I'm scared because I don't think I have hit rock bottom yet.
 

Today is day 3 sober. Last night I went to my first AA meeting ever and it was an interesting experience. I didn't talk but many others did. They told me their stories and I could relate to them, but it seems that everyone hit a real low in order for them to wake up and get sober. They had lost everything, and I can see if I continued with the drinking how that could be me. But..... I haven't got to that point yet and I'm scared that I might have to in order to stop drinking forever. Right now I am kidding myself that one day I can be a responsible drinker again. It seems that my reasons for drinking are invalid compared to other peoples stories. I didn't start drinking a bottle of wine a day because everything around me was crashing down, I drank because my life seemed to be too good to be true. I have a husband who loves me, we live a very comfortable life financially, I can basically have anthing I want. But yet my drinking got out of hand. How do you explain that?

You're an alcoholic...Want to watch it all come crashing down?....Keep drinking...

Hello and welcome, Holly7. I'm in a similar situation. I have it pretty good but my drinking has gotten out of control. For me, i am going to start bringing my body to AA meetings and listening to everyone's experiences to remind myself of what could happen. Just becausebi haven't hit rock bottom doesn't mean i have to to get sober.

Here is a better idea...Try and go to a meeting where they are talking about getting better...The Solution..The 12 steps..How IT Works...I have my own war stories..I don't need to hear anybody else's...

If either of you want to hear how bad it can get...I covered the bases...I'll be glad to tell you...

You do not need to hit 'rock bottom' in order to quit drinking. The only true 'rock bottom' is six feet under, where the rocks are under the dirt.

Yeah, and last night's meeting was definitely a wake up call, but all today i keep pestering myself about why my drinking got to this point in the first place. I know where I could end up if I continue. I just confused as to why I started drinking like this in the first place when nothing really tragic happened to me when I first started drinking.

Maybe just look at how drink affects you. I don't think comparing ourselves to others is useful, other than to convince ourselves that we aren't that bad so let's have a drink. I don't even think about WHY I drank(other than because I loved the effect it had on me)-I just concentrate on the fact that it leads to bad things/out of control behaviour. If I don't drink these things don't happe

Think about what hasn't happened YET

- you've not abused your husband yet
- he hasn't got so fed up of your drinking and resultant behaviour yet
- he hasn't left you because of your drinking yet
- you haven't messed up your career because of your drinking yet
- you haven't neglected your children yet and had social services/welfare intervene in their lives yet

I've done some of the above/had others happen and no doubt would have done others if I'd continued drinking. If I stop drinking they won't happen

Wow. This really helps. I guess i hadn't thought of it like that. I guess I'm trying to find someone with a similar story to mine to see if they can enlighten me on why I have my problem just so I don'[t feel so alone.

Holly...Nothing happened to me when I started drinking either...I loved it...Then I crossed that line where it wasn't fun anymore..I couldn't control it...And I couldn't go back to when it was fun..Get out while your life is good and you still have a husband...I wasn't so lucky...I lost everything.

Holly7, I can't figure out why I used alcohol to self medicate either, or why I can't stop until the wine bottle was empty. I'm far from rock bottom but alcohol was taking away my time and memory and affecting my health so it was time to quit. I wouldn't drink poison and wine is poison for me. I think as some more time goes by, the reason to quit will become more apparent.

Thank you. I guess I should just leave the "Whys" until a later date and just deal with getting through today.

hi Holly, i'm feeling exactly the same as you at the moment, same questions and i just can't get my head around all of this :( x

Hi Holly

I've just re-read my reply. I didn't meant to upset you or be harsh-just saying what I thought about my own situation and how things can end up. I'm late 30s with a good life and have drunk for years, college, University, then work related stuff to the point it was just normal. But it creeps up slowly to the point it is necessary and the side effects/consequences are serious. Not really bad, as you say, but that was mainly good luck and fortune rather than any good judgment on my part. Recently, 20 years after I started drinking, I looked in the mirror and can see the toll it has taken. I do not want my husband looking at me and thinking how on earth did I end up with this fat, ugly, bloated woman who smells of and is dependent on wine? (he hadn't said that YET) 2 months later I've lost 20 pounds, look fitter and healthier than I have in years and despite a couple of lapses intend to continue a drink free life.

Yeah its all very confusing, but I was just reminded that I probably won't figure it out for a long time so I just need to accept that I'm not going to get the answer to that today and focus on not drinking today. How many days do you have now without alcohol? I'm on day 3.

Hi Holly. I am over four months sober and I felt a lot like you. I hadn't lost a job or a relationship or a house or my freedom (jail) because of alcohol. But there were a lot of close calls and honestly I didn't GAIN a lot because of alcohol. I knew my life could be so much better if I could just get rid of my dependence on alcohol. My bottom was emotional more than external circumstances-- alcohol robbed me of self-esteem, confidence, happiness-- I was depressed and felt like life was purposeless. Now without alcohol I feel so much happier and healtier (I still sometimes want to drink but the thought of how unhappy I used to be compared to how happy I am now keeps me from doing it). Everyone's bottom is different. But for sure if you continue drinking your bottom will get lower and lower and lower. Alcoholism is like an elevator going down, down, down-- you can get off at any time, but you can never start going back up again (or even stop where you're at) while you're still drinking. So I advise trying to be grateful for what you HAVEN'T lost (yet), and remember that those people sharing their stories are helping you a lot but showing you what could happen to you if you don't stop before it's too late!! Best wishes to you.

Your message didnt make me upset. Congrats on the weight loss and being drink free. I am planning on getting my body back into shape too. After a year and a half of abusing my body I want to start taking care of myself again.

'...it seems that everyone hit a real low in order for them to wake up and get sober.'

In upper class AA groups you'd likely feel less fortunate than those members. Our bank balance doesn't alter our problem or our solution.

'They had lost everything, and I can see if I continued with the drinking how that could be me.'

If you listened there were points in their stories at which they hadn't lost everything and were feeling pretty lucky in life and were doing peachy. I see you haven't lost everything and are feeling pretty lucky in life and are doing peachy.

'I'm scared that I might have to in order to stop drinking forever.'

Yeah maybe, maybe not. Depends how sharp you are.

'Right now I am kidding myself that one day I can be a responsible drinker again.'

No you can't. You stand no more chance than the people writing all the 'OMG, I was so surprised my drinking got out of hand again' posts in the newcomer section. You could stay stopped or you could be very surprised too. Or pretend to be, since I just told you how it eventually goes, always.

'It seems that my reasons for drinking are invalid compared to other peoples stories. I drank because my life seemed to be too good to be true.'

People will put spins on the reasons why they continue to make themselves sick but the spins are false and wonderful examples of self-dishonesty. Alcoholics drink for one reason, not more for more than one.

Good you're learning, keep that up as there's lots to find out about in order to not wind up with a tainted and torn life.

For me Holly - a bottoms not an event - it's a decision - it's that point where you simply can't live your life that way one moment longer.

Sounds to me like you might already be there :)

I was stupid and stubborn and kept trying to make my crazy life work, year after year and getting deeper and deeper and deeper in a hole....but it doesn't need to be that way :)

D

Hi Holly and welcome, glad you're here! I didn't hit a bottom. I had a really good life, a loving and supportive husband and a lucrative career. (Unlike you,though, I started drinking when I was young to numb the pain of an abusive childhood) But as I got older and sloooooowly but surely built a safer life for myself, I came to wonder why I couldn't just stop drinking. I had all I wanted, I was living my dream, why couldn't I just put down the glass?
I decided to ignore the mental health aspects at the beginning, and just stop drinking. After 2 weeks of white-knuckling it I checked out my first AA meeting. I felt ready then (and excited, actually) to begin looking inside myself to learn about my long-time frenemy alcohol. Now I see that my "really good" life was ok, but that sober life, really living life, is beyond-words-unbelievably-awesome.
I don't think you have to "hit a bottom." You can stop digging anytime.

rock bottom is nothing more than when you stop digging. we can stop digging at any time.

If you haven't yet had anything terrible happen to you, consider yourself lucky. However, if you're still thinking you might be able to drink again at some point, you will find it very difficult to stop drinking.

Alcoholism is a terrible and progressive disease and it will get worse if you don't stop drinking.

I came very close to losing my family and my life. Thankfully, I was given a chance to get it right, and I have.

What would be your rock bottom? I mean, you don't actually want to find that, do you?
I've had a few experiences that made me think, WOW, I can't believe I let myself get that bad. One time was when I couldn't find my car at the airport b/c I was drunk when I parked it 2 days earlier. I was embarrassed to ask for help from security. Another was when I left my cat outside all night in the cold even though he snuck out ALL the time. But I should have noticed. Drinking at work. Countless numbers of embarrassing moments that should have easily been avoided.
You don't have to kill someone with your car, you don't have to lose your job/husband/kids/etc before you hit YOUR rock bottom.

Rock bottom means different things to different people.

My 'rock bottom' was, as Dee said, a decision that I couldn't go on the way I was doing. I stopped digging a deeper hole and got out of the one I'd already dug. My life is infinately better now that I'm sober.:)

Here's another way to look at this. Stop drinking for 90 days. If, after 90 days, you feel comfortable in your own skin and life is still wonderful, then alcohol was the problem. Don't drink alcohol and your happy life will continue!

If, after 90 days, you aren't comfortable in your own skin and life isn't so beautiful, go back to AA meetings and ask for help. Alcohol had been your solution and you are the problem. There is a new solution in the steps of AA.

If you find yourself consumed with thoughts of what you will drink on day 91, get to meetings now and listen, someone will share your story.

I wish you well!

And on another note, rock bottom can be when something is bothering you and you want to drink, but you know it isn't really going to help, not drinking isn't working either.

You are then between a rock and a hard place. Again, AA has the solution in the 12 steps.
Drinking or not drinking, life is horrible (or even an emotional "bottom" inside of you).

Losing things isn't rock bottom. It's an inside job!

I hadn't hit rock bottom yet either, I didn't want to. I got sober because I'm more scared of hitting rock bottom, than I am of never drinking again.

I've posted this before, but the Buddha's teaching of the poisoned arrow always comes to mind when the "why?" questions come up. Here it it for those not familiar:

Holly...yank out the arrow and enjoy your life fully present :)

I remember a member here posting that after years of unsuccessfully getting a grip on her addiction, she was wondering if she just hadn't hit bottom yet.

She described her descent as being the equivalent of falling from the top of a mighty tree, and as she fell, her body would twist and bounce off the branches she encountered, as if they slowed her down at the cost of incredible pain. She wondered how many more branches were still below her to catch her before she plummeted to the ground, and if, in fact, she had to go "splat" on the ground to do anything about her situation. I remember thinking I hope you survive the impact.

I have no answer to that question, but I remember thinking, "Grab a branch and stop the slide". I wonder how true it is that when you smack that first branch, is the pain endurable and you just decide to keep sliding, or does your natural inclination tell you grab that branch to stop the pain, and then climb down without having mangled body and bones.

I suppose your post brings up the reason why I hate war stories and drunkologues - some people hear them quite literally and focus on the "Oh, I'm not that bad yet" and at times question their own problems because they do a side-by-side comparison. For me, it just kept me shifting my line in the sand which delineated my self-created boundary into full-fledged, physical addiction and all the lovely mind games that ensue over and above the physical addiction.

When you hear a story, try to imagine how that person FELT at the time of the incident. I know myself; I often use humor or anger to deflect pain, so while I'm smiling on the outside, there's probably some pain underneath it.

I also am fond of the "I have not done that YET" way of thinking, because my own experience tells me that not only can I cross the line, I inevitably will - albeit in my own style.

I still think, however, that the solution to all of these problems lies in what we do with Today that helps us make the change needed.

As many have stated...rock bottom is different for everyone. Rock bottom for me was struggling out of bed and looking in the mirror and seeing a dying 41 year old who had run the course. I tried quitting 100's of times for different reasons....always falling back into the I have a great job and home...I have a great life....I cant be an alcoholic mentality. Guess what....It only got worse over the years and seeing myself as a dying drunk always looking forward to my next drink did it for me. I pray that you can find your path and start living life. That was the biggest difference for me. I am living now instead of surviving. If you came here...you know better than anyone that there is a better way.
Peace
Dave