Failed again
 

My doctor set me a 6 week challenge of abstinence so that I could go back for more blood tests to check my liver function. Three times I started and stopped over the last week or so, the third time I managed 2 days. 3rd day I was so miserable, having panic attacks, fighting with my partner and threatening to leave when I finally gave in to alcohol to take away the emotional pain I was feeling.

That was 3 days ago and I'm still drinking. Am I going to feel awful tomorrow? Probably, but I feel like I need the drink to get me through the day. I have chores to do and need the alcohol to fuel me to do them.

I am so scared that I am going to feel so bad again next week. I want to start my challenge again tomorrow, and I must because I'm running out of time, but when I drink I forget to take my meds and this morning realised that I have ran out of them! My OH is going to take my repeat px to the pharmacy later today.

I know I can get through next week as long as I feel OK but I'm worried that I will get to work and become anxious and panicky and not be able to cope. I guess I am anxious about being anxious! I'm fine now, but when that alarm clock goes off in the morning and it's pitch black outside and my body has alcohol in it, I am going to feel awful and annoyed at myself.

All I want is to live a normal and happy life, I want it so bad, so why can't I make it happen? The only thing stopping that dream from become a reality is me!

:a108:

I got to the point I was so desperate....I tried something I wasn't even sure would work....But it worked for so many other people. That was AA. It worked for me too. You can't beat the price.

Welcome to the family! :grouphug:

I tried and failed more times than I can remember but never gave up, kept on trying, and now I"m coming up on three years sober.:) If I can do it, so can you!:)

welcome- It is an addiction- until the stuff is out of your system it is tough going. I had many goes at abstinence. I think we learn something every time we try.

Ditto here .. :)

And thank my god for AA's price. Cause I didnt have a dollar to my name when I came into the rooms;.

I had feelings like you're having too. I thought there was no way I could manage to get through a day and get anything done, without alcohol. When I look back and see that I was completely deluding myself.

By the way, I found 'From Panic to Power' by Lucinda Bassett so very helpful in managing my anxiety.

You don't need the alcohol to get things done. Your addiction does, and only you can decide when it's time to stop feeding it. No matter how many times you faulter keep pushing forward. You can get this done, I've got faith in you.

I totally understand how you are feeling. I've stopped drinking many times in the past 4-5 years. Don't beat yourself up. If you want to stay sober, you will just pick yourself up, learn from your fall, and keep trying. (((HUGS)))