AA without meetings. Is it possible?
 

I have heard a lot about AA and I think it might help me but I can't attend meetings because of anxiety right now. Does anyone have any advice about maybe some online help that you have found really useful. How do you do the 12 steps without meetings and a sponsor?

I guess I should say it's not that I just don't want to go to meetings, I just can't right now. I have panic disorder and I can't do a room full of strangers for any reason, much less if I would have to share. I can barely go to the grocery store. I'm not lazy or bored (embarassed, yes) but i would feel like i was going to die or maybe pass out. Cannot deal with that, I know it's stupid since it's all in my stupid head...doesn't make a difference tho when you can't breathe.

I don't have any advice, but I am having the same issue. I hope you get some good responses as I am in the same boat. Hang in there!

I can so relate to what you are saying. I went today but I needed a really small dose of a tranquilizer. My naturalpathic doctor suggested something to help me so really hoping it will help me. I have the panic/anxiety thing also so it can be difficult but it was so nice to see some old friends...wishing you luck

Myjourney4me

What about on line AA meetings to get you started?

It's in the attending of the meetings that you overcome your anxiety. And you would !!


All the best.

Bob R

That is the truth. You will be amazed at yourself quickly. Most all of us suffer from the old anxiety specially when we first quit. Each day sober helps alot , but I found meetings the best. And little things like going to the library,walks in the parks that were kinda busy. Just getting out there. It will fade. :)

I am 7 months sober and attend meetings when my schedule permits. I was 2 months sober before I was able to get my nerve up and go. I was very self concious and nervous, but I survived. I continued to go and the more I listened, the more I wanted to become involved and learn and grow. When I asked the woman who is my sponsor if she would consider sponsoring me after I had been attending for about 4 months, her reply was "I've just been waiting for you to ask me". It made me cry. Today I presented her with my completion of Step Two and it only made me want to succeed and grow in the program even more. I respect your panic disorder - I have been there, too. I thought I was alleviating it thru a little social drinking. That social drinking turned me into a 6 night a week drunk with panic attacks. Take it a day at a time. Work on walking the sober path and when you feel up to it, take a deep breath, open the door to AA and walk in. Embrace the support and knowledge of the others you will meet there. It's not so scary. If I can do it, I know you can (and will) too. Congratulations on joing us here - it's really good to have you with us. Hugs, NBC

Good stuff Chef love it :)

IM - I've learned and continue to learn from you with every post, you are awesome, my fellow foodie! Hugs, NBC

Some anxiety disorders can be quite serious and make meetings extremely difficult for some people. What I would suggest is that you call your local AA office and tell them your situation. Ask for someone to come to your home or to meet you somewhere. These meetings are called “12th step calls” which is just another way of saying that someone can speak with you individually about the AA program. Typically they will send 2 people so if that would cause too much anxiety be sure to tell them that. These offices are staffed by volunteers (just typical people who have been helped by AA). Perhaps after getting to know someone they can suggest somethings depending on local resources. Here is a link for the phone numbers. Alcoholics Anonymous : Local Resources that provide A.A. Meeting Information

Feel free to send me a private message if you like.

The program of AA is the steps. The BB of AA was written to show folks how the founders (+) got sober, and to help others to get/stay sober. There's no mention in any of the steps about going to meetings.

Although it's nice to be able to hang out with other sober/recovering folks, it's not required. For AA sobriety, the only requirements are the steps. Work em; get sober; stay sober.

(o:

Have you thought about seeing a drug/alcohol abuse counselor? Good place to get one on one with your problems. Go see your doctor and see if he/she will give you something for your panic attacks.

It can be crippling, trust me.

It is true that know where in the Big Book does it state about meetings.

But it Does make ti clear that working and applying the steps, prayer, and working with another drunk will keep you sober. And meetings are a daily place that you can work for the fellow alcoholic. ;)

You can do, great suggestions I hope you take um and run with it. :)

I just wanted to say that for some people with serious anxiety/panic disorders, it can shift into agoraphobia very easily. There is a great book called The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook. Please check it out! It helped me a great deal, along with therapy. I had a similar issue, and I decided to go with Rational Recovery, which is also a book. That's just another method among many. At that time, I would not have been capable of going to an AA meeting or having a stranger in my home. Some suggest just sucking it up and going in, but I'm not sure they fully appreciate how severe some anxiety/panic disorders and phobias can be. (you can't know unless you've lived it.) If someone is phobic of snakes, you don't just dump snakes on their head assuming that will "cure" them. Phobias require systematic desensitization, not flooding. You can STILL read the AA material, and there are many ways to participate online. If you really aren't capable right now of physically going to meetings- you may need to modify things so it works for you. You are allowed to participate in AA however you're comfortable. Nobody is standing guard insisting it's "my way or the highway!". You do what you feel is right for you, the best that you know how, and don't you worry! Just stick to your goal of not drinking. That is the #1 MOST important thing, right? :-) I'm not sure if you're seeing a therapist for your phobias- but it can REALLY help! I had to have a buddy with me and have them drive the first few times, but I could go on my own after a while. I am now able to do all the things I want on my own! I still get anxious sometimes but I have the tools to handle it. There is definitely hope for you with this disorder! You just need to get the tools and do some work- but I believe with all my heart you CAN learn how to overcome this with a little help. <3

Welcome to SR Amnesiac....I agree with you...It was for me. My anxiety was through the roof....And was probably cut in half just getting through that first meeting. For myself just finding out this problem wasn't mine alone helped me work through a lot of fear. I was loaded with fear....One of the things those 12 steps help us deal with. I would suggest you call your local AA Helpline and explain your situation....Arrange to have someone take you to your first meeting....Meet you there. You don't need to say a word...Just listen. It got easier for me every time I went...Now I just love to go...That simple.
As far as needing them or not?....Our founders gave us three legacies....

Recovery.....Unity....Service.

Recovery is the 12 steps....Unity is the fellowship....The meetings.....Service is our primary goal...Carry the message to the alcoholic that still suffers. Consider it a three legged stool....It won't stand if one leg is missing. One thing I can promise you....You will meet people that have been where you are...And all they want to do is help you....It won't be long before you are helping someone else walking into their first meeting...That's how it works. Enjoy your journey...It will change your life...If you work for it.

Congrats on seven months and great post nonblondechef!!

I've been to AA a number of times, both court ordered and non. I suppose my "fear" is, although I know it's probably just me, there is a sense that if you don't participate (talk) you aren't doing your job or just feel a tad out of place.

And of course every time I'm in Detox or come in contact with someone successfully sober for ____ time, they say just keep trying til you find a group you like. I agree with that. I don't know about the "every day or week" thing either though.

More than anything for me I think a sponsor would benefit me more than anything because I am just not the type of person who likes to be in big groups to begin with.

AA is a program that you have to want to work....I don't think being forced into it brings the best results. I would say having a sponsor is one of the most important things you can do....This is a life saving deal here...Why not have somebody that has done it show you how it works? And if you are not sure about the every day or every week thing?....I had to ask myself how often did I drink?....If I couldn't put at least the same effort into my recovery I put into my drinking...What would I expect for results?

I am just like you, did NOT, repeat NOT want to go in to an AA meeting. But my doctor made me promise that I would go, and I was done lying to my doctor so I dragged myself in there kicking and screaming - total mental anguish. I got around it a little by thinking about being sober and being able to function normally someday, and that all the doubt and anxiety I was feeling was my addiction having a fit because it knows that it's going to get rid of it.

I went to my first AA meeting this last Monday. There was only two other people there. It was quite possibly the most warm and accepting place I've been. I didn't hardly talk, they just talked, and I listened. I spoke a little bit at the end, but that's about it. There is no pressure to speak. You can walk in sit there and just listen for as long as you want.

Coming from another introverted person and anxiety-prone, you should at least try to get out to a meeting. See your doctor for something to help with your anxiety and let them know it's because you want to try and attend some AA meetings. Again, no pressure at all to speak, you can just listen.

You will be glad that you did it once it's over.

Yeah. So right, NoelleR.

As already mentioned, whimper, anyone can phone in to their local AA, and they'll send usually two people over to visit in your home, or anywhere else you may choose. They'll also do this over and over again, and as you feel more comfortable, more choices can be made.

I've done plenty of 12th step calls. I've also attended many underground AA meetings created by advanced members. We didn't have these listed with AA officially for the public, we kept them in the quite, and through word-of-mouth. Those private meetings rocked!

You know, there really is sooo many ways to successfully do the AA program. It's not just all about "go to public meetings" "get and always keep a sponsor" "keep trying and suffer thru it"

Also, for what its worth, anxiety disorder is not solved, or even always reduced by simply walking into any AA meeting, or anywhere else either. It takes more then just recovery to deal with anxiety is often the case.

:)

I don't think there is anything that always works....For me it did...Sounds like it did for others....So did getting a sponsor and going to public meetings...I didn't know where the private meetings were. I guess you can work it any way you want...I know what worked for me.

Well, I think some things always work, you know?

Like faith. love. sobriety. trust. friendship. intelligence. responsibility. charity. hope. forgiveness....

I appreciate what worked for you worked. What worked for you though would not, was not, and is not enough to work for me. I needed much more. No problemo.

Yeah, we all can work it any way we want. awesome.

Just replying to your anxiety disorder comment...Still love you Robbie.

Yeah.

Sapling, I appreciate your love. I do. You gotta know though, I don't agree with promoting AA, or any other program either. I'm all for attraction, attraction, attraction. By example. End of story. Have a nice day.

I gotta tell you this too, I suppose. Sometimes love is not enough. I was almost loved to death, you know? I don't know if you've ever been loved too much, Sapling.

anyways. you know i love you too.

:a122:

Thanks for this. Very true. It should be remembered that no addiction recovery program should bill itself as the answer to a mental illness, including anxiety disorders, and the "just suck it up and go" idea could actually end up doing great harm to someone.

AA is the steps, but it's also the fellowship of having people that are there for the exact same thing I am.

One of the main reasons I started drinking is because I was the shyest person on the planet. I had an extreme inferiority complex and I couldn't even talk to other men, let alone members of the opposite sex. Other people petrified me ... literally. I froze. In my younger years it led to some interesting ridicule at school. A couple drinks solved this. I loved it, but take away the drink and I was back at the start

When I started AA, my problem was every bit as bad as when I was a kid, but I needed to live and the only way I was going to do that was if I quit drinking. So I forced myself. Remember the part that says "willing to go to any lengths to get it" ? I have no idea what those people thought at those first few meetings, of my bleached white face, the shaking and the mumbling. Probably thought I was just off a week long drunk. (OK, I was that too) The reason for that though, was that I was super intimidated by them

I wanted what they had. Happiness and sobriety, so I started by forcing myself to say my name. After a time, I found that these people weren't so scary. I started to trust them. They weren't there to make fun of me or ridicule me in any way. I had a wonderful sponsor that helped work me through a lot of this and because of the program not only am I clean, sober and happy, the people out there no longer scare me. (OK some still do)

I had to make a decision. Was I willing to do absolutely anything it took to live?

Thanks to everyone for your encouragement. If most AA members are like the folks on SR, maybe it's not so scary after all. I think I am going to start with the AA book at home tho since that feels neutral to me and doesn't seem as scary as a meeting right now. Maybe I can find a small meeting soon.

My plan is to stay sober today.

see your private messages.

I wish you a fabulous recovery journey!

This guy is one of AA's first 100.....take a listen: XA-Speakers - The lights are on!