Need help =(
 

My life is a mess. I've had a problem with alcohol for about 2 years. I'll stop, convince my husband that was the last time then start all over again after a coulple weeks.
We have a 3 and 4 year old. I'm a stay at home mom. I'm conpletley dependant on him.

He told me he is done and I noticed he has a consultation set up to talk to an attorney on Monday evening. I'm freaking out. I dont know what to do. He said he wont help me. I dont want to lose my marriage, kids.... I have nothing. No one. I dont even know who to call or where to begin first. Hes already taken the money from our account and has prevented me from being able to move my car from the garage.

Im not a bad mom. I just have a problem. I dont know what to do!!!!!

see a lawyer yourself

Sorry to hear this, I hate alcohol for this very reason! If he's done, I don't know if he'd be willing to see you checked into a rehab center-but that requires you trying-what's the use if you are not serious and he and the children can't be your only focus. It's YOU and YOUR SOBRIETY that counts.. All you can do is ask Him and see if he'd give you a chance if you are doing it on your own and making a difference. If he puts you out, you probably could go straight into a detox/rehab center and they would help you to transition out-it will be good for you to be in a program-especially if your children are taken from you.... I hope the best for you...

Yes you should see a lawyer yourself - I don't know how long you've been married but unless you signed a pre nup you are most likely entitled to some of the assets.

You do have a problem - the question is what are you going to do about the problem? Have you considered doing something drastic to stop yourself from drinking, check into rehab, go to AA and get a sponsor? Your husband probably doesn't believe you can quit at this point so he's sick of it.

Your method of quitting has failed. Time for plan b

Sounds like you're between a rock and a hard place. No money/transportation makes seeing a lawyer tough. What I'd do is get to work on figuring out if I'm alcoholic or not and finding a real plan of action to get that - the one thing you CAN deal with - moving forward.

I've seen all sorts of nasty home-environments sort themselves out when the person with the booze problem figures out the really have an alcoholism problem and starts doing something to treat their alcoholism.

Has he spoken to you? Told you why he's blocked your car? Why he took all the money? I mean, you know why he's seeing a lawyer but the other things seem extreme. It's one thing if you have a history of drinking and driving but it's quite another if he's just hell bent on taking every last thing away from you. Then I'd RUN to a lawyer.

In the meantime, figure out what you're going to do about YOU.

Have you called AA ??
Calling a Lawyer right now may just signal you want to fight. I would signal I want to surrender.

I wish you the best.

Bob R

I'm sorry for whats happening hrich.
I have no personal experience to offer, I'm afraid.

these sites may be of legal help
Office Of Civil Legal Aid
WashingtonLawHelp.org | A guide to free and low-cost legal aid, assistance and services in Washington

Obviously you need to address your drinking too - any ideas on what you're going to do there?

D

thats awful to hear, drink can take control in so many ways and has you feel like you are choosing drink over your family but luckily i have a supportive boyfriend who is there for me through thick and thin. maybes you need to talk to him and admit your problems and tell him that you need him to be there for you whilst you get help then speak to your doc asap to get the ball rolling for help. if he doesnt stand by you do not think youll get your kids took off you for having a problem, if anything youll get more support and the only way the kids will get took away is if you dont do anything at all to help yourself and your drinking is being dangerous towards your kids. i dont mean to sound rude but maybes youve had a bit of a lucky escape and need to do this on your own as i speak to a group of women who say their husbands or partners hinder their recovery through praying on their alcohol weakness to have control but once the alcohol has gone the male loses the control and the way to get it back is to get the woman to drink again. forgive me if some people dont agree but most women in recovery have experienced this but some do have truly supportive partners.

Are you sober now Hrich? If you have gone back and forth a lot then (as we all do) then it is understandable that your husband is frustrated. But then being backed into a corner isn't going to help. You need to quit for yourself.

Being sober and doing whatever you can to stay that way can only help your situation x

Thank you all! I'm not drinking now. Its been since Tuesday. My min step right now it to just not drink. There is a support group at church and also I signed up for outpatient care but my husband said he's not willing to help me in any way.
He said he's taken everything to prevent me from drinking. He knows this is not true as he knows I have money stashed. I just asked him to move his car from blocking mine and he won't. Hi told him making me feel helpless isn't fair and he said hes felt that way before so who cares what's fair.

I'm hoping I can get my car out or score a ride to see an attorney. I'm feeling a bit better now that I'm calmer now. I guess all I can do for the time being is not drink and focus on making myself better.

*sigh* this stinks.

seeing a lawyer isnt gonna help with your drinking problem. the only way i could stop drinking is when i did it for me and me alone.

your husband isnt responsible for helping you. that is your responsibility.
focusing on you and what to do to make yourself better is a very good idea.

when i got to the point of desperation and it was get help geting sober( which for me is more than not drinking) or take another drink and kill myself, i went to AA. the program showed me how to make myself and my life better. the fellowship taught me how to do it. it has been a blessing. it took a while to clear away the wreckage i left in my wake and i am still a work in progress, but i am no longer existing. i am living!

I'm sorry this is all happening for you, hrich. Do you have any family you could talk to about everything that's going on? You need all the support you can get right now.

One thing I would do would be to write down as much as I could about specific events and conversations, days sober, etc., in case you need it. You should be able to find some basic legal information on the internet as well.

"...all I can do for the time being is not drink and focus on making myself better."

That's all any of us can do. You're now communicating with your man, that's good! It's obvious he's determined to protect the children, any way he feels he has to. I realize I don't know the whole story... I think you need to be in inpatient treatment immediately. Forget about the lawyers for now. Maybe you won't need them. Get sober, stay sober, earn his trust. Don't make this any uglier than it is.

My opinion only, take it or leave it.

how are you holding up?

I'm still alive. I feel like I'm in a fog now. Fightng to stay sober has been so consuming that I'm having a hard time dealing with all of this mentally.

I'm scare and really just want to crawl into a hole.

He says he has taken everything away to keep you from drinking. If he flat out didn't care about what happened to you, he probably wouldn't try to keep you from drinking. Try to remain calm and not escalate the situation. Are your children still in the home? Stay sober, read to them and go to bed early:)

Did you call AA ?? . ......

All the best.

Bob R

feel good in the knowledge that how you feel isnt unique. i was in quite a fog for some time. i drank for many years. trying to block all of the emotions/feelings/ thoughts that would come up. then when i stopped drinking, it was all there, right in front of me and i had to learn how to live sober. i leanred i didnt know a dam thing about living. i was only existing when i was drinking and that was for about 23 years and everything that ever came up, the solution was alcohol. it ididnt work very good. so i had a lotta learning to do, learnin about what makes me tick and how to live as a responsible human.

gettin sober was a fight( for me sober is more than just not drinking). it was the biggest fight i had ever faced. stayin sober has been easy. i owe everything i am to the program and fellowship of AA. it didnt save my life. it saved my ass and gave me life.

and i am sure that you know crawling into a hole isnt a good solution, right?