67 days, but would love a beer
 

I've been sober from alcohol for 67 days, and have been a long time viewer of the site, but a first time poster (sounds cliche). For several different reasons I have yet to do anything 12 step (I went to a few meetings about 5 years ago, but not this time), not that I'm opposed to it, and I have a real respect for the program, but I'm not sure I need to go (though I sometimes feel that thinking that way is evidence enough). Either way, I have a real gratitude to you guys, because reading this site has helped me keep some prospective, and honestly, has helped me to keep from drinking. I think like a lot of people I've got a real desire to try and drink like a "normal" person, but I've got my doubts about that being possible. I was never (or rarely) an everyday drinker, but I could be one hell of a binger. By the time I decided to quit (for awhile...) I would normally get drunk about every four days, and for the past year or so it would be blackout drunk. How I got away with it with out ever being arrested for public intoxication is a miracle in itself (we're talking lots of peeing outside, and occasionaly disrobing on my stumble home...) Ultimately what made me quit was when blood work returned that I had elevated enzyme levels in my liver (I'm only 28). This was two or three days after I'd last drank, and in a way, it's good it happened that way, because doing really stupid stuff, burning bridges, blacking out, getting in trouble, having attrocious hangovers (that in retrospect were more mini-withdrawls) never stopped me before, but in that this was a few days later it was a surprisingly anticlimactic bottom, it was one that I didn't see coming, and that seemed to make all the difference.

Well I guess I'm posting right now because for the most part, I feel like I got off pretty easy, but I'd been thinking about drinking more, and I realized that's not a road to go down, so rather than be a spectator in the forum, I thought it was time to be a participant. It seemed a better choice than going to get some six packs.

Welcome to you Ed! Great support here. Hope you can hold on. It gets better.

Welcome Edabisco -

So glad you posted and congrats on 67 days! I lurked around here for a while, too, and I think it really does make a difference when we're actually involved and sharing with other people. It did for me, anyway.

I still had cravings after 60 days (not as bad as in the beginning, though). I don't have them much at all anymore, but I know if I didn't do something recovery-wise every day, it could definitely sneak up on me. Glad you're joining us! :grouphug:

welcome! good on ya for the time ya got. any chance you have read the big book of alcoholics anonymous? yer thinkin is described in it. heres a lil from it:

Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker.

now heres my sick thinkin when i was drinkin:
i wasnt bodily or mentally different from my fellows. the fellows i hung with drank like me. i could also drink like other people. the thing is, the other people i looked at drank like me. an abnormal drinker in my mind was one who could have a drink or 2 and walk away without a problem.

it is definately good to see ya seein a potential drink comin up and doin something about it.

i was quite surprised when i got into AA and got the bb and started reading it. i couldnt believe that a book published 26 years before i was born described my thinkng and my drinking. then at meetings, i couldnt believe i would be somewhere with a group of people i had never met before who knew exactly how my thinkng was and exactly how i felt when i got in there. i thought for sure they had been following me!! then i found out it was just simply that they had been in my shoes. what a relief to find the fellowship and a group of people that wer willing to teach me the solution to allmy problems.

Welcome to SR! It's helped me a lot, especially in those hours when everyone's sleeping. Like you, I stopped before a complete shipwreck and also like you had a serious condition that would skyrocket if I kept drinking.

In my life--getting active in a recovery program has saved me. If I sit still too long I get into trouble--start thinking I can drink normally or that I don't really have a problem. I have to be a moving target to stay ahead of the crazies. :-)

Anyway, I hope you find answers here by posting. I know I did.


Zorah

Thanks for all your support guys! I have read parts of the Big Book, and I agree that it can be almost eery to see how much of it is familiar to my own experience. One of the things that I like most about recovery literature are the aphorisms, because a lot of them really ring true to me. The whole "One is too many, plenty is never enough" thing rings totally true for me. Towards the end it was just one after the other. I used to say my drinking game was "Every time you take a shot, you take another shot." It's good to know that the cravings go away, early on it was mostly psychological I think, but for whatever reason tonight I just really felt wanting that drink (I mean, that's happened before, but this was pretty strong for being sober since July).

Oh yeah, had quite a few of those "NO!" moments talking to my own brain. It really is like trying to tell a child to forget about their favorite toy. :) (eventually they'll get over it)

Welcome to SR Ed :)

D

Welcome aboard... :)

I was never (or rarely) an everyday drinker, but I could be one hell of a binger. By the time I decided to quit (for awhile...) I would normally get drunk about every four days, and for the past year or so it would be blackout drunk. How I got away with it with out ever being arrested for public intoxication is a miracle in itself (we're talking lots of peeing outside, and occasionaly disrobing on my stumble home...) Ultimately what made me quit was when blood work returned that I had elevated enzyme levels in my liver (I'm only 28).

I think that's more than enough reasons to stop for good. I don't think you go back to normal drinking when you've reached this point.

For several different reasons I have yet to do anything 12 step (I went to a few meetings about 5 years ago, but not this time), not that I'm opposed to it, and I have a real respect for the program, but I'm not sure I need to go

Just curious what the reasons are...One of them isn't that you've seen it work for a lot of people and you're afraid it might work for you too...Is it? I just get a hint in your post that you think you have a little more drinking to do.....Like you are holding back on committing to sobriety.

I think like a lot of people I've got a real desire to try and drink like a "normal" person, but I've got my doubts about that being possible.

For me it wasn't possible....It wasn't an option that was on the table. Honestly admitting that to myself was the first step in my recovery.

I tried every road to find the easier softer way. But after 20 years I finally surrendered to I can not drink period...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...alcoholic.html

Thanks for posting, used to be a lurker too. I need to share for my own sake as well as for others. Desire can be very lonely. My only friend for years was really booze. Not how often or how much but why and what it does. Very individual.

Welcome :) I'd glad you've chosen to talk to us over drinking beer.

Welcome to SR! If you really want to stop drinking for good, there's lots of options out there nowadays. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best.

Welcome to the family! :grouphug:

Hey Sapling,

I think you're right about unconsciously (or maybe not so much) thinking/hoping I've got more drinking left in me. The resistance to AA doesn't have much to do with any criticism of the program (though I guess I do have my issues) then more to do with practical stuff about how I get there transportation-wise with where I live, etc. I suspect you're right about once you're at a certain point it really being a sign of alcoholism, for me it's probably the black-outs. I never had one that was hours upon hours (I think....) but there's many a night when I had no clue which way I took to get home - literally I'm at the bar and then my next memory is waking up at my place in my bed (or on the floor). It took me awhile to figure out most people aren't doing that several times a month. Also, thanks for the words of encouragement from all of you guys (and gals)!

I'm confused. You don't want to do a 12 step program, don't think you need it, but say:

And the title of this post is "...would love a beer"

I'm an AA'er but support other programs, and it seems that unless you 1) accept you can't drink again and 2) get into some type of support program, you will drink again. If you are like me, an alkie, it's just too hard to do this on your own. Good luck to you, glad you posted.

It's not that I think I don't need support, it's an issue if that support is AA.....

I see. Well, there are countless other support areas. I just feel that if you are an alkie like me, you definitely need support in order to achieve long term success.

Sorry if I seemed overly belligerent in my response. You're right, I do think I need some sort of support other than just friends and family. I guess it seemed too easy early on, rainbows out the butt kind of thing, but now that I've been sober for so long I get a bit restless. Thanks for everyone's advice!