The slippery tightrope walk to sobriety
The slippery tightrope walk to sobriety
I walked into my first AA meeting nine months ago on Columbus Day morning... when I figured it was time to clean up my act and discover myself. And I've only just begun. I love the tools I learn in the rooms, in SR, and from ALL the amazing people I've met.
I went from drinking ONE BOTTLE A DAY for the past 10 years to NOT drinking one bottle a day.
Er... Uh-hum... mmmmm...
For those of you paying close attention to my words, you may already understand where I'm going here:
I have NOT been completely clean. The fact is -- every two weeks or so, I've have a drink... tho never, EVER a whole bottle.
Deep in my heart it bothers me. Deep DEEP in my heart, I know I must not be fully committed. And not being fully committed means I open myself up to "one drink leading to MORE". BELIEVE ME -- I GET THAT.
All of this is to say, I totally feel the difference in no longer DRINKING AN ENTIRE BOTTLE (which sounds absurd to me in my current state of mind). On the other hand -- I KNOW THAT ONE DRINK IS ONE TOO MANY! (I've witnessed that within my own psyche and hear about that all the time in the rooms...)
I just wanted to put it out there... Anyone have a similar path? Any thoughts?
Sidebar 1: how many GREAT pairs of shoes could I have bought in these past ten years? HOW MANY trips to Italy could I have taken had I not spent the money on WINE...
Sidebar 2: I know I run better and faster -- and definitely think better without...
I just got to be honest -- and thank you for being here to share this with...
I went from drinking ONE BOTTLE A DAY for the past 10 years to NOT drinking one bottle a day.
Er... Uh-hum... mmmmm...
For those of you paying close attention to my words, you may already understand where I'm going here:
I have NOT been completely clean. The fact is -- every two weeks or so, I've have a drink... tho never, EVER a whole bottle.
Deep in my heart it bothers me. Deep DEEP in my heart, I know I must not be fully committed. And not being fully committed means I open myself up to "one drink leading to MORE". BELIEVE ME -- I GET THAT.
All of this is to say, I totally feel the difference in no longer DRINKING AN ENTIRE BOTTLE (which sounds absurd to me in my current state of mind). On the other hand -- I KNOW THAT ONE DRINK IS ONE TOO MANY! (I've witnessed that within my own psyche and hear about that all the time in the rooms...)
I just wanted to put it out there... Anyone have a similar path? Any thoughts?
Sidebar 1: how many GREAT pairs of shoes could I have bought in these past ten years? HOW MANY trips to Italy could I have taken had I not spent the money on WINE...
Sidebar 2: I know I run better and faster -- and definitely think better without...
I just got to be honest -- and thank you for being here to share this with...
Hi Brette
Back before I was an everyday drinker I went through a period like this.
For me, the trouble with drinking - even if it was only one or two glasses every two weeks (or x days in my case) - is it kept me in that cycle...
it reinforced the idea I needed alcohol...it kept reinforcing the idea that alcohol is a viable option in some circumstances, and it reinforced the idea that I could control my drinking.
I was still feeding the monster...and sooner or later (well ok, sooner) the monster turned on me....
D
Back before I was an everyday drinker I went through a period like this.
For me, the trouble with drinking - even if it was only one or two glasses every two weeks (or x days in my case) - is it kept me in that cycle...
it reinforced the idea I needed alcohol...it kept reinforcing the idea that alcohol is a viable option in some circumstances, and it reinforced the idea that I could control my drinking.
I was still feeding the monster...and sooner or later (well ok, sooner) the monster turned on me....
D
Thank you Dee.... very smart points -- especially the idea of "reinforcing the monster." This is true... Much to chew on. SR is a wonderful place to visit. I feel chills thinking about how I've gotten great wisdom here.
Thank you for your being here as moderator and more....
Thank you for your being here as moderator and more....
As an alcoholic, I am often tempted to drink. So I think that I could maybe have one drink and not say anything to anyone. And before my current fabulous string of 8 purely alcohol free days, I did once or twice have one or two drinks without drinking to blackout.
But if on Wednesday I could have two beers, on Saturday I would try again. Sunday was a loss. It is about the first drink. And if you feel bad about not telling, you probably shouldn't be doing it.
But if on Wednesday I could have two beers, on Saturday I would try again. Sunday was a loss. It is about the first drink. And if you feel bad about not telling, you probably shouldn't be doing it.
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