Winddancer, so sorry you're facing this, but you have a good attitude and it's not forever. You can get through this and come out stronger. It sounds like you need people around you so maybe moving closer to town would be a good idea. Just find the sober opportunities there instead of the bars. People had good ideas re church, volunteer work,etc. Keep posting-we're all here for you!

I isolated the last two years of my drinking...And it almost killed me. It's hard to be hopeful when you're sitting there in your own head. Instead of fearing you'll beeline to a bar if you move into town...Why not find where some meetings are being held and you can get yourself some support...And a program that can change your life. I have a homegroup with about 100 people in it...When I pull into a meeting I don't check the parking lot to see how well attended the meeting is going to be....I check the bike rack...And it's usually jammed....I don't think that's because these people are health nuts you know? You need to make changes to change Windancer....Fear probably does more to hinder recovery than anything else...I know it kept me drinking for way too many years. I had to do things I didn't want to do...And hear things I didn't want to hear...That was the only way I could get through it.

Well Winddancer, we will be in jail about the same time. I go in on the 14th and I was terrified up until a few days ago. I think back on how fast things have gone for me. Look at this as just another step in your recovery. You have done some great things since you decided to quit drinking. I am sure many were very scary and you overcame them all. This is just one more step. Use the time there as nice quiet time. Try to get some reading done and focus on yourself. Like me, I think you will come out of this stronger than you were going in. Plus you will have that nice prison tattoo:c033:

Just so everyone knows the truth (hard for me)...I relapsed bad on the weekend. Two day bender. Before that I had a few monthes of sobriety. Not a lot, I know, but I was doing well. I dont intend to continue the bender.

And Fandy, this is my second DUI. I think you got the impression this was my first from a previous thread, where I mentioned I voluntarily opted for a breathalyzer machine in my vehicle after my first, which was true. This time Im opting not to drive.

...it is an inconvenience, but one Im more than willing to take as Im obviousvly a danger to society and innocent people right now with access to a vehicle. I asked the people living with me to hide their keys.....just in case. I am quite against impaired driving and the dangers it causes....yet after a few drinks (or more Im ashamed to admit) I think Im fine and therin lies the huge danger.

See Windancer - you opened up and nothing bad happened because you did. You have to get through the jail time and then you must open up more - practice on us here in this anonymous setting. Tell us more and more and let us help you - you'll see it will get easier to open up. Things will get better but its up to you to work at it.

Definitely post more here windancer - it seemed to help you, and it's way better than drinking.

When times are hard, that's when we need the support the most I think :)

I wondered where you'd got to :)

D

We all have slips and we all have days where we can only see the bad, but that doesn't mean that there isn't any good, its just us getting stuck in our own heads.

I'm sure it is scary to face jail time, but I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason, and maybe there is something you will really learn in there/ once you get out. You never know when you will meet someone that will touch you/change your life around..jail is no different. If nothing else, after being in jail I am sure you will work even harder on your recovery not to end up back there.

I know how hard it is to open up, expecially when we are used to being impaired by substances all the time, but practice makes perfect. When I first moved to the south from NJ I was so uncomfortable with everyone saying hi to me in stores and how friendly everyone was...but I took my moms advice and was just as friendly back. Slowly, it became second nature and allowed me to make friends at law school much easier.

Keep your chin up, this to shall pass.

Hey windancer, hang in there. I know it's tough. I too got a DUI last time I drank and have been dealing with the legal and license issues. It isn't easy and sometimes I feel so stressed I just want to drink...but I haven't. Keep posting on here for support. a sign of strength is that you are reaching out :) ((hugs))

Thanks for all your support.
Ill be soooo very glad when I can post on here and say I have such and such sobriety time, and jail is over.

Man, I was BAD this weekend. Ended up in hospital. I have many things to be grateful for....number one being alive today.

As many of you know, I did an inpatient program in Dec. It was great, yet I knew coming out I was heading back to isolation and facing jail. I learned good coping skills and many things have helped a lot. I just cant recall my stress level and anxiety being this high. It feels like torture.

I know it must be hard dealing with that hanging over your head...but drinkings not likely to make that anxiety better, or put you in a better place windancer.

I really think you need support right now, not isolation, windancer.
too much time in our own heads, riffing on our worries can send us loopy.

If you can get to real life support, why not?
if you really can't, then there's always SR :)

Yeah, I need to reach out more. Get a life (literally), volunteer, something, anything. I just feel at a loss as to what step one is as I feel VERY isolated here in the country, and dont dare ask my parents to help with driving me anywhere I dont need to go (re: court, medical/tharapy appointments etc).

I suppose it is possible and once again I am likely limiting myself. Yet if anyone has any ideas about how to get out and get invloved, please let me know.

Windancer, I'm sorry I didn't see this thread earlier, I've wondered how you've been. Should have PM'd, sorry.

I wish I could help you w/more than words as you face the jail time, but I know you will bear it well -- it's just more days. More moments. D. F. Wallace wrote, as part of a very long list of "exotic new facts" a person can learn in rehab, "That no single, individual moment is in and of itself unendurable." You will make it through, and come out stronger.

Another fact, per Mr. Wallace, "That it takes great personal courage to let yourself appear weak." Please post here to ask for help, or just to vent. It doesn't have to be your main job to be of service to others, although that of course will be a great thing, when you're able to do it. But right now, maybe the best service you can do is building your mental & physical health.

We care. As you wrote to me once, Post, post, post!

WD - you can learn from this experience as you already have and use it to help others. Every awful / challenging thing I've been through in the past is turning out to have a purpose - I relate to others who have gone down similar paths and are trying to get sober. This is a really cool thing, to be able to help my friends. I know it's scary but you don't have to be afraid if you trust your HP and trust that you're going to triumph over these adversities and not repeat the same mistakes. I believe in you.

Maybe when you go to jail, you will be the inspiration and help that someone needs. Or you will find opportunities to give back. I do believe that if we put energy and love out into the world, we will be rewarded. Could you help any of the folks you live with? Your family? Any skills that you could brush up on? Do some library reading? I know it's hard to get out there and feel isolated, but we have the opportunity to build meaning into our lives wherever we are. I know posting on SR, talking to other folks about their issues, helps me a great deal!

I hope to someday be strong enough to help others in a BIG way. I love natural healing, or just even listening empathetically. Ill get there. I am trying to see jail as what I make of it. I know it happened for a reason. Still pretty scary for me though.

I am glad you are okay after ending up in the hospital. Like someone else on here already said, utilize your time in jail to read, journal and figure out what path you want to take when you get out. The world is your oyster and it will be a fresh new start.

I know it will likely not be as bad as it is in my head.
By the time spring is showing itself, this will all be over. Fresh start indeed.