I think the meaning of one's life is something too large for an individual to understand. I am trying to take solice that I am making the ones who love me even more proud of me and I am finding pride in myself again. I see the doom and gloom is that monster trying to draw us back in. Misery loves company and that bugger is realizing that it's losing you. "Come back! Come back to your old self. I'm all you know. I'm what you NEED." It desperate. Feel sad from time to time but embrace it as a period of growth and look forward to impending happiness. You can't do that with alcohol.

Glad you are looking to the future! It beats living in the past.

Life sometimes deals some incredibly vicious blows. I can't imagine the one you were dealt. But the human spirit can be very rebounding if given the chance. Allow yourself to grieve, let it flow outward so you can refill with life again. It will happen and you will heal. Alcohol will only slow the process by shrouding the pain and keeping it in you. I wish you peace.

Day 11
 

The week is going by fast. Its been a good week - we went for dinner last night during happy hour. Hubby drank a 2 for 1 rum special by himself. He didn't even give me a hard time about not having one. I drank water - was very good. Hot here - was refreshing. On the way out of the restaurant there was a little boy making a snow angel in the sand. It was so cute - and looked like fun - so I laid down next to him and made a "big" snow angel. He thought it was pretty funny. I enjoyed hearing him laugh.
That is what life is about - if I had been drinking, I would have walked right by him without seeing - and I would have missed out.
Today I am meeting my favorite aunt (and drinking buddy) for breakfast instead of our usual 2 bottle lunch.
Life is getting interesting ...

Good for you 725! It sounds like you're doing a great job! You know, as I started the process of quitting alcohol, the "little things" are the things that really made me crave sobriety. I realized how much I missed-- those little things are the best part of life! Good job!

Day 12
 

Day 12 - and another weekend.
We went out for dinner again last night. They drank beer I had diet sprite and then water. I think I'm becoming addicted to ice - I ask for it by the glassfull and crunch away as everyone else drinks. I think it gives me something to do - maybe relieves nervous energy.
Keeping a daily thread really helps me. I never realized how much we go out - no wonder I'm an alcoholic...
Yesterday I started a journal - letters to my daughter. It was very difficult but really helped. I had an epiphany - which I will explore more as time goes on.

So - we're into another weekend. I'm sure we have plans with friends. I'm sure there will be drinking - I'll just keep trudging along - not one sip and then I won't have a problem.

PS: My get-together with my aunt went well. I thought she would pressure me into drinking - everybody is walking on eggshells around me w/o challenge

Your courage is really inspiring. I'm certain that the fact that you were able to honor your daughter's memory in this way will change lives for the better and probably even save a few.

Praying for you today, and great work so far.

Rr:avrt
 

I'm glad the weekend is over. Weekends are tough.

I read a book recommended by SoberJennie about RR (Rapid Recovery) or AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Therapy). It makes more sense to me than anything else I've heard or read.

If I am going to quit drinking? Why not just decide to quit FOREVER?? And, if I'm going to quit forever, why do I have to count days? FOREVER has no end.

The just of it is that most of us say "I'm going to quit drinking" and our "addictive voice or subconscious" says "yeah, sure you are". That alone gives us permission to relapse. (it also says AA sets a person up for relapse because it is expected and accepted). If you're going to quit drinking - just QUIT DRINKING FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE - FOREVER. No more meetings, no more decisions - just do it.

Of course there is more to it than that - but - I recommend it to everyone who is serious - with every fiber of their mind and being - to be sober for the rest of their lives.

entertaining
 

So hubby invited friends for dinner last night - last minute. At first I was kind of upset because all the work falls on me and I wasn't sure I was up to it.

It turned out to be a really good time. These are friends that we drink with - they all drank. I did not. At the end of the night, I poured the remaining wine down the sink without yearning or second thought. lol. I impressed myself...

It was interesting to see the alcohol take hold of everyone - the conversation turned livlier and louder - and I was able to join in without drinking. I just played the hostess and took care of everyone else.

Interestingly enough - noone seemed to notice that I wasn't drinking or made reference to it. hmmmm

Hello, I just joined last night and I found your message. How are you doing? My son was killed 3 years and it is this year that the drinking is out of control. I understand how you feel. I hope you are achieving your goal. Take care,

Betty

Good for you 725,

A quote that I have mentioned here occasionally, and one that I like to remind myself of quite a bit is "Don't worry about what other people think about you. They don't even think about you."

I think that's true to an extent. People certainly don't think about us as much as we think they would. Not drinking is a perfectly rational decision to a nonalcoholic. It's only to an alcoholic that it seems strange or out of place.

I'm glad you are holding strong in your sobriety, keep up the great work!

Betty,
I'm so sorry to hear about your son. Does the pain get any easier? I have never known such heartache.

725bygrace, and betty9403, I hope you are both doing well.

It's called our "imaginary audience".

So sad ...
 

I'm going into my 3rd weekend. Its different now. I'm not stressing over avoiding wine. There were a couple of times this week that I had a brief picture-flash of me with a glass of wine, but for the most part, I'm not thinking about it.
My thinking has been come more clear and focused - instead of agonizing over and picturing my daughter's suicide, I am thinking more about her addiction as the cause of her death.
I met with a user friend of her's yesterday over lunch. Before Krystin's death, he had been sober (heroin) for 5-6 months. I only met him once before-but he contacted me and told me if I ever wanted to talk, he was available. I wasn't surprised at how messed up he was when we met. He relapsed the week he learned of Krystin's suicide. It hit him hard as they were good friends before and during her use.
We talked about Krystin - but I also kept trying to redirect the conversation back to him and how he was going to get the help he needs. (His boyfriend was along and he kept falling asleep in the chair - obviously high).
My heart just aches for these young people ...
I wish I could help him - but I don't think he wants help. He has become his addiction. He has lost the will to fight it. At the age of 25, there isn't any life left in him anymore.

I'm a newbie also!
 

I'm brand new to this site and so grateful that I found it!! I have tried to post several new threads with my story to get help and info from all you great people and they never show up. What am I doing wrong? Once I get a response, I will repost my story to try and get some advice! Thanks to you all and it's so nice to meet everyone!:react

Rainy days and mondays
 

Okay, so its saturday, dab smack in the middle of the weekend and I'm home alone. Its raining. I'm bored. What to do ??!??

Day 21
 

Wow! Three weeks. Who would have thought??
We had company on sunday and there was a 2/3 bottle of my favorite wine left on the counter. I corked it and put it back in the refrigerator after everyone left. Its still there - but I found myself thinking about it off and on throughout the day. Maybe its not such a good idea to keep it...
but I don't want to deal with it right now. I'm feeling a little weak.

I got the accident and police report today. It was difficult to read. I thought about that bottle of wine ... but I got through it on my own.

725bygrace,
you are so strong and are an inspiration - you are doing amazing, 3 weeks, wow!!! That is great! Im so sorry to hear about your daughter. Keep strong and yeah it probably not the best idea to keep the wine in your fridge - at least for me it would be a major struggle

company
 

So we had company for dinner last night. New friends. They called to see what kind of wine they could bring and I told them "I don't drink". The men had a couple of beers and we women drank iced tea.
It was great socializing without alcohol !!! We had meaningful conversation and alot of fun.

Did you share your struggles with your addiction to plant a seed of recovery? Prayers to you and to him & his friend(s)

I laughed and told them I "used to be a wino" and that "I've drank way more than my share"

Their son, David, is a friend of our daughters. He is the first person she called to pray for us when Krystin was in a coma. They are 35 year christian veterans who have taken it upon themselves to encourage us in our walk. I see our friendship with them growing.

We have been looking for the right church since April and they belong to the one we tried this past Sunday. I am certain that this is where we're going to land ... hubby said just yesterday that "we found our church". I already felt the same way.