I don't understand
 

this is what my beautiful wife said to me when I drank for the fourth night straight last night. She wasn't mad. She just stared at the bottles like one might stare at a ghost. And she really doesn't understand. I think that is how I know that I am so very different from others. There is nothing I can do to make her understand. Even well educated (in alcoholism) normal drinkers will never be able to understand the powerful influence we are under. much like being under a spell. This is one of the many realizations that I am using to keep nudging myself to the correct side of the fence. I am proud of trying. I will keep trying. I will not let slip ups derail me or get me down. today I ran 5 miles, mowed the lawn. Also, if all the iced tea I drank today had alcohol in it I would be dead. hey, at least maybe it killed off a tumor. Off to bed. I love sober sleep. so many dreams to be had. Good night everyone. Stay strong.

Wonder

I know exactly what you mean.....my brother was an alcoholic and drug user and I never understood why he couldn't just stop. It wasn't until a couple of years after his death that I developed my own problem. Now I understand.

It does sometimes feel like a spell or a curse, but we hold the power to unlock its grip on us. We have the key, we just need to find it and use it. In my unmanageable life, I spend have my time looking for my car keys, much less the keys to the kingdom!

i am willing to bet you are no different than me or millions of other alcoholics who have recovered from the seemingly hopeless state of mind that made us drink.

Never were truer words said tomsteve. :)

It can be done. Its work, but worth every minute.

I've found it impossible to explain to the normies. That's why I value SR so very much.

You'll get it right, Wonder. We have faith in you. :)

Yes, I think we all find that it's so helpful to come here, where others understand what we're going through.

Many, many alkies only drink at night. You aren't alone. Do you have plans to stop and to stay stopped?

I never understood my dad's drinking growing up. I remember he would come home from a long day in the office and say he "earned" it. I always thought what a ****** reward for a hard days work. Now, I get it. Apple definitely doesn't fall far from the tree.