted to hear, or give me what I wanted to take. Being a medical professional doesn't make anyone Godlike; even Doctors can be prone to oversights and lack knowledge in some areas. Every alcoholic or addict I've met has said that the ticket to recovery is in action (no matter what their recovery method), not in thinking about it. I hope you find the courage within yourself to do this and grab it with both hands while you still can :) Xx I was honest with both the doc and the counselor. The prob out here is that we have all the new docs doing their country serivce and nobody sticks around for long. I'm freaking as I'm nearly out of another prescription. Thanks for the reply.
Originally Posted by hollowx
(Post 3833367)
Take more serious measures in locking down the things that are causing you pain. Feeling like nothing else matters except the present. But the present is a gift for the future and it does not stay still. Make a present for yourself, for your family, just keep trying, keep moving. Eventually you have to face reality and that is benzos are not that great for long term. I actually find them quite addicting. They compliment drinking so well. Russian roulette is a lot safer.
Originally Posted by 2granddaughters
(Post 3833422)
Are you going to the meetings? Got a Home Group and a sponsor? It sounds like you haven't surrendered to the NA program. I couldn't stay sober until I surrendered to AA. All the best. Thanks, no, we have no meetings here but as I sa d above, I am seriously looking today for online meetings. My pastor has been great as an ex addict himself. Bob R |
Originally Posted by LDT
(Post 3833437)
What is the "point"? LIFE is the point, MLC. And I think you want that, or else you would not be reaching out to us. I said in an earlier post that your children NEED you. My hope is that you take to heart even just one small thing any of your friends here have said. We care and want you to live a beautiful life.....But that cannot happen with drugs and alcohol. Even if it's not the doctor you want right now, I hope you will keep your appointment. THAT is a start.
Originally Posted by Anna
(Post 3833441)
Not drinking is a start, but only a start. The benzos are messing with you badly right now. You don't need your husband to hide them from you. Call a Crisis line and get a tapering plan going and stick with it. It's your responsibility to do this for yourself and your five children. Go to an ER if you need to in order to get started on getting off the drugs. Prayers for you.
Originally Posted by peanut44
(Post 3833466)
MLC When i would run out of pain pills or decide not to use them, i would take benzos thru the day. You said lots of benzos and lots of tears... I'm not sure how many or what exactly your taking but do be careful. Stop the insanity!!! You don't have to go on and on like this. I used benzos ALOT, sometimes a whole prescription in a couple days. Now that I'm looking back with a clear head, i AM lucky to be alive!! You need to get a doctors help with this at the very least!! |
Hi MLC...your story frightens me as I remember oh too well those feelings you are sharing with us. This happend to me back a few months ago & I almost died. I pray you seek some help, I saw you have 5 children. ..I have 4. It can be so hard & scary, but you are important! [QUOTE=jstar;3677652]alright ...getting back up & on with life! last week was horrible :( the week before last on Thursday ...i had a bad moment & gave myself permission to buy vodka and drink it - throwing away 100+ days of sobriety . worst mistake I've ever made! I blacked out during/just after my first glass...while i was blacked out I apparently swallowed a handful of xanax and my husband had to take me to the ER. I had fallen several times in my house, had extremely low blood pressure, had a seizure and almost died...friggin the scariest thing that's ever happened to me.] |
"lots of benzos and lots of tears"... Ask yourself: What is the point of getting high if you are not having a good time but are feeling terrible? That's part of the insanity. Best of luck to you. You can do it if you truly want it. |
[QUOTE=jstar;3833940]Hi MLC...your story frightens me as I remember oh too well those feelings you are sharing with us. This happend to me back a few months ago & I almost died. I pray you seek some help, I saw you have 5 children. ..I have 4. It can be so hard & scary, but you are important!
Originally Posted by jstar
(Post 3677652)
alright ...getting back up & on with life! last week was horrible :( the week before last on Thursday ...i had a bad moment & gave myself permission to buy vodka and drink it - throwing away 100+ days of sobriety . worst mistake I've ever made! I blacked out during/just after my first glass...while i was blacked out I apparently swallowed a handful of xanax and my husband had to take me to the ER. I had fallen several times in my house, had extremely low blood pressure, had a seizure and almost died...friggin the scariest thing that's ever happened to me.]
Originally Posted by Carlotta
(Post 3833954)
"lots of benzos and lots of tears"... Ask yourself: What is the point of getting high if you are not having a good time but are feeling terrible? That's part of the insanity. Best of luck to you. You can do it if you truly want it. |
How many benzos in a 24 period? What dose? Many people are worried about you ODing by accident. As an addicted physician Mom, I am telling you right now, your kids aren't sure that you will wake up in the morning: I am deadly serious MLC, they are VERY worried about you. Hugs, Pam |
I thought benzos were actually pretty hard to od on unless combine d win drink or opiates? Um, I'm truinfn to stop the alcohol. Didnt drink years us yay me How Muxh is too Muxh Valium on its own? |
With not win And yesterday not years obviously. I'm starting to freak out that someone that knows me is reading this. |
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