Getting back to recovery after a slip
 

Hello all, I'm a 27 year old guy and I've been having trouble staying off of alcohol for a while now, and I've thought I was alcoholic and been going to meetings on and off for a little over a year. Like a lot of people who have drinking problems, I've ruined a lot of opportunities in my life because of alcohol and I'm not where I want to be. I had some crazy nights over this past weekend and I'm at the point yet again where I realize I have to stay sober. I'm posting on here since I spend a lot of time on the computer (I'm an IT student) and I want to have my mind on recovery.

I went to an AA meeting this evening and felt better while I was there. My mind is pretty shaken up and I don't want to think about other things and staying sober gives me hope. Thanks guys and I hope that all of you find yourselves well.

welcome to SR Then88 :)
you'll find a ton of support and understanding here.

glad you've joined us :)
D

Welcome to our community, thenn88. There are a lot of genuinely helpful people here. Stay with us and keep posting!

Welcome thenn88 -

Glad you're joining us and have decided to get sober. I think a lot of us have gone back to drinking after realizing we had a problem. We just hope we can find a way to drink without the usual consequences, only to find things get worse over time. That was my story, too.

This is a great place and being on the computer a lot, I think you'll find it really helpful. :wavey:

Thanks guys. I've been spending my night listening to some podcasts of AA speakers. Like I said, I'm still kind of in that shaky depressed "What the hell did I do and how did I think it was a good idea?" state. I'm trying to stay away from those bad thoughts because sometimes when I have a hang over, it feels like those thoughts cause something like a shot of anxiety that ripples through my whole body. It's an awful feeling! I know it will pass which is comforting, but I just have so much trouble maintaining that sobriety.

So good to see you're being proactive in your recovery. SR is so helpful to us.

Glad to see you're posting. Welcome :)

Thanks a lot. I'm having trouble sleeping so I've been poking around on here and posting. I'm going to a meeting tomorrow morning and hopefully one in the evening too.

An ex girlfriend of mine called me this past weekend while I was drinking who I haven't talked to in about a year. I thought about her a lot over that time. We talked for a really long time, probably 6 hours or so. I just wish I were in a better position in my life right now.

It will come. Doesn't matter where we've been - matters where we're going.

I think it is fantastic you aren't waiting for your life to fall apart to address the drink like I did.

I'm awake because I fell asleep in my lounge chair for most of the early evening; now I'm wide awake.

Welcome to SR...Sorry about your slip....Meetings and speaker tapes are great....But it is a 12 step program....Working the steps with a sponsor is what keeps me safe, sane and sober. I hope you have looked into that. It's in the book.

Welcome to the family!:hug: I had many slips but kept on trying and now have over two years!:)

welcome back. I'm glad you found your way back. :)

Welcome :) That's awesome that you're seeking extra support through here and meetings. I know for me, sobriety seemed really easy as long as I was still reeling from the really bad stuff. It was when (eventually) I started forgetting, feeling awesome and in control that I was in the most danger of returning to me 'old ways'. Stay vigilant!

I went to a meeting tonight. Today was a little better, but I feel like I'm going to have a hard time sleeping normally. I can't stand being awake all night. I'm determined to stay sober and make AA work for me. I hope you all are doing well in your recovery. I know in my heart that better days are ahead.

Every day you don't drink will get better.....Sleep will come with time...It's a little rough early on....It'll get better. Keep moving forward.

The start of Day 4... Not feeling so well, my mom gave me a piece of her mind because of my drinking but that is to be expected I guess. I'm tired of hurting people around me. I'm hitting two meetings today, one at 10 am and one in the evening if I can. Thanks to everyone I've talked with on this site. I've been using it a lot these past few days I know I will in the future. I can't wait until I settle down a bit, I'm still pretty nervous and my mind feels chaotic. Hope everyone who sees this finds themselves well.

Day 5. I'm feeling pretty good today, but smoking too many cigarettes. I'm going to another meeting today and I started my fourth step this morning which I never did before really. I don't feel so crazy and shaky today, but I do still feel... unhealthy and a little depressed. I do know things will get better, but it feels like the physical part of the alcohol come down is gone so from here on out its only what I choose to do that will make things better, instead of just waiting out that anxiety and craziness.

I hope you all find yourselves well.

Good for you....I prayed a lot doing that fourth step....For willingness and honesty. It helped me a lot.

P.S. You are working those steps with a sponsor??...I hope.

Yea I'm using my sponsor. I want to go through it quickly but I'm realizing its better to take it a little slower.

Welcome thenn88 & congrats on day 5! Keep coming back here, posting & reading. Especially when your feeling down or tempted. I fell last night, but dusted myself off & am back at it. Learning something new everyday. There's a lot of encouragement & great advice on here. You don't get beat up...you get support.

Hang in there...keep up the good work.
You have my best wishes!!
Hugs~jaz

I probably spent a month on my fourth step....Not 8 hour days...An hour a day was about all I could handle. I set myself and hour a day aside where I wouldn't be bothered by anything. There were a few days I didn't work on it at all. You'll know when you are done. And time varys for everyone. Just be fearless and thorough...

Thorough.... carried through to completion. It's a beautiful step....Eye opening is the best way I could describe it.

Just woke up a bit ago, for the start of day 6. I feel pretty good. I want to quit smoking too. I hate that stuff. I've quit a lot of times for a week or more over the past year or so, maybe like 10 separate occasions, but I usually go back to it if I drink. Working through my fourth step, I realized how much I really do hate the stuff. (nicotine) I really don't want to throw too much on my plate though. A lot of times I will overhaul everything after a bad binge, and only last a week or two before I get really bored with my new routine and snap and go drink. I really am so sick of smoking, yet I can't stop. Sounds familiar... I know the two are linked for me. I don't have alcohol cravings all the time when I'm smoking, but they happen more often when I'm smoking a cigarette. I had almost three months sober going to a meeting almost everyday at the beginning of this year and that was the best I had ever done. My life was starting to REALLY click again. At that point I was smoking pretty regularly though. I woke up every morning and told myself "you aren't smoking today". I would be lighting one up on my way to work every morning, or stopping to buy a pack.

The times that I have been able to stop smoking successfully for a while are directly after a bad binge where I lay around all morning afternoon and night. I get so crippled by anxiety and depression for a few days following a drinking binge that I just can't get myself to go smoke a cigarette. After those few days I just think to myself, "great I quit!" and I'm back to it as soon as I go back to drinking.

I'm going to a meeting today too. I need to get to meetings everyday. If I had steady transportation I would go to one twice a day each day. I hope everyone has a good day in store for them.

well done on finding "recovery just for today".

Sounds like we are at similar places in terms of taking meetings and the program seriously this time. Im moving much slower in terms of a sponsor, step work etc, but suppose what works for you.

Regarding smoking. I'm also cutting down at the moment. From 26 a day(when sober/straight), now at 19 a day. I dont want to go through hectic withdrawals, moods that could jeopardise my state of mind, and hence recovery. Using an app, and staying within a comfortable range.

Guy at meeting last night said its a bad idea to quit smoking in first year of recovery. But like you im sick of smoking. In active addiction people said I reminded them of Keith Richards, Im not a vain guy at all, but looking like a drug addicted +60 rock star is never good when you 37. God knows what my insides look like :)

So at least cutting down smoking is a part of the healthier lifestyle that is part of the program for me

When I went to rehab the doctor told me not to try quitting both at the same time. He said to take care of the alcohol first. I took his advice and quit smoking at 11 months sober. I have 14 months sober now...Still not smoking. I'm curious what happened after those three months that you went back to drinking? What did you learn from that?

I was so tired of doing the right thing. I wanted to do something exciting. I felt like I was jumping out of my skin. I called my sponsor and told him I was on my way to a bar. We talked a while but I had my mind made up. I got really drunk got home at 230 am and called my boss and told him I couldn't go to work the next day. They were about to promote me to the manager of the warehouse too, I had interviewed and had the job. So I freaked out when I heard his tone, and I spent all my money on a plane ticket to France leaving that morning. I slept a bit and went. It was a big binge and I was there for two weeks, lots of crazy stuff but I didn't even enjoy it at all because I was so drunk and depressed. I got home and went to my home group when I got back, but I just didn't get back into the groove. This past time, 6 days ago was no where near as extravagant, but I'm just... Tired of choosing the bad over the good. My life is pretty ridiculous and I'm less mature now than I was at 18 years old. It really is a foolish thing I did and I know that. I can't do anything about that now. I'm tired of being a bum who doesn't finish anything and only cares about doing something so crazy that might be fun or people would think is cool. I want to grow up and be a man.

I think I needed every drunk I had....I had to be at the point where I only had two choices...I don't know why....Maybe that's how I'm wired. But I was either going to die drunk....Or get better.

I will ditto that !!!!

I am wired the same way..

Glad I went to this side of the fence.

Day 7. I feel like my sleep is finally normal. Woke up at about 8 am today. Went to a meeting this morning but other than that, I haven't really done a whole lot. Was pretty lazy. I'm not too concerned about it. It is a Saturday after all. So first week in the bag, woohoo!

Awesome....Nothing wrong with being a little lazy in early sobriety...The body and mind is changing.....Great job on one week!!....That's a good one to get through!!!

At the start of day 9. I mentioned before about how much I wanted to quit smoking and I made the plunge... Yesterday at about 2 pm I finally said enough. Now I just have to get through these next few days. I'm really at the point where every cigarette disgusts me, and I feel like I can't get anything done because I just want to keep smoking.

I went to a meeting yesterday and will be going to another this evening. Not smoking will be a challenge at the meeting but I think I will be okay. I hope you all find yourselves well.

Sounds like you're doing great....If it comes down to picking up a drink or picking up a smoke....Smoke away. Nice job on the meetings...Are you reading the book at all?