how do I do that?
 

Hi everyone,

I discovered SR a few days ago, looking for some kind of help on the internet. Since then I've been spending a lot of time reading pages and pages, and I find this place very, very reassuring. Thank you all for being here.

I'm 28 and have been drinking quite a lot for the past 8 years
A couple times during the past few years, I quit drinking for a month or so, mostly on holidays, and it was ok, I could handle it. But I was always going back thinking that if I could quit for a month, I was not an alcoholic.
And each time I quit, I felt a disconnection from society, from my friends, and from the people I work with. I am a musician, and I work and tour a lot.

These past two months have been tough. I've been trying not to drink everyday, and consequently, I've been binge drinking even more every time I was going out (can't recall the number of blackouts).
I was aiming at less, and I eventually got more.
Once I start drinking, I can't stop. The first glass is the enemy, so I've read, and learned. If I try to stop and go to bed, I panic, and can't sleep. Often on tour, I'd go out by myself when all the others were gone to bed.

My main problem is how to stop drinking when I'm consistently being offered alcohol. When you're a musician, and especially on tour, alcohol is literally everywhere, from lunch to after party. Alcohol is part of the whole process (after-gig beer, debriefings with a drink, celebrating a good show or forgetting a bad one, business meetings etc.) All my bandmates drink but I don't think any of them has a real problem with alcohol.

I find it extremely hard to make a decision and stick to it since temptations are always surrounding.

I don't know if you have lived a similar situation. I don't know what I expect, but just being able to write all this down is nice, so thank you for reading!

Hi Sentso,

Welcome to SR! I agree just being able to talk and have people relate is so huge! I know how you feel, I tried to control and limit my drinking forever. You are so right that first drink is the beginning of the end. One drink and it was on! I never want just one and sometimes I would do anything to get out of a situation that was winding down so I could drink more alone...or with others...it didn't matter that much to me how. I can also relate to the comment that trying not to drink has you drinking more when you do. For years I was only a weekend drinker but man would I go to town on the weekend. I'd do all my drinking for the week in those two or three days. Keep coming on the site, its really helped me and I know it can truly help you too, if nothing else it's nice to be able to read things people post that you've thought yourself. Good Luck!

Lots of musicians have problems with alcohol or are alcoholic ,
Eric Clapton is the first that jumps to mind , he managed to change , perhaps you can too if you want it enough ?

good luck M

SN> Thanks for this nice message. It's very ironic how you drink more when you try to drink less... it says a lot.

mecanix> It may sound weird, but I feel that as long as there's no real health issues (for the moment, except some pain in my stomach, and lots of sleepless nights, there's nothing), or some kind of spectacular drama involving alcohol, the people around me wouldn't understand why I'd quit.
I kinda have the reputation of the guy who can drink a lot without being in trouble. They'd think I'm overreacting, and at least one of them would tell me to find the right balance instead of quitting.

But also the thing is I wouldn't like to tell them I quit, but what choice do I have? I practically live with them!

In the case of famous musicians like Clapton, they went so deep down that there was probably no choice, it was either quit or die. But I agree that his example is very inspiring.

Welcome Sentso...This was my problem. There was only one solutuion for me. I can't have one more drink. No matter what the hell happens or what is around me. I can't drink. I was introduced to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous in rehab and after reading the book...It said if I took those 12 steps with all the honesty I had...The obsession...(Which I've had all my life)...Would be lifted...I could be around it and it wouldn't bother me. I found someone at a meeting that had done the steps...Asked them to show me how they did it..As laid out in the book...And it worked...After 35 long years of daily drinking...I haven't had a drink in a year...And it doesn't bother me being around it. Forget all the the other wonderful things that have happened in my life as a result of those steps...I don't have to drink today. And I'm very happy about that.

My brother is in bands and he has a year and a half of sobriety, I have 6 months. Alcoholism and addictions run in our family.
I have never been in a band, but I can tell you what my brother did. He stopped playing for 6 months when he got sober. He didn't want to be around it at all. He changed all of his friends and now, 1 1/2 years later, it has all paid off. He is in a great band, plays the Houston music scene, with band members that are basically not drinking, one of them does, but that is ok with him. He goes to bars and plays and then has a great time watching all the drunk people get nasty. He calls me and tells me about them and we just laugh it off, and we are glad we are not there anymore. It is a hard lifestyle being in a band, but it is even harder when you are an alcoholic and you know it. I hope the best for you, but YOU CAN DO IT. This was my brothers way, you can find your way.

I would pray to your Higher Power for the guidance and your next step in life. Get to an AA meeting, or whatever way you want to go, but AA is what worked for me. I was the party girl watching the bands my whole life. I am now sober, I am 42, and God how I wish I would have gotten this when I was 28. You are in the right place. If you can just get your body to follow your mind, you can do wonders with your life. My brothers band is now on the radio, and he is getting paid to do it!

Hi Sentso, you're right - a lot of excellent and sober musicians come to mind, but many of them spent years drinking or using heavily before cleaning up their act.

I can sort of relate; though I'm not a musician by any stretch of the imagination. At one point in my life, I hung out with a fast and high-living crowd, lots of travel, wine tastings, parties - so much of what we did involved drinking and I could keep up with anyone and then some. Even healthy activities - skiing or hiking, eg - was inevitably followed by hitting a bar or restaurant and getting wasted.

During that time, I actually managed to get sober for almost a year (about 17 years ago) and managed to keep all of my friends, too. Including the two people I shared my house with. I did nothing but white-knuckle it and decided I wouldn't be like those preachy, tiresome AA people** so I told people I was just not drinking now, wringing out the ol' liver for a while, like that. I became the designated driver a lot of times but I tell you it wasn't as much fun being the sober one with a bunch of silly drunks!

That said - I didn't give two craps about what most people thought, so it was no big deal to simply say I wasn't drinking, end of story, because I figured I owed nobody an explanation. I did tell close friends I thought I might be an alcoholic and was giving this sober thing a try. I'd nicely tell obnoxiously pushy people to STFU and NO and that was that.

**I am becoming one of those AA people now, because nothing else worked and my drinking patterns continued to get heavier and much more destructive.

"It may sound weird, but I feel that as long as there's no real health issues (for the moment, except some pain in my stomach, and lots of sleepless nights, there's nothing), or some kind of spectacular drama involving alcohol, the people around me wouldn't understand why I'd quit."

You're right , that does sound weird , how much does your health have to suffer or how big a drama do you have to suffer before they would consider your drinking a problem ? What are you willing to risk ? a "little" bit of chirrosis ? high blood pressure / potential stroke ?

Other drunk people are pritty poor judges of whats good for you or not . The only balance i could find after several years of risking my life was complete abstinance .

Although difficult , for me it was a simple decision ,you see i'm an alcoholic , with every drink or temptaion i refuse i am infact choosing to live and have a life , my new sober life means everything to me .

I hope you find what's right for you , good luck . M

I used to have the same reputation, until I started losing it in my mid 40s.

Actually, this is an early symptom of alcoholism. People that can drink a lot of booze with no apparent ill effect are much more likely to become alcoholics. I learned this from the book "Under the Influence", which I highly recommend

Sapling> Maybe it's the solution for me too. It's a little hard to admit though, because I'm only 28, but it's the only solution I can think of, and it's been on my mind for some time now. Anyways, good job!!

soberbrooke> Very interesting. I can't really stop playing since the tour is just starting, but your brother's example is very reassuring.

Maybe I should just stop, without giving precise explanations, except say I don't drink for some time, like Stevie1 wrote, and see from there where I'm going to, and how my friends react.

But when I think of all the gigs we have and all the drinks I'll be offered, and soon it'll also be my birthday, and we'll be on the road... this is gonna be really hard. I dont wanna feel like the one who can't party...

I've thought of AA but I actually don't spend much time in my hometown, so I guess it's not for now.

Thank you all for your answers!

I knew I was an alcoholic at the age of 15...That didn't stop me....I denied that to the age of 53...And I payed dearly for it...Almost with my life. I'd hate to see you go through the pain...The misery...And the destruction...That alcohol brought into my life. It's not worth it...It gets worse...Never better.

Of course, you have a point here.
It's just that some of these guys are way older than me, and have been drinking without apparent complications all their life, and probably far more than I have, and I would be the one who needs to stop? It seems both illogical and unfair. Some of them are even probably alcoholic, but either they wouldn't say it or they wouldn't make a big deal out of it. And I would be the one who does?
It's true they seem happy, and I don't (for the past months).
It's just so complex

Yep, you must be right.
I'll look for this book you're talking about.

Sentso,

I travel all over the USA too, and trust me AA is everywhere. Google is your friend. I am lucky to have AA groups all over the country that I only go to a few times a year. Many of them remember me. I love it.

I understand how hard this must be for you. I know alcohol is everywhere when you are a musician. However, when it comes right down to it, this is YOUR life. You need to stop comparing yourself to everyone else and how they can drink with no apparent side effects. You don't really know what's going on in their body. You need to know what's best for YOU. In the end, you only have yourself. If you band mates can't understand that you want to stop drinking, then they may not be the best people to be around. Simply tell them you are slowing down( or stopping) for awhile. They need no other explanation.

Best of luck to you

dgillz, I'm actually from Europe. And we usually don't have much time on tour, so I don't really see it happening.

But even home I've never been to AA. Still a bit scared I think. And what if I'm recognized? I called AA one night, and was a bit disappointed with the talking, so that more or less serves as an excuse to not go to a meeting... excuses, as usual...

sometimes I think not drinking would actually be the most rock'n'roll thing I could possibly do, because it would mean diving into the unknown, and accepting myself. Ah ah it seems so contradictory.

I'm so willing to quit now because I've been drinking from tuesday to friday, but I know in a couple days it'll only be an idea, and it'll be hard.

You know when I took the plunge?...When the fear of the known was greater than the fear of the unknown.

Thank you. I know that someday on the bus or backstage, I'll come back here and read this thread and it should help me.

Sapling > "When the fear of the known was greater than the fear of the unknown"
I guess I'm not exactly there yet, but I shouldn't wait... It's all about fear in the end. It raises so many personal questions.

AA is in every town and city. Most AA groups have a book that lists all the meetings in North America.

I tell people that I don't drink, that I'm allergic to alcohol. When I drink I break out in handcuffs.

All the best.

Bob R

I agree with Live2Run25, no explanations necessary. Saying that, it is difficult when you're constantly around drinkers. My brother-in-law is a social drinker and he just can't fathom when I say I'm cutting back or quitting altogether. He asks what's wrong with me/what's the matter?? I think to myself "I have a brother-in-law who's a pain in the ass", that's what's the matter and he's the LAST person I owe any explanation too. I say do what you have to do to get by. You may be surprised with the reactions of your friends. They might just say "cool", and leave you alone.

Keep coming back to SR for support! Even if it's just to read, not post. It's what keeps me going. I relapsed the other night after 9 days. Had a few glasses of wine - didn't get drunk or have any kind of hangover but I sure felt a lot of shame. Came here and felt a whole lot better. Good luck!!!

It's true that even just reading SR makes me feel better, and more confident. I've been doing that for the past days, while on tour, drinking and making up my mind. I know how I behaved on the last tour, and I don't wanna do that again.

Then don't...It's all about action.....The thought is right...But it means nothing...Without action.

You don't know me and have no reason to believe me, but I had a best friend who was a touring musician. WAS. She died just a couple years older than you are now from alcoholism. we didn't realize what an issue she had with alcohol. She told me she tried AA but didn't feel it was right for her. Of course, I stupidly agreed with her because I just saw her as the same as always, lone female in a band of guys, and she could drink 'em under the table. Around your age she told me she probably should "cut back" and was concerned what her bandmates would think. She decided she would say she had a blood sugar issue and needed to quit. No one gave her a hard time. But she still was drinking away from the band. A couple years later she called me on the phone and admitted she still drank a lot and thought she'd better go to the dr because she'd felt really ill, she thought from flu. 2 days later I was visiting her in ICU. She died. Organ failure. She'd taken tylenol. We always think nothing will happen to us. Please rethink what youre doing to your body. Being young won't exempt you. Who cares what others think, when it's YOUR life on the line.

Sad and shocking story... made me stop and think for a while. Thank you.

It's true we keep thinking nothing's gonna happen to us. For a long time I thought my body was super resistant, given I could drink and take drugs (I was into opiates in my early 20s) a lot more than my friends without having a problem.
This past year, I've been having stomach pain after serious binge drinking, and if I add the sleep issues and digestion problems, I can tell my body's sending me messages.

Anyways... I bet this thread is gonna be very useful when I'm on tour! I'll keep it open on my Iphone so I can read it anytime I need too.

Hi and welcome :)

I was a professional musician too Sentso - very small time in my hometown but nevertheless my reputation was like yours...I was living the hard drinking hard living rock lifestyle bit to the hilt.

I knew I had a problem for years - but I didn't want to change my life. Other people could drink and not seem to have the worries or problems I did...

so I kept drinking - nothing *too* bad ever happened anyway, right?

but came the time I wasn't so high functioning anymore...I had a rule never to drink before a show...then it was never to drink too much...just one to settle nerves....

Eventually, I began to play drunk, I missed sets, I missed shows...but still I kept drinking.

I lost my career....and still I kept on drinking.

Eventually I drank all day every day - I nearly died from not wanting to change my life.

I did what soberbrooke's brother did - I got away from my old drinking buddies for a while and rebuilt my life...then I rebuilt my career.

That might not be possible for you - but like others have said there are other avenues of support - AA being a very accessible one

I look back now and there were people, successful musicians, I knew who didn't drink...
it's not like there weren't role models.

I look back now and I wonder why I privileged the lifestyle over the music.

I wonder why what my friends thought was so important to me, when I knew full well I had a problem.

Maybe I was scared of being different, maybe I was a bit too proud, maybe I just unwilling to give up drinking, and rationalising about it.

I'm retired now but I know I was a way better musician in recovery :)

I'm glad to see you're thinking about all this now - you'll find a lot of support here Sentso :)

D

So far abusing alcohol never was a problem in my professional life, because it's ok to drink after a gig (ah ah the stupid rules we try to have before playing: a couple beer should be ok, maybe a 3rd one, but not more. Does wine with dinner count?), and it's ok to be hungover the day after, when you just have a bunch of interviews to do before the soundcheck (at the end of which you'll get your first beer, which doesn't count because it's still a few hours away from the concert...)

And it's true on tour you have a lot of time to kill, all the travelling time. Sometimes I'd just think it was be a good idea to get wasted since we had a 4-5hour drive in the morning (and I'm usually not the driver). A hangover to pass the time.

But then you think of all the things you could have done. When I don't drink, I actually listen to some music, or even read books! You never read when you drink (Someone said that here, but I don't remember the thread. It was so obviously true it was kind of a shock... and I love reading!)

Also a few years ago I thought I had some great musical ideas when I was drinking (and taking opiates), but if I look back, all my best ideas came to me when I was sober and relaxed.

Music should be a spiritual journey, not a lifestyle.

But then again Sapling is right, ideas and words are nothing compared to actual actions. In my mind it's all so clear. But it's day 2.

Welcome...:wavey:

I certainly hope you will find your way ...AA works great for me.

Good luck Sentso with day 3 and 4 etc etc... I'm 28 too, sober since March, has been a beautiful and clear time. I've only ever dated musicians, who toured for most of the year, with a tour bus full of spirits, generous riders, beers before shows, drinks afterward and 'mixologist' parties any other time. I'm a writer, so it was easy to hide my own recklessness with alcohol in that scene, where there is no trouble with running into a schedule with drinking i.e - no 9-5 job requirements, etc. For me I had to quit the muso boyfriends with the wine - the two went hand in hand. As for creativity and drinking, as a separate temptation/association with/for drinking - a book called 'The Thirsty Muse' has been invaluable - drinking really was the cause of creative blockages in so many great artists - rather than the kindling for any great works... It may inspire you to sobriety in the creative environment (since you mentioned you like reading). As for touring - my ex is in a band now where the members have exercise 'circles' on tour - in whichever town they are in - they find a local park - have pushup sessions, tag-team stair running, short sprints, yoga, etc. A skipping rope is also a great idea for the tour bus luggage... I think bringing positive influences like health and exercise into your band family can really bring guys together, having a mutual goal to stay healthy on the road I think is a powerful motivation for keeping your drinking under wraps - or quitting completely - its also a reason you don't have to over-explain to the curious. I've taken up running 12-15km a day and strength training for another hour a day since becoming sober - the idea of drinking and not being able to get up in the morning for a solid run has become a huge part of easily quitting (without AA). Anyway, just some late night rambling... time for bed - I gotta lace up in the am. Bon nuit and bon chance! (Good night and Good luck)

Thank you Carol!

workingknee > I will definitely check out The Thirsty Muse, it looks very interesting, and a great idea to have it with me on tour...
As for the physical exercises, they don't seem very likely but at least one of the guys would be motivated enough to maybe go running or something. I'll think about that.
Anyways, thanks for this great post that gives me new ideas!

I have to admit I would never have expected to read so many interesting messages, from people who can completely relate to my situation. It's very comforting.

Bonne nuit et bonne chance!

Couldn't fall asleep last night, slept maybe 3 or 4 hours, waking up a lot... I'm used to it though, and I went running for 45' this morning instead of doing nothing. It gave me energy, and it feels really good.
Thanks to all the people here talking about running or doing any physical activity, it gave me motivation.

So just wanted to let you know that I'm on the tourbus (it's almost 2am here) with all the guys drinking and smoking, and I'm drinking water. No beer before the show (it was great), no beer after, feeling weirdly alright though I must say I won't stay long with them tonight.
Running definitely helps me a lot. Gives me mental strength. Helps me focus. I know better who I am or who I wanna be. Thanks a lot workingknee.
So first night sober on a tourbus. Wow. Didn't think I could make it.
Maybe I can even go running tomorrow morning before lunch. Ah ah if my old self could see me he would not believe it!
Good night everyone, keep the faith