Day 1 Again
 

Back again. Clearly I refuse to learn. It's Day 1 of sobriety again, and I feel just wretched lately. I've been binge drinking everyday, and I'm trying to shake this terrible feeling of hopelessness. I get to go through the wonderful feelings of withdrawal now all over again, and I'm dreading it. What a fool I can be.

Welcome back, Ahab :c031:

It's no fun starting over, but you can use the way you're feeling now to motivate you. Is there anything you can change (or something new you can try) to keep it going this time?

Just be careful with detoxing - hope you feel a lot better soon....:grouphug:

welcome back, as always we will never judge you here. :) Keep trying :)

Thanks to both of you. I have a lot of feelings of self loathing right now. I can't believe I'm still doing this to myself.

I'll have to see what my options are for long term recovery. This is just no life to live anymore.

Welcome back, ahab. Sounds like you're sick and tired of being sick and tired. That's a great place to start again. You are not alone.

No matter what your past looks like, your future is spotless.

It can be done. My sobriety date is Nov. 27, 1988.

welcome back Ahab :)

I know well the feeling of knowing I couldn't live that way anymore too - maybe its time to try some different strategies? :)

D

Welcome back Ahab! No judgement here; just jump back on that wagon. I did AGAIN two days ago. Welcoming day 3 tomorrow with church and an AA meeting. You can do this. You can end the madness NOW!

Ahab, just keep comimg back, I am on day three, almost slipped tonight, wrestled with the thought, decided not to, got pissed off, but glad I didn't. Dust yourself off and keep on hanging on!!

it was only when I was a bit clear of the acute stage that I realised that alcohol has a way of creating strong emotions that only it can resolve. I assume what I used to think of as "anguish" and "dread" would only get worse. I am now clear of all that stuff.

I used to "dread" looking at life without alcohol, now I hardly ever think about it.

right on brother glad u made her back!

Ahab,

…you are posting here; that's what counts. So you begin again; that is so much better than giving up and not starting over. Keeping moving forward. :)

Dust yourself off and try again. One you will look back and thank yourself you kept pushing and pushing.

Thank you everyone for the kind words. It's Day 2 now. I think at this point I've hit such a powerful feeling of surrender that it can be turned into the end of my drinking. I've just failed so many endless times, it's very hard to hang onto hope right now.

I'm virtually at the end of being a functional alcaholic. The future only holds a downward slide. I feel like my very sanity is starting to unravel from the drink. I feel like its leading me to the verge of complete self destruction.

Ahab, while I sometimes ponder what I would be like if I hadn't begun drinking....if I had never drank at all, I start to think of what life will be like once I have omitted alcohol from my completely.

I know how you feel (as I am back on day 2 myself :gaah). That feeling of "how did this happen again????" and "when will it end." It sucks. We humans as individuals can be incredibly powerful if we can avoid those vices that bring us down.

But your day 2 is better than day 0. And so will day 3...4....5 and so on. Perhaps we both should wake up each morning and read these forums as a reminder of our goal in life.

Great words loudog. I've made it several times to 2 or 3 months of sobriety, and frankly those have been the best and most hopeful times of my adult life. I would feel as if anything was possible when I wasn't shackled to the bottle. Why I would even consider going back to this boggles my mind. I can only hope that this will be my final break. I can bare the idea of going back into that abyss again.

'I've made it several times to 2 or 3 months of sobriety, and frankly those have been the best and most hopeful times of my adult life. I would feel as if anything was possible when I wasn't shackled to the bottle.'

It is amazing how incredible it feels to be 2-3 months sober. You seem to have doubts about reaching that again, even having done it a few times already.

I may be seeing something you're not saying, but why would you have doubt about stopping as you have done before and instead of drinking this time at the 3 month point simply keep it going indefinately?

Was anything different in those earlier times than now?

One thing I can suggest is write down exactly how you feel about your alcohol problem. Include your physical and emotional feelings - anxiety, despair, sadness, nausea, etc. Go into as much detail as you can.

Then, when you feel tempted re-read your feelings and remind yourself just how you felt. I have done this and it has helped.

If you look at my posts you'll see that I have twice attempted to stay sober and capitulated. Now is my third time and I haven't had a drink so far this year.

Good Luck!

I made it 15 years sober......then I turned 16 and had a beer =(

I wouldn't say I felt different then now, I had the same feeling of surrender. Though I'm completely resolved to quitting now, I have the horrible fear that in 3 or 4 days, or 2 or 3 months I slip right back into that hell. Once you've seen how powerful this illness is at tricking the mind you know to be very wary.

On the other hand after all those failures I now know without a shadow of a doubt what that one drink will do to me. That one drink is a guarantee beginning right back into the abyss. So here is hoping that this is the final break.

Ha. I made it 13. I wish I knew back in where it would lead me.