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Not sure what to do, my wife said she likes it when I have a couple of drinks My wife said that she wanted to me have a few drinks with her tonight, and that she likes it better when I loosen up instead of sulky and sober. Although, I know that she will have 2 drinks, and I will have many. Not sure what to do here. Almost 3 full days sober. |
Get her to read the 'To Wives' chapter in the Big Book. It is clear that she doesn't understand, but you do. Don't let it be an excuse to drink x |
Tell her how bad it makes you feel & you need to quit before it continues to get worse. That's an awful position to be put in. Can you be honest with her? About how it's escalated? How unhealthy it is physically, mentally, financially? How it's affecting your self esteem? She may just be afraid of change. |
DON'T DO IT! Have you told your wife about your alcoholism? Does she know the full extent of it? I think my husband probably misses me drinking at times. I guess he enjoyed the first few drinks I had with him, and enjoyed the 'bonding' and all that drunken fun. But he would never EVER say anything like that to me... he wouldn't jeopardize my sobriety in any way. In fact, he likes to downplay my milestones, too, just in case I get too big for my boots (my wording) and think it'll be OK to drink again. I think you probably need to explain to your wife that a recovering alcoholic cannot drink... at all. Congratulations on your three days... stay strong. |
Well, if wife thinks there's no problem, then there must not be a problem. Of course, you might have a nice insurance policy you're paying on..... Do YOU believe YOU have a problem drinking? Are YOU ready to stay stopped? This is a life and death thing, this alcoholism...... What do YOU need to do for YOU?? |
Tells me at times that I do drink too much at times, and now knows that I usually consume anywhere from 6-12 a day. But, she wants me to be a social and occasional drinker. |
"....she wants me to be a social and occasional drinker." That won't happen. No one likes change. Now is the time to get a real hobby or activity you and wife like to do together. Maybe start to get to know each other on a deeper level. It's your choice what to do, but this alcoholism is not a joke. Have you considered AA? Take wife to an open meeting? Al Anon? Something.... read Under the Influence together and discuss what you've read? Read the book Alcoholics Anonymous a chapter at a time and discuss it? Just some things to think about. I wish you both well. |
That is because people who are social drinkers don't understand what it's like to be an alcoholic. Take her to an open AA meeting. I am sure she will want to support you in whatever way she can. |
Originally Posted by walkingwithgod
(Post 3527838)
My wife said that she wanted to me have a few drinks with her tonight, and that she likes it better when I loosen up instead of sulky and sober. How about she looks forward to you happy and sober? |
Ok i am gonna play dr phil here...but maybe think about this: if you are being sulky when sober, maybe subconsciously you are giving her signals. like, "i am uncomfortable when i am sober" then she feels uncomfortable. somehow she thinks a few drinks will solve everything, and MAYBE thats what you want to hear? then if you drink, it's kind of her "fault"...? besides all that, she just does not understand. and why would she, she is not an alcoholic. my husband isn't addicted to anything, never abused anything, and the whole time i was drinking, he had no clue what it was like. it wasn't until i went through treatment that he got a little education, and seemed to get it a little, but he will never fully understand the grip of addiction. anyway, i wish you well, and i wish you a sober, happy, weekend! |
well, maybe suggest an alternative plan tonight rather than her having a few drinks and you sitting there sulky and sober. It's hard to be anything but sulky the first few days -- but it does pass! Maybe go to a movie, rent a movie, go for a hike, go for a drive in the country. Explain to her than the sulkiness will pass, and that you're committed to not drinking. That will help. |
She clearly does not understand things. It's up to you to ell her more of what it's like for you. You may have not expressed it in a way she see as a threat to everything you have. Maybe have her go to a meeting with you to see what this is all about. |
When me and my husband go for a meal at our local eatery, which is in a pub. He has brought up the couple of times, when, in the past (when I was still actively drinking) what fun we used to have when we shared a bottle of red over dinner... while I'm sipping soda and lime and looking at my watch and tapping my foot! He always recieves a "Paddington stare" as an answer! Some people just don't think sometimes. Can't blame them, but we are still adjusting to our 'new' normal. If that means we are miserable, then leave us alone for a while. I will always tell my husband I'm in a bad mood and I always tell him why. I think he understands. But he has also seen my natural highs as well. It all just takes time. |
Originally Posted by walkingwithgod
(Post 3527838)
My wife said that she wanted to me have a few drinks with her tonight, and that she likes it better when I loosen up instead of sulky and sober. Although, I know that she will have 2 drinks, and I will have many. Not sure what to do here. Almost 3 full days sober. Sober is good, sulky not so much. All the best. Bob R |
Not sure what to do, my wife said she likes it when I have a couple of drinks I'm not sure I quite believe that. You have posted before about your wife's concerns about your drinking. Now all of a sudden, while you are struggling at day 3, she wants you to drink? Were you being sulky in the hope that she'd accept your drinking as the least of two evils? You've been pretty secretive about your drinking, drinking before she gets home with your child. Maybe it's time to disclose the extent of your problem. The drinking problem is yours. The recovery is yours too. Take ownership of it. Don't drink tonight. And try to be pleasant. |
People have said that to me too walkingwithgod...I was apparently unbearable when I wasn't drinking...sulky, irritable argumentative... It offended me at the time...but they were right. What people didn't understand is that I can't just have two drinks, loosen up, get happy, and stop. Drinking was my problem...not my solution. I eventually figured out I could try to be a little less sullen tho...I also told those who needed to know exactly what was going on :) D |
Not sure what to do, so lost. I want to be a social drinker. I can't, I am scared. I hate this disease, oh crap |
You do know what to do, you just don't want to do it I reckon. I was like that for a long time before I finally gave up for good. I tried the social drinking bit, put limits on myself, tried different combinations of drinks. Failed. Failed. Failed. Talk to your wife. Tell her how desperately unhappy you are. Ask for help. Drinking will not help xxx |
I think you know what you need to do too WWG :) It's like Gloria Steinem said..."The truth will set you free. But first, it will p*ss you off." D |
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