finding things hard
 

Am finding things hard at the moment
17th of September is the anniversary of my dads death ( 1 year)
he killed himself
i feel like i need to drink or do drugs ...I talked to my husband about it and he said that am doing so well with not drinking , he understands why i want to
But said my dad wouldnt want me to take drugs or drink...( my dad didnt know about my drinking and taking drugs ) but he wouldnt want me to be high all the time
Also am not eating so much and i cant get help for it as i have a BMI of 40
meaning am obese i have tried to see dietsion but they wont let me see one unless my BMI is 17 witch is underweight or if am diabetic witch am not
am eating under 1000 calories a day sometimes eating as low as 500 calories a day
Am falling apart am also self injuring as well ...i have been doing that for a long time and so has my eating been something i have been doing for a long time
the last drink i had was in February this year
Am really dont know what to do

You have my deepest sympathy. You must hang in there - you have to be doing something right if you haven't had a drink since February. That's wonderful. I know it is hard but drinking and drugging is not goin to take away the pain and I am sure you know that.

Isn't there some type of bereavement group you can join?

As far as i know there isn't a bereavement group in my area

Whatever you do Dark Asylum, please do not drink! You are doing great and it would be a shame to undo all your hard work. What is your support network like? Do you go to AA? In your situation you are more than eligible for counselling via the NHS, maybe grief counselling or CBT... Have an honest chat with your doctor about everything (including the drinking and self harm) and I am sure they will be able to help you x

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, Dark Asylum.

I know you have already picked up on it, and it isn't much comfort, but it's true - your father would not want you to give up your sobriety because of this. Like hypochondriac says, whatever you do, please don't drink.

My cousin (who was also my foster sister) killed herself and I understand how difficult this must be for you. I used alcohol to numb the pain for a long time, and eventually I realised that it was completely futile. You have been sober for a long time and you should be proud of yourself.

Please go to your doctor and ask for some help. CBT is widely available and helped me endlessly in dealing with grief and other issues, such as self hatred.

Hugs x

Am going away on the day of my dads death to go down to England to see my husbands family
so i wont be able to get drink as we are going by bus and no drink is allowed
My husband will be with me the whole times as i never leave the house with out my husband because of social anxiety So its unlikely that id able to get hold of drugs or drink
My husband will not go and buy me drink or go and get drugs for me
The only drug there are in the house is my medication one of witch is Valium that in the past i have abused but my husband has them locked away so i don't OD on my medication like i have done before

i have tried CBT it didn't work out for me as i had a hard time understanding it
and had bad experience with the therapist makes me not want to use a therapist again
I have in the past used AA and i found it helpful but because of my social anxiety i find being around people hard i do go to meeting online and it helps

We have a grief and loss forum right here on SR:

Grief and Loss - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

It's good to see you back, DarkAsylum and I hope that you hang on to your recovery. I'm very sorry for the loss of your father.

Hi Dark Asylum,
It's a great achievement to stay sober since February, well done, it seems you have a lot to deal with.
All the best
CaiHong

I hope you can get through it

I was in the same situation when I could not find a bereavement group. I had to get grief counseling from a therapist. It worked for me.. you may want to give it some thought. Good luck.. so sorry for your loss.

Jeff

CBT can be as simple as countering a negative thought with a positive one... so if you think a bad thought about yourself, try and think of some evidence against it.

Would it help if your husband could go with you to meetings or to see a therapist? It seems a shame to rule out all therapy because of a bad experience.

I am not sure of any tactics for recovering from grief... I lost my dad too. All I know is that after a year things started to get easier. I hope things get easier for you too x

Hi DA

I understand all too well how you feel. My Dad took his own life too...And i was also born in Scotland. See, two things in common, we have ;)

For me the anticipation of the anniversary was far worse than the actual day. I *choose* every year, on October 24th, to think of him, talk to him and ask him to help guide me in keeping me sober. That's just me DA but I know that taking a drink does nothing but take me to a DARK place I cannot go back to.

I may not know answers as to why he took his own life, but one thing I know for certain, he
does not want me to drink over ANYTHING.

Big cuddles DA...hang in there my friend.

Am feeling like i want to go out and buy some drink ...we are meant to be going food shopping in a few hours ... need to get juice ...but the juice is a cross from where the drink is kept and i don't know if am strong enough not to grab some ...my husband will be with me ... trying not to give up
just so lost

Glad your husband is going with you. When you get through this things will get much better *Hugs* x

I'm really sorry you're finding things hard DA - I hope you'll keep looking for support, both here and in the real world too :)

D

Got my husband to go and do the shopping on his own
he was fine with it
i feel like i need to stay away from places where there is drink
At lest for the moment
I think i would want drink and would try and buy it if i went out today
don't feel very strong :c023:

you took a good step to keep yourself safe. Focus on taking good care of yourself. Can you read some sober literature? Sometimes reading stories of others going through the same stuff can really help calm one down. I know it worked for me. It was like a weight off my shoulders that I wasn't alone.

Good for you DA...I think you are amazing making it since Ferbruary without a drink...Don't let go of that. I'm happy for you....Hang in there...You are doing great!

I don't have any books apart from the big book online and that's about it
i might look for some books do you have any recommendations ?