New here, help needed....
 

I'm doing so so well I need some super help to resist temptation this weekend.

I'm Day 23 sober after drinking heavily nightly for 18 months. I was always a heavy social drinker but kept it to the weekends until my beloved mum died nearly 3 years ago. I drank heavily 5 nights a week till I fell pregnant, went cold turkey for 15 months while pregnant and nursing and from there it was a nightly thing as I was a stay at home mum and sooooooo bored! I got to the point where I would drink 6 beers before dinner and a bottle of wine with dinner till it was gone (only happily buzzed on this amount). I tried to stop and moderate for 6 months before I realized I couldn't and now I have been stopped for 3 weeks it's only with a clear head I realize how bad I was. I had no severe withdrawals but irritability, headaches and nausea in the first week. I really don't want to ever do week 1 again!

Anyway my problem now is I'm returning to my home town (2hr flight away) for a wedding this Saturday. I will have no husband, no kids, be around ALL my best friends who are letting loose! All this I could probably handle as if I'm having a good time it's easier to resist alcohol than if I'm not. The biggest issue is that the wedding is on a beach that my mum and I walked on ALL the time and the reception is at a restaurant at that beach where my mum and I shared a million coffees and lunches. I'm scared the raw grief will drive me to numb it with a drink as that is how I dealt with it in the beginning.

Also my alcy voice is telling me 'you've done a month off now, your fine'. I'm starting to believe it but deep down I know that things can't be different! Ive never been able to stop at 2 even before i relized i had a problem. The longest I've done before was 3 weeks, I thought I'd be fine but after 1 bottle of wine I had a massive blackout and experienced the worst hangover ever when usually I don't get them. I could'nt believe my tolerance had dropped so much, then after that 1 bottle it took me another 6 weeks of daily drinking before I stopped again on the 30th Jan 2012, here I am.

Any advice would be greatfully appreciated. I've been to a handful of AA meetings, belong to an online support group for alcy mums and just joined here today. This forum seems much more busy and I like the input of men and all ages.

Thanx in advance. xo

Welcome....I guess i'd have to ask myself the question...How important is this wedding for me to attend?

And I hate to say it...Because I am a man...I think the smarter alkies here are women.

Character shows when we do the right thing even if no one sees us. Or something like that. :tongue:

What I mean by that is, you should be getting sober for yourself, not for your child or your husband. If you are, then you will stay sober even when they aren't around. You might be able to fool them, but you cannot fool youself. They may not know you drink, but you will know. How badly do you want to live a sober life? That's the question you must answer.

I tried to get out of going, spoke to 2 besties who said not an option! They know of my struggles but I guess they don't completely 'get it' as they're not addict. They said they'd help me not drink blah blah....

But I seriously HAVE to go! Best friend who's finally getting married at 40, paid $500 for ticket as I booked last minute due to worries about going, even hubby thinks it will be good for me and being on that beach will somehow help me move forward....as long as I don't drink :|

I want to be sober for me first suki. And for them.
I guess that is all I need to keep fresh in my mind....the REASON I can't drink. I'm sick of the obsession!

The balls in your court....I guard my sobriety with my life...Do what you got to do...I'd be sober with the wife and kids. That's just me.

I could be wrong DoinThis...You kind of sound like your mind was made up before you posted...Even your name suggests that.

That wedding sounds like one massive trigger! I've had to turn down wedding invitations simply because I knew I wasn't capable of staying sober for the night. Hope you use good judgement!

2 massive triggers.

If you are definitely going then my advice would be to let a good amount of friends know that you are not drinking anymore so that even if you do feel the urge, you'll also feel a sense of sticking to your word and not looking like you have no control over yourself. Secondly, make sure you have a non-alcoholic drink in hand at all time. Eat a lot and make yourself full. Remind yourself that you don't want to go backwards. Finally, do it for your mother. She would want you to be healthy and living your best life. Maybe you will find some sort of harmony being there, although I suppose you won't know till you are there.

Maybe your besties need to know HOW to help you, since they may not know. I'd also recommend keeping someone close on speed dial.

I don't know if you want to hear...Sure...Go for it....Not from me. I'd have to tell you no...And I have to base that on my experience with weddings...I've never left one I wasn't plastered in my life...Including my own.

I couldn't put myself in a more dangerous position really. It helps to write on here as I know the alcy voice inside of me can't be trusted and the last 3 weeks I don't want to waste....heading for happy, joyous and free! I would just love some help with a plan to help staying sober easier on e day.

Welcome Doin This!
Congratulations on 23 days, that is great. If you are going to the wedding, you need to have a SERIOUS talk with the besties about your sobriety, your concerns about triggers, and your need for support. My friends minimized my concerns in the beginning too but once I was serious and stern and asked them for help, they are 100% supportive. If your friends are anything like mine, they won't drink themselves, will watch you like a hawk all night, and will listen sympathetically when you cry about the beach and your mom (which we both know is totally going to happen.) If there is an after party, skip it and take a relaxing hot bath in the hotel room and watch a movie. I repeat, skip the afterparty! You can attend a wedding ceremony, eat dinner, dance and catch up with friends sober but late night drunk fest? Absolutely not! Get real with the gfs, make a plan of what to do ic you really feel your sobriety is compromised, and please take good care of yourself! Xo

Thanx guys....by the time I write back there is more messages posted! This forum is great :)

Lot of plans out there Dointhis..AA works for me. You have 23 days...The only place I went when I had 23 days was to a meeting. You get some time under your belt...You can go anywhere you want...This one sounds a little dicey....Let me ask you....HONESTLY....Do you think you would make it through that weekend?...Yes or No.

Welcome DoinThis...You will have to make up your own mind about going. Obviously, you want to hear opinions or you wouldn't have posted, so here's mine...
I drank for 30 years. I am sober 13 months. Doesn't seem like a whole lot in the spectrum of things but let me tell you how that came to be. I wanted to stop drinking more than I wanted another drink...for good...not just until the next family function came up that I thought I could use for yet another excuse. Im ((sorry)) about your Mom but I'm afraid you don't have enough sobriety under your belt to safely ward off evil. You will give in to either the lost feelings you have from the memories or you will give in due to peer pressure. Saying that your "besties" said not going is not an option is not taking control over your life or control over you're own thoughts. You are letting them puppeteer you into going and you know it won't be a safe trip -alcohol wise.
Saying they will watch out for you is a bunch or malarchy in my mind...no one will watch out for you -but you. They'll all be sloshed. It's just too soon for you, Hun, just too soon.
If I was in your situation...I seriously would not go IF I wanted my sobriety bad enough. But that, my dear, is entirely up to you.
This is your choice, your life, your journey.

Wishing you peace and strength.

This is going to be a massive test DoinThis - but if you're committed to going I really hope you'll read this link - it's for Thanksgiving but it'd work for weddings too - there are some helpful ideas there:

Crying Out Now: Thanksgiving Survival Guide

It's probably not going to be a pleasant experience, DoinThis - I can't lie to you.

but if I, after all the years I drunk, can deal with grief and be ok with just being with the feeling...and if I can go to weddings and stay sober you can too :)

D

Hi DoinThis. Great that you're here with us & asking for advice.

For me, early on things were quite shaky - emotions were raw. I didn't dare put myself in a tempting situation for a few months. This is such a personal thing - only you know how much danger you'll be in by going. My first time in a social situation where there was alcohol was 3 mos. after I quit. I had no intention of drinking, but I wasn't happy about it back then - and didn't have a good time at all. Too resentful and sorry for myself. That all improved over time, though - now I'm so thankful I won't wake up with a hangover wondering, 'What happened last night?!"

Congratulations on your 23 days! Let us know what you decide & how you're doing.