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Not sure what to do, my wife said she likes it when I have a couple of drinks My wife said that she wanted to me have a few drinks with her tonight, and that she likes it better when I loosen up instead of sulky and sober. Although, I know that she will have 2 drinks, and I will have many. Not sure what to do here. Almost 3 full days sober. |
Get her to read the 'To Wives' chapter in the Big Book. It is clear that she doesn't understand, but you do. Don't let it be an excuse to drink x |
Tell her how bad it makes you feel & you need to quit before it continues to get worse. That's an awful position to be put in. Can you be honest with her? About how it's escalated? How unhealthy it is physically, mentally, financially? How it's affecting your self esteem? She may just be afraid of change. |
DON'T DO IT! Have you told your wife about your alcoholism? Does she know the full extent of it? I think my husband probably misses me drinking at times. I guess he enjoyed the first few drinks I had with him, and enjoyed the 'bonding' and all that drunken fun. But he would never EVER say anything like that to me... he wouldn't jeopardize my sobriety in any way. In fact, he likes to downplay my milestones, too, just in case I get too big for my boots (my wording) and think it'll be OK to drink again. I think you probably need to explain to your wife that a recovering alcoholic cannot drink... at all. Congratulations on your three days... stay strong. |
Well, if wife thinks there's no problem, then there must not be a problem. Of course, you might have a nice insurance policy you're paying on..... Do YOU believe YOU have a problem drinking? Are YOU ready to stay stopped? This is a life and death thing, this alcoholism...... What do YOU need to do for YOU?? |
Tells me at times that I do drink too much at times, and now knows that I usually consume anywhere from 6-12 a day. But, she wants me to be a social and occasional drinker. |
"....she wants me to be a social and occasional drinker." That won't happen. No one likes change. Now is the time to get a real hobby or activity you and wife like to do together. Maybe start to get to know each other on a deeper level. It's your choice what to do, but this alcoholism is not a joke. Have you considered AA? Take wife to an open meeting? Al Anon? Something.... read Under the Influence together and discuss what you've read? Read the book Alcoholics Anonymous a chapter at a time and discuss it? Just some things to think about. I wish you both well. |
That is because people who are social drinkers don't understand what it's like to be an alcoholic. Take her to an open AA meeting. I am sure she will want to support you in whatever way she can. |
Originally Posted by walkingwithgod
(Post 3527838)
My wife said that she wanted to me have a few drinks with her tonight, and that she likes it better when I loosen up instead of sulky and sober. How about she looks forward to you happy and sober? |
Ok i am gonna play dr phil here...but maybe think about this: if you are being sulky when sober, maybe subconsciously you are giving her signals. like, "i am uncomfortable when i am sober" then she feels uncomfortable. somehow she thinks a few drinks will solve everything, and MAYBE thats what you want to hear? then if you drink, it's kind of her "fault"...? besides all that, she just does not understand. and why would she, she is not an alcoholic. my husband isn't addicted to anything, never abused anything, and the whole time i was drinking, he had no clue what it was like. it wasn't until i went through treatment that he got a little education, and seemed to get it a little, but he will never fully understand the grip of addiction. anyway, i wish you well, and i wish you a sober, happy, weekend! |
well, maybe suggest an alternative plan tonight rather than her having a few drinks and you sitting there sulky and sober. It's hard to be anything but sulky the first few days -- but it does pass! Maybe go to a movie, rent a movie, go for a hike, go for a drive in the country. Explain to her than the sulkiness will pass, and that you're committed to not drinking. That will help. |
She clearly does not understand things. It's up to you to ell her more of what it's like for you. You may have not expressed it in a way she see as a threat to everything you have. Maybe have her go to a meeting with you to see what this is all about. |
When me and my husband go for a meal at our local eatery, which is in a pub. He has brought up the couple of times, when, in the past (when I was still actively drinking) what fun we used to have when we shared a bottle of red over dinner... while I'm sipping soda and lime and looking at my watch and tapping my foot! He always recieves a "Paddington stare" as an answer! Some people just don't think sometimes. Can't blame them, but we are still adjusting to our 'new' normal. If that means we are miserable, then leave us alone for a while. I will always tell my husband I'm in a bad mood and I always tell him why. I think he understands. But he has also seen my natural highs as well. It all just takes time. |
Originally Posted by walkingwithgod
(Post 3527838)
My wife said that she wanted to me have a few drinks with her tonight, and that she likes it better when I loosen up instead of sulky and sober. Although, I know that she will have 2 drinks, and I will have many. Not sure what to do here. Almost 3 full days sober. Sober is good, sulky not so much. All the best. Bob R |
Not sure what to do, my wife said she likes it when I have a couple of drinks I'm not sure I quite believe that. You have posted before about your wife's concerns about your drinking. Now all of a sudden, while you are struggling at day 3, she wants you to drink? Were you being sulky in the hope that she'd accept your drinking as the least of two evils? You've been pretty secretive about your drinking, drinking before she gets home with your child. Maybe it's time to disclose the extent of your problem. The drinking problem is yours. The recovery is yours too. Take ownership of it. Don't drink tonight. And try to be pleasant. |
People have said that to me too walkingwithgod...I was apparently unbearable when I wasn't drinking...sulky, irritable argumentative... It offended me at the time...but they were right. What people didn't understand is that I can't just have two drinks, loosen up, get happy, and stop. Drinking was my problem...not my solution. I eventually figured out I could try to be a little less sullen tho...I also told those who needed to know exactly what was going on :) D |
Not sure what to do, so lost. I want to be a social drinker. I can't, I am scared. I hate this disease, oh crap |
You do know what to do, you just don't want to do it I reckon. I was like that for a long time before I finally gave up for good. I tried the social drinking bit, put limits on myself, tried different combinations of drinks. Failed. Failed. Failed. Talk to your wife. Tell her how desperately unhappy you are. Ask for help. Drinking will not help xxx |
I think you know what you need to do too WWG :) It's like Gloria Steinem said..."The truth will set you free. But first, it will p*ss you off." D |
None of us want to be here, but we are here. We just have to keep trying because we want to live a good quality life. What are our choices if we keep using our drug of choice? death or prision. I don't want either of those choices so I chose life. You have to want to help yourself. Explain to your wife that you will never be a social drinker. That there is life but that you both are going to have to find new ways to have fun. Go to dinner and a movie tonight. Try to put on a smile. Congrads on the three days. Welcome and you are in the right place. Good luck Chrisy |
Originally Posted by walkingwithgod
(Post 3527838)
...I know that she will have 2 drinks, and I will have many. This is definitely a sulky and sober day for me, yet I know that alcohol will only be a temporary fix for what is really making me sulk. Tomorrow it will be no better, and it will likely be worse. Our overall and long-term happiness is more important than a temporary high. You should be completely clear about quitting with your wife, and she should be completely supportive of you. Hang in there! |
I remember what someone here typed once it was "if I could drink like a normal person, I'd do it all the time" another that sticks in my mind is "It's easy to put off getting sober...I did it for years, drink by drink" Congratulations on day 3!! |
i go to a recovery group and in this weeks meeting we were talkng about partners reactions to us not drinking and it shocked me to hear some people who were trying to stop where being encouraged to drink by their partners and the councellor told everyone that its because we become much stronger and confident without drink and it scares the partner into thinking you may realise you cant be with them whilst in recovery so their way to keep you is to have you carry on drinking. speak to her tell her you need to stop and it wont affect your relationship aslong as she supports you and doesnt encourage you to drink, she may just need reasurance that you arent going to get rid of her once you stop drinking. the group i go to there is a gentleman who is going through recovery and we had a day out and he brought his wife who doesnt drink and you could see how much they loved each other and how much she supported him through his recovery and it was so sweet to see |
also i go through the sulky sober moments which inturn results in my bf allowing me to get a drink. if my bf tells me i cant have a drink i fall out with him really badly and cause the worst arguments and can be so evil that he caves in and allows me to get drink just to stop me being a bitch, so in my opinon either your girlfriend is encouraging you to drink through fear of you leaving once you become sober or your a jekyll and hyde when sober and drunk that she cant put up with your tantrums. if im right in my 1st post then you need to speak to her yet if im right that you do become moody and nasty when you want a drink then you really need to stop as its not fair on your partner to be put under so much pressure. in all honesty if you are wanting to stop drinking then your partner should be supportive and not drink also as that is what my partner is doing. as for being a social drinker that will never happen as you could go 1 year without drink and think you could have 1 drink as youve managed a year but then it will soon creep back up on youwhere youll end up back here and back at square one. |
My husband said the same thing last night..that he misses having a drink with me. What he forgets is that he had one or maybe two drinks. I matched him drink for drink and then when he wasn't looking had two or three of four more. Then he'd complain that I had no tolerance to liquor. We are going to a wedding tomorrow..he wants to have "an event" drink with..I can't do that - I simply can't stop at one drink... So I am the designated driver instead :) The long and the short for me is I can't drink. He may miss the social drinking with me - but I don't miss the hangovers, guilt, the blackouts, and so on. Stick to you commitment to yourself! |
I just wanted to offer a word of encouragement, WWG. I think I am pretty much where you are on my spouse kind of liking me to have a couple of drinks with him. He drinks everyday, only one or two beers, heck - maybe he's an alcoholic too. I really do understand and I hope that you will stay on track and alcohol free. We can find ways to not be so sulky - but I think we'll have to get regular support and look for ways to truly get and be better. I'm rooting for you - had my last drink last night - so I'm a noob. Blessings, EoB |
So today after having drinks with her Friday and Saturday she says that I need a break from booze. |
Well, now it's settled, and you can work on your sobriety:) |
Originally Posted by walkingwithgod
(Post 3530512)
So today after having drinks with her Friday and Saturday she says that I need a break from booze. |
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