I hate myself
 

I blew almost a week of being sober. I had five beers watching the Patriots game. I am a failure. I want to be better.

I screwed up Friday night and I took that as a sign to re-commit to sobriety. I don't know about you but I can't have 1 drink...it leads to many many more and self-destruction. Learn from this and think about what you can do differently to quit alcohol.

The statement " I hate myself" is not beneficial in this situation. I can see that this is very hard for you. Start anew tomorrow. We are all here with support. You can do this.

I love being sober, but I am a 34 year old professional, father, husband, and screw up.

I had a tough time getting through Football Season coupled with Sobriety (Raiders Fan). I used Non-Alcoholic Beer for awhile as a Prop and Placebo. It helped take the Edge off.

I've screwed up so many times. At least we are still here. Before I never even thought of it as really screwing up but more like, "Oh well, I got wasted"--life as usual.

Now we are conscious of the problem and trying to address it. Even if it takes longer than we want, we recognize what is better for our lives and can start again.

WWG: Don't let this action, giving in, define your whole being. I've been defining myself by my collosal, booze induced f*ck ups for months - years - but feverishly over the past 4 months and tonight something clicked...it is NOT who we are...and more importantly, not who we have to be. The power is in your control - is it easy, hell no, but is it going to be worth it - YES.

Lean on us...we can do this together! Throw the rest of the beer out!

I don't think you need to get too upset about it. I know that I had to go back and have a taste, just to make sure that quitting was the right thing. I had 5 beers after 65 days of sobriety and knew for sure that drinking wasn't the right path. I haven't drank in more than a year since then.

So, now you know.

I would do anything to not be like this, but it is my fault. I want to be a sober father and husband.

But are you doing everything it takes?

You can be......the fact you almost had a week is proof. Start again:)

There's a couple threads that Weasel and I started two weeks ago about self love and they really helped me...a lot. I can't copy and paste right now cause i'm on my blasted phone, but go back and try to find those. I found this awesome quote during that time and it flickered some fuse in my head:' we are born with self love. We didn't have to learn it. We innately felt it'. Basically, some people forget it even exists because we bury it so deep. It's there with you already.

1st things 1st: yer not a screw up or a failure! yer just a sick man. i am glad to see yer nik. makes me believe you believe in God. however, there comes a time to stop walking with God and let him carry us.
willing to do anything to not be like this? have you looked into AA?

Last night I had three beers and two ciders. I left the bar and walked home alone. One thing I'm realizing the less I drink and the more times I screw up is that I hate being drunk - heck, I don't even like consuming the booze anymore. I am also a 34 year old professional. I don't have marriage or kids and that's my own fault. It's the emptiness and loneliness I have to address better.

I told the bar tender I wouldn't be there today for the Steelers' game.

Today I watched part of the game from home, then sat in the graveyard reading Dostoyevsky. When I choose not to drink, it makes me realize how much I love everything else more than drinking.

Wake up and do everything you can to get the alcohol out of your system, then you will hate less and love more.

I wish you well.

Thanks and God Bless all of you. Day 1 tomorrow.

That way that Pats game ended probably a lot of people picked up a drink :gaah

Reality is you had 6 days sober and 1 day drinking. Don't beat yourself up so much that you ditch your whole plan for getting sober. Being a perfectionist doesn't work well in this situation. You came right back here to SR and you want to make a change. Chalk it up to drinking didn't make you feel as good as you thought it would, actually, it made you feel defeated. Not fun.

Good news is, there's a Pats game every week and another chance for a new outcome (for both you and the team) Good suggestion on the non-alcoholic beer to ease you out of the habit while watching sports.

Hello walkingwithgod. There's no doubt you can do this. You never have to feel this miserable ever again. Now you'll be more determined to stay away from the stuff. We believe in you - and you're not alone. Keep posting & let us know how it's going.

Buddy I am all of the above except I am 46 years old. You have a 12 year head start on me, starting over now after one week is not the end of the world.

The big thing is you realize already at this part of your life you need to change. I am feeling so friggin happy about the potential changes I can still make in my life I am in awe at the possibilities. Focus on the potential upside now and get back in the saddle!

Can't believe the Cardinals pulled it off by the way. :)

WWG, I'm from new England originally, btw, so Go Pats!
The last time I tried to quit, I lasted about a month, then got drunk one night and kept on drinking for two more years. You, on the other hand, have come to SR, ready to do day 1 again. Fortunately there is no law that says if we "fail" we can't try again. So go for it! Day one tomorrow! You can do it! And stop hating yourself, that does no good. We don't hate you. The universe doesn't hate you. God doesn't hate you. Learn from what happened today and use it. And six days sober is great. No one but a daily alcoholic drinker can understand how bloody hard that is. And if football is a trigger, maybe you have to give up watching for a while? Or not allow yourself to watch unless you won't drink?
NA beer could help. Fom my personal experience, NA beer just makes me want a real one. I know that it's different for others, and that may work for you. Worth trying if you think it could help.
Good luck to you. You CAN do this!

Like others have said, hating yourself is pretty futile and it's likely to put you one step closer to a drink WWG.

Use that energy though - you have a week now til the next game - find support, build a support network, make plans for your recovery to remain intact next weekend - now.

You can enjoy the game just as much sober...but you'll never know unless you give it a go.

and - no offense to anyone - but to me drinking NA beer was like feeding your ravenous dingo pitbull cross kibble...

it might keep him quiet for a while, but it won't hold him forever.

I think, if you're going to make changes in your life WWG, make them.
Just do it, man :)

Don't be afraid of change - cos change will get you to where you want to be :)

D

I been there many times. Maybe do for this week again, but sunday go to a AA meeting on sunday. Works for me .. :)

WWG, you know what to do now. Pick yourself up, brush yourself down and get straight back on that wagon.You had a practice run, so now get doing the real thing!

Big hugs

Gx

Turn the negatives into positives and don't beat yourself up about it.

Start again today :)

WWG, think of it like teaching your daughter to walk. She fell several times but got up each time determined to walk. Get up! Stay the course. All the positive comments you receive here saying don't worry about it are FABULOUS, provided that you use them to dust yourself off and get back on course. The posts that say don't beat yourself up also say get back on the path. It is a journey and you are well on your way. I'm praying for you today. Hope to see you back in the September class...

I woke feeling a lot better and more positive. I am back and going to do better this time. I want to be the best dad and husband I can be, and I can't do that with booze. I have the day off today to spend with my daughter, as my in laws that watch her are on vacation. Play time with my 3 year old makes me appreciate life.

If nothing changes nothing changes. Try going to a AA meeting they also have aaonlinechat that helps alot

WWG, I'm glad you are ready to give it another go. The fact that you keep coming back to SR shows your determination. Stay positive!!

My road to recovery.... I have now gone 48 days without a drink! Everyone's different, but for me personally, I would not have not been able get this far with just SR (as much as I love SR - XOXOXO!!), family support, and determination. Alcoholics Anonymous has been integral to my sobriety......

At some point, if you continue to struggle with trying to do this on your own, you may want to try AA. You could just go and observe, to get a feel for the program. You don't have to speak if you don't want to. If you 're concerned about who you might see, don't worry about that! I've run into people I know "from the outside", and it's very refreshing to know you're not alone. The comfort I feel from the fellowship of other alcoholics is kind of surreal, hard to explain.

But to your point about the clientele.... At AA meetings, I've met:

• The executive VP of marketing for my large Fortune 500 company
• The father of one of my 8th grade daughter's friend
• A youth league referree (multiple sports) who has reffed many of my kids' games
• A policeman from a neighboring town
• an elected Republican politician in my county
• the list goes on.....

My point is, while I have met factory workers, tattoo artists and regular joes, I have also met many professionals and peers. If you continue to struggle, and are ready to pull out "all the stops", and try anything, you might try AA.

Hang in there, you can do this!

Johnny

There is a lot of great advice here for you.

The title of your post grabbed my attention. "I Hate Myself". Wow. That is such a powerful statement. Repeat that to yourself. How does it make you feel?

Why do you hate yourself? Think about it. Write it down.

You must learn to love yourself to have a successful recovery in my opinion. Believe me I went through the same thing. If you hate yourself...you see no need for true change even though you think you want it. If you learn to love yourself you finally realize that you are worth the change. When you learn to love yourself you want to take care of your mind, body, and soul and be a free person. Free from what you are prisoner to. Alcohol.

Begin saying "I love myself". Just try it once.

I wish you the best. You will overcome. You will win.