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-   -   So ... I failed ... (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/262987-so-i-failed.html)

desertsong 07-19-2012 08:20 PM

So ... I failed ...
 
Four months sober and I caved. I just can't live with my alcoholic husband. It's too hard to live with someone who is still drinking. He hates my being sober, and I can't live with him when I'm sober .... his drinking is repulsive to me. I'm going back to the doctor tomorrow ... looking for help with this ... and I'm probably going to have to kick my husband out of the house. He doesn't like me sober and he doesn't like me drunk either ... it works both ways. He has been a liar and a cheater for the last few months ... I knew my being sober was threatening to him and he did what I figured he'd do. I'm just lost right now. But I think I know what I need to do. Thank you for listening.

freshstart57 07-19-2012 08:26 PM

I am so very sorry to hear of your troubles, Desertsong. I hope your talk with a professional tomorrow will help turn you towards the direction you need to go. I wish you the best. There will always be support here for you from your SR friends.

Dee74 07-19-2012 08:28 PM

I'm sorry to hear this to DS...but you're still here and you're still working on solutions. I can't really see that as a failure :)

I wish you strength and courage for the immediate future and the decisions and situations you have to face too.

D

pinkdog 07-19-2012 08:30 PM

I made sobriety my #1 priority. I think that's the ticket. Hugs to you dear.:grouphug:

DisplacedGRITS 07-19-2012 08:33 PM

i'm so sorry to hear that, DS. talking to your doctor is a good idea. you need to do what is right for you and your sobriety. you are here and that is good. you are working hard and trying to figure out what to do in a difficult situation and that is good too. don't give up. we care about you.

Itchy 07-19-2012 08:40 PM

DS,
That is tough, trust me I know how you feel. You need to take care of yourself. I am taking my AW into counseling starting next week. If she backs out I may have to make some hardball decisions because I deserve a happy life. You don't deserve less either. It is tough but I went to counseling before drinking or other hasty decisions. All you need to do is pick yourself up, dust off yer britches, and start again.

Life won't get better for us kiddo. We will get better at life.

karilynn27 07-19-2012 09:33 PM

I'm so sorry DS.
Very happy to see you right back here posting. After I got sober I came to a point that I had to start treating myself as if I was someone I loved. I think your on the right path with seeing a professional.
Keep posting
:hug:

Jeni26 07-19-2012 09:46 PM

I'm thinking of you lots. This happened to me a few months ago. It is a desperately difficult struggle to maintain sobriety when living with a drinker. I had some serious decisions to make and so do you.
You are still here, still committed to healing yourself. We are all behind you.
Sending you a huge hug and wishing you the strength to push through this.
Lots of love xxx

Praise7 07-19-2012 10:04 PM

You did not fail. stumbled, not failed.

IndaMiricale 07-19-2012 10:10 PM


Originally Posted by Praise7 (Post 3496804)
You did not fail. stumbled, not failed.

Exactly that desert. I am so sorry to hear about how it happened. But make sure you do what you have to for you. And it sounds like you knew that it would break two up, but then thats the sun on the other side of the mountain. But sadly you have to climb that mountain now to get there.

But remember we are here to help guide and hold those ropes as you climb it.

Prayers sent your way,

Good love, Inda

ReadyAndAble 07-19-2012 10:21 PM

Failed? Hardly—we all know what true failure means when it comes to this stuff. Forget the fall; it's the rebound that counts. Glad you're looking after yourself, DS. :)

Elphaba 07-19-2012 10:26 PM

Wow, given what your going through I don't think you've failed. Your strength, determination, and perseverance is admirable.

neferkamichael 07-19-2012 10:49 PM

Your just to strong to stay down desertsong. You have put out an honest effort to stay sober and save your marriage. You'll do the right thing for you and your boys. You are FANTASTIC. :egypt:

Veritas1 07-19-2012 11:41 PM

I am sorry to hear that ds.

choublak 07-19-2012 11:50 PM


Originally Posted by desertsong (Post 3496665)
Four months sober and I caved. I just can't live with my alcoholic husband. It's too hard to live with someone who is still drinking. He hates my being sober, and I can't live with him when I'm sober .... his drinking is repulsive to me. I'm going back to the doctor tomorrow ... looking for help with this ... and I'm probably going to have to kick my husband out of the house. He doesn't like me sober and he doesn't like me drunk either ... it works both ways. He has been a liar and a cheater for the last few months ... I knew my being sober was threatening to him and he did what I figured he'd do. I'm just lost right now. But I think I know what I need to do. Thank you for listening.

No, you didn't. That's not failure. Quite the opposite: you're learning more about yourself and establishing your own boundaries.

Michael66 07-20-2012 12:00 AM

Hi DS,

Sorry to hear of your situation. You've had to be strong, and I'm sure that strength will continue to grow.

You are both in my prayers.

mecanix 07-20-2012 12:26 AM

You may have fallen down a moment but thats no reason to stay down .

You deserve to wake up sober and go to sleep in comfort and peace .

You're stonger than you know, things do get better, stay strong in the trauma of change this is a long and rewarding journey not a sprint .

M

icanwin 07-20-2012 02:28 AM

You live, you learn. I think that you know already what is best for you! I am sure you must know by know. You can make it cause you want to.

:You_Rock_

OklaBH 07-20-2012 02:33 AM

you didnt fail--4 months is a triathalon to an alcoholic. Plus, you are immediatly getting back into recovery and looking for solutions. That is true growth my friend. The doctor is a great idea and I wished more people would see their Dr in recovery.

You have been a huge inspiration to me and Im glad you are here posting. As for your husband ...he must be related to my husband is all I can say.

CaiHong 07-20-2012 02:58 AM

Hi Desertsong,
Sounds like you need a break from each other. if it is possible for your husband to find alternate accommodation would be for the best I think.
I couldn't deal with an abusive relationship if I was trying to get sober, no way and why would I?
Look after yourself and your sobriety the rest will follow.
Love
CaiHong


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