I'm scared because I don't think I have hit rock bottom yet.
 

Today is day 3 sober. Last night I went to my first AA meeting ever and it was an interesting experience. I didn't talk but many others did. They told me their stories and I could relate to them, but it seems that everyone hit a real low in order for them to wake up and get sober. They had lost everything, and I can see if I continued with the drinking how that could be me. But..... I haven't got to that point yet and I'm scared that I might have to in order to stop drinking forever. Right now I am kidding myself that one day I can be a responsible drinker again. It seems that my reasons for drinking are invalid compared to other peoples stories. I didn't start drinking a bottle of wine a day because everything around me was crashing down, I drank because my life seemed to be too good to be true. I have a husband who loves me, we live a very comfortable life financially, I can basically have anthing I want. But yet my drinking got out of hand. How do you explain that?

You're an alcoholic...Want to watch it all come crashing down?....Keep drinking...

Hello and welcome, Holly7. I'm in a similar situation. I have it pretty good but my drinking has gotten out of control. For me, i am going to start bringing my body to AA meetings and listening to everyone's experiences to remind myself of what could happen. Just becausebi haven't hit rock bottom doesn't mean i have to to get sober.

Here is a better idea...Try and go to a meeting where they are talking about getting better...The Solution..The 12 steps..How IT Works...I have my own war stories..I don't need to hear anybody else's...

If either of you want to hear how bad it can get...I covered the bases...I'll be glad to tell you...

You do not need to hit 'rock bottom' in order to quit drinking. The only true 'rock bottom' is six feet under, where the rocks are under the dirt.

Yeah, and last night's meeting was definitely a wake up call, but all today i keep pestering myself about why my drinking got to this point in the first place. I know where I could end up if I continue. I just confused as to why I started drinking like this in the first place when nothing really tragic happened to me when I first started drinking.

Maybe just look at how drink affects you. I don't think comparing ourselves to others is useful, other than to convince ourselves that we aren't that bad so let's have a drink. I don't even think about WHY I drank(other than because I loved the effect it had on me)-I just concentrate on the fact that it leads to bad things/out of control behaviour. If I don't drink these things don't happe

Think about what hasn't happened YET

- you've not abused your husband yet
- he hasn't got so fed up of your drinking and resultant behaviour yet
- he hasn't left you because of your drinking yet
- you haven't messed up your career because of your drinking yet
- you haven't neglected your children yet and had social services/welfare intervene in their lives yet

I've done some of the above/had others happen and no doubt would have done others if I'd continued drinking. If I stop drinking they won't happen

Wow. This really helps. I guess i hadn't thought of it like that. I guess I'm trying to find someone with a similar story to mine to see if they can enlighten me on why I have my problem just so I don'[t feel so alone.

Holly...Nothing happened to me when I started drinking either...I loved it...Then I crossed that line where it wasn't fun anymore..I couldn't control it...And I couldn't go back to when it was fun..Get out while your life is good and you still have a husband...I wasn't so lucky...I lost everything.

Holly7, I can't figure out why I used alcohol to self medicate either, or why I can't stop until the wine bottle was empty. I'm far from rock bottom but alcohol was taking away my time and memory and affecting my health so it was time to quit. I wouldn't drink poison and wine is poison for me. I think as some more time goes by, the reason to quit will become more apparent.

Thank you. I guess I should just leave the "Whys" until a later date and just deal with getting through today.

hi Holly, i'm feeling exactly the same as you at the moment, same questions and i just can't get my head around all of this :( x

Hi Holly

I've just re-read my reply. I didn't meant to upset you or be harsh-just saying what I thought about my own situation and how things can end up. I'm late 30s with a good life and have drunk for years, college, University, then work related stuff to the point it was just normal. But it creeps up slowly to the point it is necessary and the side effects/consequences are serious. Not really bad, as you say, but that was mainly good luck and fortune rather than any good judgment on my part. Recently, 20 years after I started drinking, I looked in the mirror and can see the toll it has taken. I do not want my husband looking at me and thinking how on earth did I end up with this fat, ugly, bloated woman who smells of and is dependent on wine? (he hadn't said that YET) 2 months later I've lost 20 pounds, look fitter and healthier than I have in years and despite a couple of lapses intend to continue a drink free life.

Yeah its all very confusing, but I was just reminded that I probably won't figure it out for a long time so I just need to accept that I'm not going to get the answer to that today and focus on not drinking today. How many days do you have now without alcohol? I'm on day 3.

Hi Holly. I am over four months sober and I felt a lot like you. I hadn't lost a job or a relationship or a house or my freedom (jail) because of alcohol. But there were a lot of close calls and honestly I didn't GAIN a lot because of alcohol. I knew my life could be so much better if I could just get rid of my dependence on alcohol. My bottom was emotional more than external circumstances-- alcohol robbed me of self-esteem, confidence, happiness-- I was depressed and felt like life was purposeless. Now without alcohol I feel so much happier and healtier (I still sometimes want to drink but the thought of how unhappy I used to be compared to how happy I am now keeps me from doing it). Everyone's bottom is different. But for sure if you continue drinking your bottom will get lower and lower and lower. Alcoholism is like an elevator going down, down, down-- you can get off at any time, but you can never start going back up again (or even stop where you're at) while you're still drinking. So I advise trying to be grateful for what you HAVEN'T lost (yet), and remember that those people sharing their stories are helping you a lot but showing you what could happen to you if you don't stop before it's too late!! Best wishes to you.

Your message didnt make me upset. Congrats on the weight loss and being drink free. I am planning on getting my body back into shape too. After a year and a half of abusing my body I want to start taking care of myself again.

'...it seems that everyone hit a real low in order for them to wake up and get sober.'

In upper class AA groups you'd likely feel less fortunate than those members. Our bank balance doesn't alter our problem or our solution.

'They had lost everything, and I can see if I continued with the drinking how that could be me.'

If you listened there were points in their stories at which they hadn't lost everything and were feeling pretty lucky in life and were doing peachy. I see you haven't lost everything and are feeling pretty lucky in life and are doing peachy.

'I'm scared that I might have to in order to stop drinking forever.'

Yeah maybe, maybe not. Depends how sharp you are.

'Right now I am kidding myself that one day I can be a responsible drinker again.'

No you can't. You stand no more chance than the people writing all the 'OMG, I was so surprised my drinking got out of hand again' posts in the newcomer section. You could stay stopped or you could be very surprised too. Or pretend to be, since I just told you how it eventually goes, always.

'It seems that my reasons for drinking are invalid compared to other peoples stories. I drank because my life seemed to be too good to be true.'

People will put spins on the reasons why they continue to make themselves sick but the spins are false and wonderful examples of self-dishonesty. Alcoholics drink for one reason, not more for more than one.

Good you're learning, keep that up as there's lots to find out about in order to not wind up with a tainted and torn life.

For me Holly - a bottoms not an event - it's a decision - it's that point where you simply can't live your life that way one moment longer.

Sounds to me like you might already be there :)

I was stupid and stubborn and kept trying to make my crazy life work, year after year and getting deeper and deeper and deeper in a hole....but it doesn't need to be that way :)

D

Hi Holly and welcome, glad you're here! I didn't hit a bottom. I had a really good life, a loving and supportive husband and a lucrative career. (Unlike you,though, I started drinking when I was young to numb the pain of an abusive childhood) But as I got older and sloooooowly but surely built a safer life for myself, I came to wonder why I couldn't just stop drinking. I had all I wanted, I was living my dream, why couldn't I just put down the glass?
I decided to ignore the mental health aspects at the beginning, and just stop drinking. After 2 weeks of white-knuckling it I checked out my first AA meeting. I felt ready then (and excited, actually) to begin looking inside myself to learn about my long-time frenemy alcohol. Now I see that my "really good" life was ok, but that sober life, really living life, is beyond-words-unbelievably-awesome.
I don't think you have to "hit a bottom." You can stop digging anytime.