Not doing so well :(.
 

Jail soon. Very scared. Wish it was over. I am not trying to dodge consequences as I know I could have KILLED people. That thought scares me too. I just want off this cycle of fear and feeling sorry for myself. Maybe I should move into town....but then Im worried Im not strong enough to beeline it to a bar. But if I was in town I wouldnt be so isolated.....being bored, lonely and isolated are a known destructive pattern with me. I know the answer may seem obvious....I am just finding it VERY hard to help myself here and make changes. I recently got approved for disability...which is ok financially, I am just worried it will give me an excuse to sit on my butt. Busy is what I need and Im finding it very hard to do that with no deadlines, places to be, etc. Some people may have noticed I posted much on here lately.....that isnt a good sign. I guess I feel unworthy of help or support sometimes.

Hold your head bro. There is no such things as failure s only temporary defeat. Don't let these hard times brake you

Thanks. I need to remind myself that the court situation is temporary.

...and perhaps necessary in the long run. Id much rather have been caught for a DUI then have hurt someone.

Our fears keep us stuck. From what you write I see a lot of fear, and a lot of stuck. The only real way to proceed is to face your fears and take a step forward. You seem like a perfect candidate to do some volunteer work where your talents will be appreciated by others and you'll gain confidence in yourself. I don't know what you're going to jail for but perhaps doing volunteer work involving yourself in some way with what you did to get jail time might be a good direction to look. Self-confidence might be an essential ingredient in your recovery.

Windancer - I wish I had magic words for you. I can surely understand that you are scared. If I could bear some of your fear for you I would but although we can all support you as best we can you must go through this yourself. I do wish that you will find some support closer to you during this difficult time. Please post as often as you need and let us all know how you are.

Yes, I would enjoy some volunteer work very much. I like to help others. My problem is getting there to do it.

Thanks TTABP. Often I dont post because about myself as Im very afraid of judgement. Guess I should come out of my shell some more.

Hi, Windancer.

I've been thinking of you these days. Sorry about the situation you are facing now.

You can have our help or support any time, you are not unworthy it.

Take care.

Thanks Midnight Blue. Love your avatar by the way.

SR is the least judgemental place I've ever seen. Don't be afraid. You can be yourself here.

Hope it is helping to read these messages. I find it helpful to read some of the quotes posted below the comment (there is probably a name for it, but I don't know it...). But I find the quotes to also be powerful words of wisdom that are right on it with me. Best to you and glad you posted.

This is so true Windancer. I think there are a lot of us on here that have done some pretty stupid things and although I can only speak for myself - judging others is the last thing I am qualified to do.

You may get advice and opinions that you do not necessarlity agree with but as the saying goes "Judge not lest ye be judged"

Hi,

I can certainly relate with you. I'm riddled with fear myself and am absolutely TERRIBLE at reaching out. My fear and isolation is what brought me to my knees. I'm trying but it's hard.

Do your best to focus on the positive. I know....it's hard....but try as hard as you can. It truly does make a difference.

You're in my thoughts & prayers for your success. You're facing a scary and difficult situation but take heart that all on SR are in your corner.

I try my best to not take inventory of others as well. I wish I could be as kind to myself as I am to others (when Im sober...when I drunk, Im the biggest b*tch from hell).

Thanks, SoberFallon. Ive done a darn good job of isolating myself.

...and making my dearest loved ones lose faith and trust in me. I hate that feeling, but I have no one to blame but myself.

Were you able to get a reduced sentance? I remember you saying something about weekends. I have been to jail. I have never spent more than a few hours there. I know you are scared but it will pass and as you know you will recover. You have recovered from drunkeness and that is prison. I glad to see your posts. I always read them Windancer.

I would be scared too. but moving into town where you have access to people, places and activity is smart, look for some charity that requires you to be there and accept the responsibility....food banks, churches, see what good you can do.

You think you'll want to hit the bars? Just think ahead to the 2nd DUI which would carry a much stronger penalty and financial burden.

You will be proud that you suited up and weathered the temporary storm, meet new people and get back amongst the living, doing something productive.

Hi Windancer,

I have been thinking about you, and wondering how you are doing. I am sure you are feeling scared right now, try to focus on what you will do after you are out. I think moving into town is a good idea too. You should be around other people, and close to activities.

You are always the first to post encouraging words for everyone else, lean on people on here as much as you need to.

Do you know when and where you are going yet? PM me where you will be staying when you know and I will send some letters.

I am sending you hugs and positive thoughts. You are strong and you will get through this. :ghug3