prescribing my own cure
 

Hi everyone, this is a great forum and I wanted to share with you my story entitled: My 12 year addiction to crack. I won't go into too much detail but as the title suggests I have been an addict for far too long. I started taking the drug to get away from my addiction to cocaine but as you know this was a bad choice. I have managed to work throughout my addiction, have a family and a loving girlfriend who is totally against drugs and who has stuck by me throughout this. I have tried numerous times to quit but always failed and this time I truly believe I can do it using my own medicine. I have been clean 2 whole days and to some of you may seem like this is nothing but please believe me that this is a monumental achievement for myself. I have lived only for this drug, been its slave and prisoner but now i'm fighting back. I'm starting CBT sessions tomorrow as a little extra help, given control of my bank accounts to my girlfriend and removed any easy possibility of obtaining the drug. These decisions have been tough and unforgiving but I knew that one day I would have to bite the bullet and defeat this addiction or face death. I'am here to listen to you in return, give my advice and take yours. Thanks for reading my story

:welcome to SR! :ghug3

Welcome healin :)

I'll bite..:) what's your cure involve?
whats the medicine?

D

I hope whatever you're doing works for you.

prescribing my own cure

You lost me right there.

I could never get clean sober until I surrendered and asked a sober oldtimer how he did it and then do as he did. My very best thinking got me here.

Have you given NA a good try ?

I wish you the best.

Bob R

I do hope that you meet up with one of the forum leaders, Amy/Impurrfect, she was addicted to crack and has been recovered 5+ years...(you can find her in the substance abuse section with HenHouse...both men and women post there)

All the little changes = 1 big change. The one thing that drives me to take the drug is the very thought of getting the drug which evolves into a powerful emotion in my chest that is overwhelming. I always tried to argue with myself to stay away from it and failed EVERYTIME so now I think of all the small overlooked details that lead up to the score giving me more bargaining power to say no and mean "no". I dug out some books yesterday, anthony robbins awaken the giant within and Unlimited power but I started this morning with rational recovery by Jack Trimpey. These are things that I never do but to top it all off my daughter, 7 years old, accompanied me to mcdonalds last night and whilst she sat calmly in the back of the car began to tell me that she wants to be a
gymnast when she grows up but most of all a ballerina. I actually sat there and
listened to every word she said and can still remember them today( this is unheard of with me), today I built lego with my son who is 6 and my twelve year old daughter came home from school and I actually spoke to her without telling her off for something. Two days of being free from it and all this already? My mind is clearer, I recognise what is going on around me and i'm focused on fixing myself. Can you see that I'am outside of my comfort zone now?This is what is driving me to get better, my mental state outside of its "governing body", out of reach of temptation. So many little things that are helping me, listening to steven seagal's calm voice throughout the film "the keeper", listening to my passion-hiphop music where I dont hear the words, I feel them. We may all be the same but our dna make-up and mental syntax varies between us all so what would work for you may not work for me, we have to find what works for ourselves. Even though I have tried and not succeeded numerous times doesn't mean that I "failed", I look at it as I produced a result I did not want so tried again. These are a few of the things that are working for my recovery

Hello mate,

Welcome to the forums :)

Natom.

Thats a great lead for some additional help, thank-you

Good morning everybody, today my cravings are rioting in my head and to top it off I cannot get access to money to buy cigarettes either. Do I quit 1 thing at a time? Right now i'm overwhelmed with emotions. Sorry for lost posting here but I know I'll get a quicker response here

Smoking is bad for you, but it isn't making your life unmanagable. Drinking is. Focus on that.

The emotions...they are to be expected. It's your mid-brain's response to being denied what it wants. Alcohol. It will do whatever it can to make you drink.

Stay strong, it passes.

My DOC was alcohol,n it I remember day three being the worst, each day after that got a little bit easier. I remember going for a walk that day and having to stop because I felt like I couldn't breathe. I logged on here from my cell phone.

Have you spoken to a doctor about quitting? If you are feeling bad that might help. Hang in there, I promise it gets easier. :)

Day 3 was very tough for me, but then again i was drinking and I don't know how withdrawal from crack would be different. Do you have any local support via family or friends/support groups you can rely on?

"My 12 year addiction to crack. I won't go into too much detail but as the title suggests I have been an addict for far too long. I started taking the drug to get away from my addiction to cocaine but as you know this was a bad choice."

I'm confused here.

Cocaine is usually snorted and crack isn't "taken" it's a form of cocaine which is smoked. I know this first hand (haven't touched either form for 8 years now).

I'm confused as to how you tried to treat a cocaine snorting addiction with cocaine smoking addiction.

Please seek medical help for this addiction.

Physically, it should take 3 days, but then the mental aspect kicks in hard.

You are correct but please remember that we are in different countries from each other and therefore refer to the same thing in different ways (you say trash, we say rubbish). We refer to any drug that is used as 'taken'. I went from cocaine to crack because of the difference in price(crack being £30 cheaper) not realising that crack was more potent and addictive. I was 19 years old at the time so young and stupid. please don't be offended with my reply.

I'am having sessions with a support worker now and reading books. Yes it is tough but I will destroy these these thoughts and cravings with persistence and knowledge. Today was very challenging but I have to face my addiction to destroy it

I'm British too. We take drugs. Regardless of how they are administered.

Natom.

Hope you're hanging in there healin!

You know what, one thing at a time I totally recommend. I stopped drinking and three years later I gave up the smokes. BTW, I think learning some CBT/coping skills is going to help you out too.

Have you hit any meetings by any chance? Even if you just go sit and listen, it might help you.

You'll get tons of support here, welcome to SR. :)

((healin)) - I just stopped smoking, again, and I've got almost 6 years in recovery. Should have stopped a long time ago, but I don't know that I could have done it when I was new to quitting crack.

I will tell you some of what worked for me. I'd been to AA meetings (there were way more of them than NA where I used to live) and though haven't been in years, I still use what I learned there. I lurked here, for about 2 years, and read a lot of stories that were similar. Found out it really doesn't matter what we're addicted to, the thought process is pretty darned similar and I can get a lot of support from people with all kinds of addictions.

I started telling myself, from day one..when a craving would hit.."not an option..next" with "next" being a cue to distract myself. I also remembered my relapse and it wasn't pretty, and that took away the "glamourizing of the drug" we often do.

In time, I'd find myself doing something to distract myself and didn't even realize I'd thought of crack, which was pretty cool. I also started making myself do a gratitude list. My first one had 2 items and was said through gritted teeth. Nowadays, it could go on forever.

SR has been a huge part of my recovery. I've learned about other methods, other beliefs and I take what works for me..a little of this, a little of that, etc. I also have good support...several family members who know nothing about addiction, but also friends who do and many people from here that I've become friends with.

I can honestly say that when stuff comes at me hard, my first thought is "Just let me get to SR, I'll be okay". The thought of using crack is a distant thing, but I still respect that it only takes one dumb move and I'll be back to where I was and I don't know that I've got another recovery in me.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Thank you for that clarification! (I do understand what you are saying now and I've been in similar situations)

Meditation, urge surfing, replacing your addiction with something that is not compatible may help you (music, hobbies, crafts, exercise, cooking.....). Only you can figure out what else makes you happy. Maybe think of a bunch of things and just write them down....try one at a time, see what can help you.

Remember, your brain needs to learn how to make it's own happiness again, and this can take some time to do. Be gentle on yourself now.

You CAN stay stopped! YOU are worth it! :)

Hugs,

I like the urge surfing idea for dealing with those thoughts that seem overwhelming. Our fear/pleasure/survival centre, aka the amgydala or lizard brain, tries to hijack our entire mental process concerning our addiction and drug of choice - you can find some great discussion about CBT and Handling that Hijack. These techniques have to do with mindfulness, and it is important to develop your mindfulness practice before the urge strikes and the amygdala tries to hijack your brain.

I found that the urge surfing and mindfulness ideas mesh very well with AVRT and provide a real way to implement that Big Plan of yours to never use again and to never change your mind.

So, sit with those thoughts as they come for a few minutes, and stare at them, and allow them. Understand that they are not you, and that you are stronger than your addiction altered limbic system. You can do this simply by believing in your success. Never let that faith in yourself waver, and you will do this. You have a new life waiting for you, healin, it is yours for the taking.

I'd like to say a big big thank you to you all for your kind words and support. It's comforting to have people around me to help me now. Yesterday I got some crack ( spent £10 but its usually £40+ ) and was a bit annoyed with myself but on the other hand I had gone 4 days without it which up untill 4 days ago was unheard with me. I'am succeeding woohoo and I will be beat this. It's 9:18 in the morning here in England and by now I would usually be on my way to get money and drugs but today I do not want it.

Freshstart57 I too am learning the technique of AVRT and reading the book called 'rational recovery'. I'am applying AVRT right now as as I type this and drink my 'cup of tea' (us brits huh and our tea lol). I have to be honest and say its the best cure I have come across in 12 years. Maybe you can give me some pointers!

hi healin,, from a fellow uk member here.
whilst i do not know how it is to have a prob with crack,, i do other class a's and more recently the ole vino de collaspible,, and i just wanna say welcome to this wonderful place, im now coming up to 3 mnths sober,, and feel fab, i read the rr book and it helps me immensley, also chatting here, to real people, who really know how u feel is so supportive,and ,, i know i did it, and u can too hun, just know we are here for you xx
im not very elegant in my writing, nor offer great words of wisdom as some here do,, but my heart is big, and im here everyday, so just wanna say, good luck and keep being here x
lv cleo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I would think it's going to be a bit uncomfortable for you for a few days, healin. If you were thinking about quitting cigs anyway.....why not just bundle up the cravings & do it all at once? I'm know it's WAY easier for me to type than for you to do....

good luck, stay strong!!

Thanks again everyone. I feel welcome here and safe. I have always lied to my friends and family and thats why they abandoned me but thats my own fault and stupidity but now I see sense. I have spent the last 3 days on this site and stayed away from my regularly visited sites ( i'm a biker ) and that tells me how important it is to be here. I floated around recovery sites for years not posting a single thing, some reovery sites criticized you for using drugs then verbally punished you, one site I registered with declined my request for registration because I did not give a good enough description about myself. How stupid is that, someone reaching out for help but turned away because of lack of information about themselves!! I never tell ANYBODY about my struggles but here I feel I can and openly.

I'm happy that you found something that is working so well for you. Being cured of a 12 year addiction to such a strongly addictive and life destroying drug is something special.

Well done you.

I'd love to be 'cured' but right now i'm recovering. It's so nice to sit here and not think or be concerned how to get the next high. It's like when my 6 year old son comes home from school and says "daddy I know how to bake a cake now", thats how I feel having to learn to live again at 31 years of age. I look forward to the day I can have money in my pocket and not spend it on something so evil. That'll be a big big achievement

Not sure if this was mentioned already, but the threads on AVRT in the secular section are very good reading. There are 5 threads with about 500 posts per thread. Glad you are reading the RR book. Very happy that you have decided to change your life and be free.

Welcome to the forums Healin,

Just my opinion but i would focus on quitting smoking ciggarettes later. I have quit and it in and of itself is challenging. Better to suceed at this and deal with smoking later than to fail because you took on too much. Thats just me though.

I would just concentrate on the crack addiction for the time being, we addicts have a tendancy to trie and do too much too soon resulting in everything failing. just concentrate on not using for today and just for today!

i liked your earlier post, i also believe that through trial and error we will find the path that best suits us. Get knocked down 100 times, get up 101 times...