Notices

The slippery tightrope walk to sobriety

Old 06-26-2011, 01:20 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Brette's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: New York City - but moving
Posts: 57
The slippery tightrope walk to sobriety

I walked into my first AA meeting nine months ago on Columbus Day morning... when I figured it was time to clean up my act and discover myself. And I've only just begun. I love the tools I learn in the rooms, in SR, and from ALL the amazing people I've met.

I went from drinking ONE BOTTLE A DAY for the past 10 years to NOT drinking one bottle a day.

Er... Uh-hum... mmmmm...

For those of you paying close attention to my words, you may already understand where I'm going here:

I have NOT been completely clean. The fact is -- every two weeks or so, I've have a drink... tho never, EVER a whole bottle.

Deep in my heart it bothers me. Deep DEEP in my heart, I know I must not be fully committed. And not being fully committed means I open myself up to "one drink leading to MORE". BELIEVE ME -- I GET THAT.

All of this is to say, I totally feel the difference in no longer DRINKING AN ENTIRE BOTTLE (which sounds absurd to me in my current state of mind). On the other hand -- I KNOW THAT ONE DRINK IS ONE TOO MANY! (I've witnessed that within my own psyche and hear about that all the time in the rooms...)

I just wanted to put it out there... Anyone have a similar path? Any thoughts?

Sidebar 1: how many GREAT pairs of shoes could I have bought in these past ten years? HOW MANY trips to Italy could I have taken had I not spent the money on WINE...

Sidebar 2: I know I run better and faster -- and definitely think better without...

I just got to be honest -- and thank you for being here to share this with...
Brette is offline  
Old 06-26-2011, 02:50 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,044
Hi Brette

Back before I was an everyday drinker I went through a period like this.

For me, the trouble with drinking - even if it was only one or two glasses every two weeks (or x days in my case) - is it kept me in that cycle...

it reinforced the idea I needed alcohol...it kept reinforcing the idea that alcohol is a viable option in some circumstances, and it reinforced the idea that I could control my drinking.

I was still feeding the monster...and sooner or later (well ok, sooner) the monster turned on me....

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 06-27-2011, 02:35 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Brette's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: New York City - but moving
Posts: 57
Thank you Dee.... very smart points -- especially the idea of "reinforcing the monster." This is true... Much to chew on. SR is a wonderful place to visit. I feel chills thinking about how I've gotten great wisdom here.

Thank you for your being here as moderator and more....
Brette is offline  
Old 06-27-2011, 02:59 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Missy7's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
As an alcoholic, I am often tempted to drink. So I think that I could maybe have one drink and not say anything to anyone. And before my current fabulous string of 8 purely alcohol free days, I did once or twice have one or two drinks without drinking to blackout.

But if on Wednesday I could have two beers, on Saturday I would try again. Sunday was a loss. It is about the first drink. And if you feel bad about not telling, you probably shouldn't be doing it.
Missy7 is offline  
Old 06-27-2011, 04:35 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Bikeguy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 1,061
As soon as I "feed the beast" it bites my hand off, I'm better off not provoking it in anyway.
Bikeguy is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:48 PM.