Can limiting bring more success???
 

Ehhh I have bounced back and forth with going from all to nothing. I have had success and quit for a awhile and then done the typical "I can drink" and it starts out fine and then escalates to out of control and the cycle starts again. This time I am really thinking about trying to sincerely cut down...maybe just allowed one or two days a week and/or just no more than 3 drinks. Is this possible for anyone here - I know most will say no but I am looking for some sort of happy medium...is it out there. And maybe I will have more success with maintenance if I just cut it down and not out completely....ehhhh.....

Wouldn't\didn't work for me.
There always has been too many 'compulsion to drink' moments scattered throughout my day and if the first one hits my lips... it all over. Possibly working on what 'triggers' you to drink and trying to control that?
The only way I've gotten the compulsion under control has been long term sobriety.

If you're like me you've tried to cut down already Copperfield - probably a few times, yeah?

I couldn't get it for years - some times I'd be 'ok', and sometimes my life would be a drunken shambles of chaos...what I didn't realise is I was never in control...it was just down to luck what happened - I was shooting craps, but with my health and well being.

If alcohol is causing you problems, and keeps on causing you problems, I think the sensible thing to do is cut it out of your life.

D

I like what Dee said :)

No, most of us can't control our intake. My question would be: do you think you need it in your life at all? If so, why?

If you have to ask...

I am working on it, when I figure it out I let you know. My train of thought right now is: The drink is not important, the drink is not necessary, if I have it I have it, if I don't it doesn't matter. I want to be able to drink very few times and not make it a habit of everything. I have a friend who used to binge, no longer binges and drinks very rear times, and not that much. My hypothesis is: that it is possible to moderate if you change your mindset, feelings, attachments, associations we have to alcohol.

I presume you've tried that before tho Meso?

No matter how good my intentions, alcohol changes me, and my good intentions get forgotten.

I've heard of people not drinking for 20 or 30 years and they return to drinking and the same stuff happens again.

I've been here 5 years Copperfield, and tried for 20 years myself to control my drinking...

I haven't seen a 'going back to moderation' success story here yet...make of that what you will, gang...
.
D

The stratergy of moderation worked ok for a month of so for me i even had a patch of 9 months about 10 years ago where i had one or two a week or a fourtnight and a sober life otherwise.

In the end though i went back to drinking the sameold, sameold and more , my habbit got progresively worse . My only real way of dealing with it has been complete abstinance and learning how to deal with lifes ups, downs and nothings without resorting to drinking . Its a big relief not to put myself through all those hastles just for some alcohol .

Good luck , bestwishes, M

Can't say I have that is why I pointed out I am working on it. I have seen people successfully moderate after being terrible binge drinkers, just pointing it out that it is possible.... on the other hand not everyone can do it, but possible yes.

Yeah.. I have tried that whole "I will only have a few only a few days a week..." deal myself quite a few times too..it never worked.. I ALWAYS spiraled completely out of control.. it is just the nature of our illness ya know.. if we could control it, we wouldn't be on this forum.. my advice would be not to keep risking the set back..

I never was able to moderate for more than a few months. It seems from your post you are like the rest of us that cannot moderate. I have been sober almost 4 months now and am fighting the thought that I can now moderate. I know I have never been able to in the past, why would this time be different. Each time I started to drink again it got worse. I do not want to lose everything I have worked so hard for, so I move forward, sober. Do not be fooled by the idea of moderation. If we could have done it, we would have already.
Good luck copperfield.

I've also been thinking about moderation, the reason I'm thinking about is that every day I get back from work and fancy a drink. My brain keep telling me I could just have one or two then stop but if I am already thinking about this everyday what are my chances of success at moderation?

You have to figure out what works for you, for me I keep having to remind myself there are no benefits at all to my drinking so why would I want to, even if I could do it in moderation,

I hope you come to the right decision for you,

x

Yes, this. There's just no added value here, save the company of people that I don't really have much in common with to begin with. I can see that this equation looks different for some, especially younger people who have more friends outside of family. For me, even if I could moderate, there is just no compelling reason to go back to it at all. Why chance it?

If moderation were an option, we would have a moderation forum here full of moderation success stories.

That said, there is a program called Moderation Management for people who want to moderate, but not quit, drinking. It starts with 30 days of abstinence, which, coincidentally, is what the AA book tells us to try. If you can't get to 30 days you are likely an alcoholic.

How much of their story have you really "seen" though? There are many alcoholics who can appear to successfully moderate but behind closed doors it's totally different. Just something to think about.

If you are HERE, as I am, the problem is a true blue problem. I have proven over and over and over again I will not be a normal social drinker amd limit it within freaking reason. Years of this...years of being disgusted with myself at times. I have a good friend who is a non drinker, and on days like I had today, I SO want to be in control of my life. There is no way an alcoholic will control and drink one or two. If they have three...there ya go...

practice..
 

I'm lurking and reading a lot here as a way trying to get a plan to approach doing this. There's a big emphasis on learnt strategies to manage cravings and urges to drink. Which you obviously need to succeed.

For someone who drinks daily. Wouldn't drinking three nights a week leave four to practice the strategies, learning to surf the urge etc? Do it for a month or whatever then take the leap into abstinence with some practiced approaches?

I know tapering off isn't accepted and I can understand why at one level. I can hear the suggestions of denial and compromises being negotiated with 'the beast' etc. But I also wonder just how many of the people going straight between drinking and sober manage to make it last. And if this was a negotiated process with a therapist then maybe as an interim transitional phase it may have some value.

Any thoughts?

Moderation never worked for me. My biology got the better of me

....this is important, I'm not proposing moderation. None of this 300ml tonite, 250 tomorrow b.s. that I've been reading on here. I'm proposing a scenario where you learn to not at all for set days. Its entirely up to you if want to hospitalise yourself on the rest. But at least on the totally dry days you have to practice mindfulness, urge surfing whatever your choice is.

Look, its about acquiring certain skills to deal with your behaviour. If your trying to learn anything you have to practice, rehearse. Is this really so different?

way back in the beginning I was able to do that...but when I got to my drink days I went totally insanely wild with drinking...I was making up for lost time...

In my experience binge drinking was never in anyway better than daily drinking...in fact due to the volume I used to drink in very short periods it may even have been worse for me.

In any case, it got academic on me - pretty soon my drinking days increased and my dry days shrank.

That was not possible for me for maybe the last 10 years of my drinking. I think most people are here because it's not possible for them either.

That's the inherent problem I found with tapering and moderation - it's asking us to control something we've proven again and again we simply can't control.

D

Moderation would never cut it with me. This is why I am here. The name of this website says it all really....

so·ber/ˈsōbər/
Adjective:
Not affected by alcohol; not drunk.

re·cov·er·y/riˈkəvərē/
Noun:
1.A return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength

I think that is what most of us strive for here. Good luck on your chosen strategy :)

But if you can't stop using the techniques offered on the off days then what hope have you of stopping period?

Myself and many of my friends have tried moderation so many times, its just a con.

Just prolonging the torture and making the obsession worse, I was deluding myself that I never had a drink problem yet my whole life was consumed with thoughts and planning when and how I was going to get my drug fix..alcoHELL.

Why not stop for say 100 days, see how you feel and then think about what you are going to do.

I hate to say this, if you are going to drink then drink.

If you want to quit and get sober, I wish you all the best there are many different ways to go about it.

Good luck !

Oh and btw, being free from alcoHELL is a million times better than my best day moderating.

As a 2-3 times a week drinker I always wanted to moderate but once I start I can't stop until I am passed the heck out most of the time and have never stopped at 3 drinks even though thats what I had in mind when I popped the first can open by 3 beers I am in denial and I keep on ...with just 17 days of sobriety here I know I am not even ready to try moderation, I know me too well I know 3 will lead to 8 and so on. Even though I have the urge to try and see if I can moderate I have to be honest with myself and say I can't even have one. If I didn't have the guilt and anxiety of just getting drunk 2-3 times a week I probably would of been drinking every single day so thank God for the crappy feeling of guilt and anxiety in a way I am not ready to moderate because I can't right now instead of thinking about how far along I am and asking myself when is a good time to try it out I just tell myself everyday, Today I am not going to drink. Good Luck I know this is hard but be honest with yourself even though it probably is one of the most difficult things we have to do in order to keep ourselves sober :)

I have struggled with moderation for years, & was/still am jealous of those around me who can have a few drinks & walk away just fine. You know, the folks who can take it or leave it. lol I have tried & tried. I made promises to myself to only drink a few once a week, like on Friday evening to celebrate making it through another work week. But That first one ALWAYS led me to drink all weekend & the worse Mondays!! Or I would think I need/deserve just one "to take the edge off" after a rough day during the week. A few months of that led me to totally giving in to this disease. Thats why I am here now, working on day 3.

The great thing is I don't get urges /cravings anymore. IMHO they are caused by a complex withdrawal state. In time our bodies adjust to living without toxins. I have found it is very easy to live without alcohol, but it takes time to get there.

I tried moderation for many years as well. It's only this past year, that I realized it wasn't working and truly, truly have tried for abstinence. It's not easy, and I've had many stops and starts, but each time I learn and feel better and more committed than the last. As for as moderating, like you, it usually ended up as a full blown binge eventually. IMO, its a dangerous path.

yup, tried it many times. only worked til i had a drink, then the obsession kicked in and i had no control.
i am an alcoholic. i had to smash the thought that i could drink like a normal person.

The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing as making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic

Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums - we could increase the list ad infinitum.


if you can moderate, my hat is off to ya.

Okay, I genuinely do hear what you people, people who have achieved a fabulous state of being, are saying. Abstinence is where you have to get to, where I want to be.

But I am NOT proposing moderation either. And I understand why its unrealistic.

What I am asking is whether there can be some sort of a transitional process where you can learn techniques resist the urge to drink. Then use them to achieve abstinence.

The alternative seems to be, for many if not the majority, a morale sapping process of failure and starting over. Again and again. Such a small proportion seem ultimately to make it across the beach. And I'm wondering if its a lack of realistic training for the journey.