The slippery tightrope walk to sobriety
 

I walked into my first AA meeting nine months ago on Columbus Day morning... when I figured it was time to clean up my act and discover myself. And I've only just begun. I love the tools I learn in the rooms, in SR, and from ALL the amazing people I've met.

I went from drinking ONE BOTTLE A DAY for the past 10 years to NOT drinking one bottle a day.

Er... Uh-hum... mmmmm...

For those of you paying close attention to my words, you may already understand where I'm going here:

I have NOT been completely clean. The fact is -- every two weeks or so, I've have a drink... tho never, EVER a whole bottle.

Deep in my heart it bothers me. Deep DEEP in my heart, I know I must not be fully committed. And not being fully committed means I open myself up to "one drink leading to MORE". BELIEVE ME -- I GET THAT.

All of this is to say, I totally feel the difference in no longer DRINKING AN ENTIRE BOTTLE (which sounds absurd to me in my current state of mind). On the other hand -- I KNOW THAT ONE DRINK IS ONE TOO MANY! (I've witnessed that within my own psyche and hear about that all the time in the rooms...)

I just wanted to put it out there... Anyone have a similar path? Any thoughts?

Sidebar 1: how many GREAT pairs of shoes could I have bought in these past ten years? HOW MANY trips to Italy could I have taken had I not spent the money on WINE...

Sidebar 2: I know I run better and faster -- and definitely think better without...

I just got to be honest -- and thank you for being here to share this with...
:c029:

Hi Brette

Back before I was an everyday drinker I went through a period like this.

For me, the trouble with drinking - even if it was only one or two glasses every two weeks (or x days in my case) - is it kept me in that cycle...

it reinforced the idea I needed alcohol...it kept reinforcing the idea that alcohol is a viable option in some circumstances, and it reinforced the idea that I could control my drinking.

I was still feeding the monster...and sooner or later (well ok, sooner) the monster turned on me....

D

Thank you Dee.... very smart points -- especially the idea of "reinforcing the monster." This is true... Much to chew on. SR is a wonderful place to visit. I feel chills thinking about how I've gotten great wisdom here.

Thank you for your being here as moderator and more.... :)

As an alcoholic, I am often tempted to drink. So I think that I could maybe have one drink and not say anything to anyone. And before my current fabulous string of 8 purely alcohol free days, I did once or twice have one or two drinks without drinking to blackout.

But if on Wednesday I could have two beers, on Saturday I would try again. Sunday was a loss. It is about the first drink. And if you feel bad about not telling, you probably shouldn't be doing it.

As soon as I "feed the beast" it bites my hand off, I'm better off not provoking it in anyway.