Here I go again....
 

Some of you might know my story.


The local rehab is full. It's in a small town but I don't want to go to rehab in KC for some simple reasons.

I've been drinking more than ever since I'm unemployed again. Today I really tried to look at my life and realize what I've become. I've come to realize I'm a total failure!

I've let so many down that I love. Overall I'm a 24 year old drunk living at home with no life ahead of me if things don't change. My brother has a good job and just bought a new car.

My mom is a damn mess and always wondering if I'm still kicking when she checks on me in a drunkin stooper, I've passed out in my truck, backyard, kitchen, front yard to name a few.

I feel like the only time I come to this forum is to B**** but I'm realizing I need some damn help. I was recently guided by someone who lined me up with some AA meetings but I took the easy way out and never went.

My mom understands my addiction and it runs in the family but she also gets I can't get help if I don't want it.

I'm really starting to feel like somebody needs to snatch my arse up and put me on the right path.

Rehab's not going to do much for you Tony if you don't follow it up with something...Have you made an honest attempt at AA since your last visit?

I think it's time to go to work !
As Dee would say have you got a plan?
Forget your brothers car your not sober enough to drive it yet .
Turn your life around its not impossible and have a long and industrious life.
You'll get more out of life sober so much more.
I mean that and I was drinking for 30 years and my life has improved so much for the greater.
Go prove to yourself by the day that you are in control.
Good luck.
John

Hi Tony...

I hear in your post the desparation that I felt 9 months ago, when I finally stopped drinking. It wasn't the first attempt, but it was the second major attempt in a year. I had started in March and made it a month before relapsing. But with an honest assessment of who I had become, I reached a conclusion similar to yours. It's not an easy thing to look in the mirror and have that be your conclusion. You've got my prayers.

So why not just stop the madness? There is a book that can help you. AA's big book. If you don't think you are ready for meetings, at least read the first 158 pages of the book. You will learn a lot about alcoholism, and yourself. You can get the book at an AA meeting, or from Amazon, or you can download it for a dollar. It's worth it.

The other thing you may want to do is to make a plan to overcome your cravings, urges, and temptations; your "weak" spots, if you will, particularly over the next 30, 60, 90 days. Those days are the hardest, but if you'll trust what you read here and in the big book, you'll see stark changes in your life.

Finally, for me, my faith in God has been helpful. God is ever powerful and can relieve you of your problems if you seek His guidance, strength, counsel and wisdom.

And keep posting here. This site has made a huge difference in my daily sobriety, as a respite from the stressors and temptors of my day. I still check in daily, even with 9 months sobriety (this Saturday).

You can do this, friend. And you are not alone.

You can get that book right here for nothing....See if you can relate to it.

Congrats on 9 Months Lofty..I'm working towards 11. One beautiful day at a time.

Hi Tony

if you want your life to change- you need to make changes, man....real changes.
It comes down to that every single time.

If I could do it, I know you can :)

D

That somebody is you, Tony.

You know what you need to do, and it starts with not picking up the next drink.

Ever.

yer not a failure. yer a sick man. if you want more than anything to get sober, do it for you and you alone, and are willing to do whatever it takes, then you will find a way.
i highly suggest following the link sapling posted and read,read,read. AA has worked for this useless,worthless, suicidal drunk.

Carl said it best. YOU are the only 'somebody' that can solve your problems.

Tony88, while it will not happen quickly, your life will get better if you stop drinking. You will feel better physically and think more clearly. Other good things will follow, but you must not drink. By drinking you are your own worst enemy.

I don't know about AA but one of the great sayings from Al-Anon is:

.

If AA doesn't seem like your thing. Hop over to the secular forum, there are threads about AVRT which you may be able to relate too,

Best wishes.

A while ago due to certain circumstances i got dependant on alcohol. Well, i started binging at weekends. I realised it had to stop, so i did. Ive been doing fine and still able to enjoy a sociable drink and know when to stop. However on wednesday celebrating a friends birthday the girls and i went ott. We were all drunk. However, thats not my issue here. Next day my husband gets up for work and my wee boy tries to waken me. My head was so sore i could barely lift it. I remember him sayin he was hungry but i kept dozing on and off. He must have played by himself for 2 hours before i finally came round (not before snapping the face off him for bothering me). I got up and said sorry and all was fine......but not inside me its not. The guilt is eating me up. Please dont think this is a regular thing. Infact i dont think thats ever happened, but i feel so guilty i feel lie i neglected my child cause of a hyangover then shouted at him for bothering me to get up. I just want to know im not alone and other mums have made this mistake. I maybe have came to the wrong place as im not an alcoholic (no its not denial) i was just looking to find a mum who had made a stupid error like that over drink. Sorry but i didnt know where else to go xx p.s. AA is not my thing, i believe in sobriety for life for some,just not for myself. I just didnt know where else to go x karla

Hi kkarla and welcome to sober recovery.

You may want to start your own thread in this forum so that others can see it and offer their experience, strength and hope.

There is lots of good information all over this site so feel free to take advantage of it.

Your friend,

Karla,

You are not in the wrong place. You are here for a reason, the same way I am here for a reason. We all have made mistakes and have done things to hurt those who we love and who love us. Your son will forgive you.

When I was in my 20's I was drinking a little bit, but never really liked the taste,so was a social drinker. I didn't drink everyday. At my best friend's wedding rehersal had some red wine that was being served and I blackout. I don't even remember driving home. It was a miracle I didn't kill myself or another. A good friend of my dad's, Ken, who my dad had stood by and supported was in AA. When he heard I had blackout after drinking some red wine, he got me the big book and I started going to aa meetings with him. They said I wan't an alcholic yet, but one drink away from being one. That I had a choice to keep drinking and continue down a path that would continue my having a blackout everytime I drank. One doesn't have to drink everyday to have a problem. I was just a social drinker but once I started drinking I wanted more and more and more. Then add getting a blackout, I was scared. I know that I am one step away and must choose to stay sober.

It is in my genes. Some of us are prone to addictions. My cousain Danny stopped for a few beers after work and killed a woman who was walking down the road, and he has paid the price for that everyday. AA has helped him stay clean and sober for many years now. He can't take away the fact that when he drank he got blackouts too. I worry about my nephew as it is in his genes too, as his dad suffered from this disease. I don't know why some people can drink alot and nothing happens to them and why in my family after just a few we blackout? I know my dad couldn't touch booze either.

Do you have AA near you or someone who knows about this to talk to? The Big book really helped me alot. This forum has been a treasure chest for me and I know will be for you. I wish you the best.

Love and Blessings
Chrisy

This is what i dont understand.....i know many many people, who go on nights out and cant remember what happened. They just laugh it off. Nobody calls them alcoholics. I went to AA and left feeling worse. I feel like they almost convince you that you have a problem and if you say your ok, you are "in denial"......thing is, my other half halrdly ever drinks. Works hard, keeps fit...so when he does, he cant handle it. And ends up not remembring his night. Does that make him an alcoholic?? Its so hard to define what an alcoholic is when we are surrounded by people who tick more than the fair share of alcoholic boxes,yet live long and happy lives???xx

Tony, I am glad to hear from you, but sorry that not much has changed. I had thought you'd taken up your mother's generous offer and had gone into rehab, though I do recall you had many reservations about taking her money etc.

Waiting for the perfect time and place to get clean etc, is risky business. we can always find a reason or two or six hundred why we just can't do it now, shouldn't accept this offer, etc etc.

It is true that in the end it's on us. We either want it and do it or....

I've heard you say "it's definitely time" many times over..if it is, then? People stop drinking, many of us without rehab. Rehab may help you very much, but you don't have to wait on it...or you can go to one that's neither in your town OR KC...it's a big world.

As always, you have my full love and support.

I don't think they try to convince you that you're an alcoholic.....Only you can make that decision...I will say if you weren't there because you were court ordered...Not many people go to meetings because alcohol wasn't causing problems for them....You don't see many people walk through the doors of AA for the first time because life is wonderful.

I wasnt court ordered. Life was crap. And i was binge drinking when my son went to his dads. My binges cause alot of hassle and mum said she thought i should give it a go.....so i did, but i didnt feel at all like everyone else. I went for my mums sake, but didnt last, and i knocked the binge drinking on the head on my own. Havent binged for nearly a year. Ive drank, but not binged or caused any hassle. I went out of curiosity too. But i honestly kept getting told i was in denial when i said i didnt think i was an alcoholic.....just because of what happened with my hangover the other day im thinking, ****...what if???xx:c020:

I believe that there is a reason why you are here.

After I had my blackout after drinking a few glasses of red wine and don't even remember driving home, a friend of my dad took me to AA and gave me the big book. I never felt the whole couple of months I went that I was told I was in denial. I found people who understood how scared I was because I was behind the wheel of a car and driving in a blackout. I really wanted to know if I had a problem. They told me that I was one drink away and that I had the choice to stop or continue to social drink with my friends and continue on a path that I don't want to be on. My cousain Danny many years ago when he was a young man stopped for beers on the way home and killed a woman who had children walking down the street. AA has kept him sober. He has to live with that for the rest of his life. Some of us have genes that make us people that can't touch booze. Only you know if you have a problem.

Only God knows why some people can drink and never have a problem, and others drink a couple of glasses of wine and blackout. You have to want it for yourself. Maybe you have reached that place where you are scared enough to really look into if you have a problem are not. All I can do is to encourage you to stay around and read and talk to the people here. There is no judgment here. There is no judgment in AA, but only people who are concerned about you.

Love and Blessings
Chrisy

Thanks for the reply.

I didn't take my moms offer up although I'm sure it still stands. We've kinda had some other recent issues thrown at us lately, not because of my drinking for the record.

I'll say this, I've concluded that I'm my own worst enemy. I'd like to get sober but I can't imagine not having this golden liquid in my life and I've said that before.

Rehab is about 12K if I'm not mistaken. I've got good insurance but I know it wont cover it all, I'm worried how much would come out of moms pocket. I know I know it shouldn't be about money but more about me getting straight.

I'd just hate to fail her after dropping alot of coin. I bang myself up so much over this fiasco trying to figure out what to do. Like I said I feel like my own worst enemy.

As for the rest of the folks that responed, thanks! I'm jobless because of my drinking and money is getting low because I'm burning it in beer and smokes. I need to figure something out soon.

I was jobless and low on money too Tony...It didn't stop me from drinking. You mentioned....

I feel like the only time I come to this forum is to B**** but I'm realizing I need some damn help. I was recently guided by someone who lined me up with some AA meetings but I took the easy way out and never went.

I think if there was an easy way out...This alcoholic would have gone for it. I couldn't find one. But I had to stop...And I wanted to stop. I was willing to go to any lengths...And I did. When you've had enough...Maybe you'll try it. You also mention...

I'll say this, I've concluded that I'm my own worst enemy. I'd like to get sober but I can't imagine not having this golden liquid in my life and I've said that before.

Maybe you just need to get to the point....Where you can't imagine life with alcohol in it anymore...You can't live like that anymore. That's where I got...That gave me a real kick in the willingness department...I was ready to try anything. Maybe you should try AVRT....I don't kinow much about it.....But there are some people here that do. Maybe that's an easier way to do it. I don't know. All I know is I had to stop for good...Change my life completely and I did. Good luck to you Tony. I hope you get it this time.

Tony,

You wrote this. . .

"I'll say this, I've concluded that I'm my own worst enemy."

It made me think of Dee's signature line:

"Looking back, you realize that a very special person passed briefly through your life, and that person was you. It is not too late to become that person again." ~Robert Brault

Tony, you have the power to turn this around. You can have a different relationship with yourself. You can become friends with everything that is great about you. You don't have to been your own worst enemy.

Blessings to you.

You remind me a bit of myself the last few months of my drinking. I'd drink and think...... think about getting sober, think about what would happen if I kept drinking, think about how the state of my life..... think, think, think, and it kept me in my own little prison.

I'd say forget the thinking and jump in with both feet - go to treatment as soon as they have room for you.

(Which is an insane thought, considering what it does to us, right?)

It's true that you can't imagine being sober because the addiction is in charge and you have to get sober before you can know what it's like. I thought I couldn't live without alcohol either, but after reading what people here were saying, I decided there was a chance I might be wrong. I was, and I'm glad for it. So.... at least consider the possibility you could be wrong too and then give yourself a chance to find out!:ghug3

Hi Tony88

You should give AA meetings a chance. I went to only two meetings years ago and thought it wasn't for me. Now I'm going to try again but not give up so quickly. I have some acquaintances who go religiously and haven't drank in 20+ years. They say it's the main reason they haven't started again. I know it's hard to go the first time but you'll be glad you did.

An remember, do it for yourself - not your mother, brother... for YOURSELF!!

I know I need to give AA a shot. Just have a fear of it for some reason couldn't tell you why.

It would be a real shame to let fear hold you back from something that could save your life. I can promise you nobody will hurt you when you get there...And you can leave whenever you want. If you don't like it. I like it.

[QUOTE="Like I said I feel like my own worst enemy"

Hmmmnn... How about this... How would you feel if you became your own best friend instead? How would you treat yourself then?