Avoiding SR...
 

I have to admit, I've been avoiding the site. I'm not sober yet and don't want my negative mojo sent to anyone else...I got a nasty little email from my hubby... basically, I get my S**t together or we're done... first real wake up call... I'm sad, tired, feeling like giving up. I know I can do this, so why does it seem so hopeless??

Sorry things are going so rough. You don't have to worry about bringing negative mojo here -- if anything maybe our positive mojo will rub off on you. :)

Gosh I hope so! I dont usually get this down... but I'm sure tomorrow will be better...

The proof you can quit is everywhere on this site—which is why this is the first place you should turn for support. Negative mojo is not contagious, but positive mojo is. :)

Well, Camille, I'm glad you are here!

Welcome back.

Thanks ReadyAndAble why is it harder to hear that you can quit than that you cant??? I am SOO sad tonight, and I just thought I had everything under control. guess not.

CamilleBelle...you are young, smart and if you put the same drive into your sobriety as you do your drinking you will recover just fine.
You need to flip that coin over...start considering the optimism of your journey, consider your pros and cons. What have you got to lose if you keep drinking? I can imagine it would be everything including your life if you progress the same as most of us alcoholics.
Those of us on here are the lucky ones. I consider myself extremely grateful everyday for the next breath I take and the next sunrise I witness. Life is so precious.
The journey you need to follow is that of your own heart. It takes time and time is on your side right now. Everything happens in its own time. Your husbands threat is nothing but a plea to you to please, CamilleBelle, please stop drinking I can not live like this anymore. Spouses feel helpless....everything they do or say never works. It is up to us to decide when its time to stop. Believe me...
Sweetie, you can do this. If you can just get thru a few days of not drinking then you're on the right path. Negative energy is contagious. It will bring you down. You need to connect with the positive. There is something good in every situation although it may not be obvious. This past year for me has been very hard. But if I continue to look for something good -just one good thing in everything then the negative doesn't seem as bad as it is. Does that make sense?
You are here for a reason...and I thought about you when your weren't. I know the feelings streaming through your heart. They hurt. But there is so much support here for you...you need to swallow your pride not the booze.
Once the fog lifts, your head will see clear to tomorrow...and the next day...and the next. Soon you will be on your way and wonder why you hadn't stopped sooner.
Tomorrow is a new day.

drinking always made me feel hopeless Camille...once I stopped, slowly but surely, that turned around
I'm glad you're back :)

D

I've read your posts up until now with some trepidation, because I know that half measures don't work very well. I will leave the "support" stuff to those with more finesse, and instead give you a different sort of advice. If you do not start looking at your addiction as the grim reaper itself, Camille, and quit drinking, you will destroy yourself. I have full faith in your own capacity to recover, but you will have to stop vacillating and take the bull by the horns. Against this enemy, you must show no mercy, because I can guarantee you that it will certainly show you none.

Please keep posting
 

Because I hang out on this website, I am 92 days of crack.

CB, you're getting the kind of self-knowlege and experience it takes to move to the next level of effort when you do start to grasp that this is something we aren't able to wish away, even when we're wishing with all of our might and hope in our strongest terms that it will be wished away.

It doesn't matter in the least how you prefer to see this thing, or what you'd like it to take for you to finess it. Alcoholism follows it's patterns and does not abide by what you'd like to be so.

As a guideline, dealing with it most often requires the direct opposite of what you'd prefer. One tactic is to figure out what you most don't want to have to do to stay sober for the rest of your lifetime, and then throw yourself into that path completely. If you do, then the chances are good you won't drink until you get to the point where you feel you are just fine and then stop doing what is working. Should you in the future take that common path then your education will be extended.

Alcoholism is generally made up of a lot of really bad news for the type of people our drinking twists us into being. Untwisting enough to live without another drink takes a whole lot of effort at first, and some efforts ongoing to maintain the you that doesn't have to drink again eventually.

Far more efforts than we would ever decide on our own to do, given the choice.

The question you'll be working out for a while is if you have no other choice, and the quicker you decide that question the better it will be for your life experience.

I felt this way too.

I think it's because I wasn't used to, or even comfortable with, succeeding. Failing was something I knew very well. But, what if I succeeded? What then? It was a scary thought.

Know that you deserve a good life and that you can do this.

CB that was part of my wake up call to. My boyfriend and I split in October for a month, it had alot to do with my drinking. He got tired of telling me to stop only to have me say what he wanted to hear and then start sneak drinking behind his back and trying to hide it. Which didnt work because he discovered all my hiding places and could tell when I drank no matter how hard I tried to cover it up. No matter how much gum I chewed or cough drops or toothpaste, he could smell it on me and see it in my glassy eyes. He was tired of my suicidal thoughts and emotional rantings while drunk. The embarassing public spectacles. I cant blame him he put up with it long enough.

I came to the point where I realized if I dont change Im not only going to lose myself but someone wonderful who loves me and the future we can have together. BUT I also realized that I had to 1st and foremost want to do it for ME. If you try and change just for someone elses benefit your doomed to fail. You have to want it for you, with or without him.

Wishing you all the best.

Awesome neferkamichael! I'm so proud of you.

Sorry you're having a rough time. You're in the right place xxx

I used to hide too when I relapsed, now I see there was no reason to, we've all been in the same boat after all.

I know it's difficult getting to that real moment of clarity, but getting sober had to be my first priority for it to stick, I was prepared to do whatever it took, no half measures, no thinking there was some-way-to-get-around-all-this (I learned that the hard way over several months). It was tough but I had good support and am now very glad I made this choice for my life. I shudder to think where I'd now be if I'd continued in my habits.

Let our positive mojo rub off on you.

I've seen it said many times...negative posts actually help people who are struggling so don't worry about your posting.

I have full faith you can do this!

CamilleBelle

:HOXmasrd:Xmasdana

Positive Christmas mojo.

All kidding aside - once you really commit you can soooo do this. Yes it's hard, yes it's uncomfortable at times, yes at times "feels" not worth it - but that feeling passes.

Don't stop to keep him. Really don't - it won't work

Stop to keep "you" -

Stopping = better things, hard to begin yet it gets easier

Drinking = it always makes everything worse, easy to do

I REALLY apreciate all your responses. I have a therapy appt. At 11 this morning so it will be good to talk to him. There is just so much going on... Company coming tomorrow and then having to pack the whole house up for a move cross-country. Im excited for the change, but scared to death also. I guess it is the perfect excuse to change myself as well... :a043: