Another crash and burn
 

Started up drinking again. Truth be told I first enjoyed it after this time off but I dont enjoy knowing I gotta start sobriety again sometime in the future. It just gets tougher and tougher on the mind for me. I didnt even get drunk like back in the day but still I feel bad about the few I had which took away the enjoyment. Looks like all my plans have failed so far. Day 1 coming right up!.....

Sorry to hear that Fallow....What plans have you tried? It might be time for something different.

It's true what they say...a little bit of recovery can really ruin your buzz....

I'm glad you're back Fallow :)

D

Feel like Ive tried em all. Obviously not hard enough haha. Well soon enough Ill probably get it. Or maybe Ill keep getting 2-3 months then having a few then start again. Who knows.

I hope you don't stay in that cycle Fallow. There's no reason you have to. It's probably not the few that took away your enjoyment that were the problem though. I have no doubt in my mind that if I started drinking again that I would be able to moderate it and enjoy drinking for a decent amount of time. It will never stay that way for long though so I choose not to pick up that first drink.

I don't know this for myself but I've heard it gets tougher and tougher physically too :(

I hope you pick yourself up again x

Yeah you are totally right! Its probably not the few. Thing is Ive always picked myself back up but I know thats not a forever solution.

And a little recovery certainly ruins your buzz.

If you want recovery you can get Fallow - it means going a little out of your comfort zone tho.

What precisely are you prepared to do to stay sober?

D

I don't know Fallow....If that's as bad as you want it...That's probably the results you're going to get.

Hi Fallow

As long ay you keep making changes in your thinking and behavior in such a way that gets you closer to your goal of living free of alcohol....you will win over alcohol.

Thanks guys. You know I feel like Im so close to sobriety mentally that Im almost sure Id have done it this time. I guess I let my emotions get the best of me. I just found out my father is sick with cancer recently about 2 weeks ago. Thought I was handling it well..then some extra stress at work coupled with an upcoming long weekend and I caved. Went to the store got a half pint of remy vsop and a sixer of microbrews. I drank 3 beers and a half of the half pint while listening to some music late at night and alone. Woke up today no hangover actually feel great, I know my problems will always be here for me but other than guilt it was nice to dissolve them for awhile. I know I gotta get back on the sobriety train soon but not today..I dont know what my plan looks like yet.

You'll know when you're ready...I hope you don't have to take the beating I did to get there. I wish you the best Fallow...My prayers are with you and your dad.

We'll be here when you're ready Fallow. I'm sorry about your dad -- something like that would push me pretty close to the edge, too. But you already know that drinking over something doesn't make it go away.

I'm sorry for your Dad too Fallow.
Trying to drink your fears away is understandable...only...it doesn't work...you have to keep re-applying the alcohol....and we both know where that leads.

It won't stay 'OK'.

Be there for your Dad Fallow.

D

Oh, I can identify with drinking for oblivion alone.

Drinking when it was all too much.

I feel now that it was so selfish of me.

I learned though that I also have this compulsion to drink alcohol to change the way I feel.

What would be a healthier way to change the way you feel Fallow?

What would be a choice that would not harm you and others?

I am sorry to read of your return to drinking because I know how you tried and so I just hope you resume your efforts to solve this problem...to take the steps to improve your chances at long term sobriety.

Me too...it totally sucks. I had 40+ days and threw it in the trash....drank this night & it wasn't even fun...that is how this is all so f'd up! It is so stupid that I chased my drunk all night.....that I haven't found yet.

Alcohol....you suck!