prescribing my own cure
 

Hi everyone, this is a great forum and I wanted to share with you my story entitled: My 12 year addiction to crack. I won't go into too much detail but as the title suggests I have been an addict for far too long. I started taking the drug to get away from my addiction to cocaine but as you know this was a bad choice. I have managed to work throughout my addiction, have a family and a loving girlfriend who is totally against drugs and who has stuck by me throughout this. I have tried numerous times to quit but always failed and this time I truly believe I can do it using my own medicine. I have been clean 2 whole days and to some of you may seem like this is nothing but please believe me that this is a monumental achievement for myself. I have lived only for this drug, been its slave and prisoner but now i'm fighting back. I'm starting CBT sessions tomorrow as a little extra help, given control of my bank accounts to my girlfriend and removed any easy possibility of obtaining the drug. These decisions have been tough and unforgiving but I knew that one day I would have to bite the bullet and defeat this addiction or face death. I'am here to listen to you in return, give my advice and take yours. Thanks for reading my story

:welcome to SR! :ghug3

Welcome healin :)

I'll bite..:) what's your cure involve?
whats the medicine?

D

I hope whatever you're doing works for you.

prescribing my own cure

You lost me right there.

I could never get clean sober until I surrendered and asked a sober oldtimer how he did it and then do as he did. My very best thinking got me here.

Have you given NA a good try ?

I wish you the best.

Bob R

I do hope that you meet up with one of the forum leaders, Amy/Impurrfect, she was addicted to crack and has been recovered 5+ years...(you can find her in the substance abuse section with HenHouse...both men and women post there)

All the little changes = 1 big change. The one thing that drives me to take the drug is the very thought of getting the drug which evolves into a powerful emotion in my chest that is overwhelming. I always tried to argue with myself to stay away from it and failed EVERYTIME so now I think of all the small overlooked details that lead up to the score giving me more bargaining power to say no and mean "no". I dug out some books yesterday, anthony robbins awaken the giant within and Unlimited power but I started this morning with rational recovery by Jack Trimpey. These are things that I never do but to top it all off my daughter, 7 years old, accompanied me to mcdonalds last night and whilst she sat calmly in the back of the car began to tell me that she wants to be a
gymnast when she grows up but most of all a ballerina. I actually sat there and
listened to every word she said and can still remember them today( this is unheard of with me), today I built lego with my son who is 6 and my twelve year old daughter came home from school and I actually spoke to her without telling her off for something. Two days of being free from it and all this already? My mind is clearer, I recognise what is going on around me and i'm focused on fixing myself. Can you see that I'am outside of my comfort zone now?This is what is driving me to get better, my mental state outside of its "governing body", out of reach of temptation. So many little things that are helping me, listening to steven seagal's calm voice throughout the film "the keeper", listening to my passion-hiphop music where I dont hear the words, I feel them. We may all be the same but our dna make-up and mental syntax varies between us all so what would work for you may not work for me, we have to find what works for ourselves. Even though I have tried and not succeeded numerous times doesn't mean that I "failed", I look at it as I produced a result I did not want so tried again. These are a few of the things that are working for my recovery

Hello mate,

Welcome to the forums :)

Natom.

Thats a great lead for some additional help, thank-you

Good morning everybody, today my cravings are rioting in my head and to top it off I cannot get access to money to buy cigarettes either. Do I quit 1 thing at a time? Right now i'm overwhelmed with emotions. Sorry for lost posting here but I know I'll get a quicker response here

Smoking is bad for you, but it isn't making your life unmanagable. Drinking is. Focus on that.

The emotions...they are to be expected. It's your mid-brain's response to being denied what it wants. Alcohol. It will do whatever it can to make you drink.

Stay strong, it passes.

My DOC was alcohol,n it I remember day three being the worst, each day after that got a little bit easier. I remember going for a walk that day and having to stop because I felt like I couldn't breathe. I logged on here from my cell phone.

Have you spoken to a doctor about quitting? If you are feeling bad that might help. Hang in there, I promise it gets easier. :)

Day 3 was very tough for me, but then again i was drinking and I don't know how withdrawal from crack would be different. Do you have any local support via family or friends/support groups you can rely on?

"My 12 year addiction to crack. I won't go into too much detail but as the title suggests I have been an addict for far too long. I started taking the drug to get away from my addiction to cocaine but as you know this was a bad choice."

I'm confused here.

Cocaine is usually snorted and crack isn't "taken" it's a form of cocaine which is smoked. I know this first hand (haven't touched either form for 8 years now).

I'm confused as to how you tried to treat a cocaine snorting addiction with cocaine smoking addiction.

Please seek medical help for this addiction.

Physically, it should take 3 days, but then the mental aspect kicks in hard.

You are correct but please remember that we are in different countries from each other and therefore refer to the same thing in different ways (you say trash, we say rubbish). We refer to any drug that is used as 'taken'. I went from cocaine to crack because of the difference in price(crack being £30 cheaper) not realising that crack was more potent and addictive. I was 19 years old at the time so young and stupid. please don't be offended with my reply.

I'am having sessions with a support worker now and reading books. Yes it is tough but I will destroy these these thoughts and cravings with persistence and knowledge. Today was very challenging but I have to face my addiction to destroy it

I'm British too. We take drugs. Regardless of how they are administered.

Natom.

Hope you're hanging in there healin!

You know what, one thing at a time I totally recommend. I stopped drinking and three years later I gave up the smokes. BTW, I think learning some CBT/coping skills is going to help you out too.

Have you hit any meetings by any chance? Even if you just go sit and listen, it might help you.

You'll get tons of support here, welcome to SR. :)

((healin)) - I just stopped smoking, again, and I've got almost 6 years in recovery. Should have stopped a long time ago, but I don't know that I could have done it when I was new to quitting crack.

I will tell you some of what worked for me. I'd been to AA meetings (there were way more of them than NA where I used to live) and though haven't been in years, I still use what I learned there. I lurked here, for about 2 years, and read a lot of stories that were similar. Found out it really doesn't matter what we're addicted to, the thought process is pretty darned similar and I can get a lot of support from people with all kinds of addictions.

I started telling myself, from day one..when a craving would hit.."not an option..next" with "next" being a cue to distract myself. I also remembered my relapse and it wasn't pretty, and that took away the "glamourizing of the drug" we often do.

In time, I'd find myself doing something to distract myself and didn't even realize I'd thought of crack, which was pretty cool. I also started making myself do a gratitude list. My first one had 2 items and was said through gritted teeth. Nowadays, it could go on forever.

SR has been a huge part of my recovery. I've learned about other methods, other beliefs and I take what works for me..a little of this, a little of that, etc. I also have good support...several family members who know nothing about addiction, but also friends who do and many people from here that I've become friends with.

I can honestly say that when stuff comes at me hard, my first thought is "Just let me get to SR, I'll be okay". The thought of using crack is a distant thing, but I still respect that it only takes one dumb move and I'll be back to where I was and I don't know that I've got another recovery in me.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Thank you for that clarification! (I do understand what you are saying now and I've been in similar situations)

Meditation, urge surfing, replacing your addiction with something that is not compatible may help you (music, hobbies, crafts, exercise, cooking.....). Only you can figure out what else makes you happy. Maybe think of a bunch of things and just write them down....try one at a time, see what can help you.

Remember, your brain needs to learn how to make it's own happiness again, and this can take some time to do. Be gentle on yourself now.

You CAN stay stopped! YOU are worth it! :)

Hugs,