Have you ever lied about your sober/clean time?
 

LaFemme gave me a great idea... so here it is:

I may have lied about how much i drank, who i drank with or even where i was drinking but lying about sober time is just lying to myself.

each time i relapsed in the past sooner or later people accepted my drinkng again, so i figure why lye about it, after all im doing this for me.

Yes. I'd usually say I had a couple days more than I really did. I'd never collect chips or tags for time I didn't actually have though. It's hard when you're first coming back. You feel like an idiot.

But being honest is MUCH more effective if you ask me.

I lied to my family about it, but never AA. I am sure this is a painful question to many in here. What are we to learn or gain from answering it?

nope.

I never thought much about clean time until I finally got clean and joined the fellowship. Once clean, I had no reason to lie about it because I was too grateful for what I did have.

Some are sicker than others.
 

Some are sicker than others. I was in NA for 6 or so months and I was heavy into service and was really all about the social thing and not my recovery so I was at an event and I was hanging out with who else but a newcomer hottie and he offered and I didn't even think twice. The sickest part is I was cooking at this event and I went back and finished out the day loaded and all.

In 10 days I will have 7 years.

That is now a part of my story, and it shows me how powerful this disease can be. It also shows me a lot about ego.

Some people have judged that story and have said, OMG how could anyone do that, well all I can say is

People who judge don't matter
People who matter don't judge

No reason to lie for me, if I wanted to drink I'd still be drinking. It's kind of like cheating in golf when you are playing by yourself. There is no real point, because you know the real score and you are the only one who cares. If I was still drinking I wouldn't be hanging around recovery websites or meetings, I'd be at the bar or getting ready for my impending divorce.:)

What self strength and control you have! I admire that. To wake up one day and say you didn't want to drink anymore. Sadly, some are so sick they must truly fall to the bottom to ever hope to build their way back up. Everyone comes to recovery in their own way I suppose. Believe it or not there are many who want to drink, but struggle not to, by going to meetings and hanging around recovery sites.

The first time I relapsed in aa I was so scared of being judged by others, that I just got to know, I decided to try and get sober on my own for 30 days so that I wouldn't have to introduce myself as a person in their first 30 days again.

Of all the mistakes I have made in aa that was the worst. I ended up going thru 45 days of on and off bindging and detoxing. I felt like I was loosing my mind, about to go insane, and just wanted to die. I came back in begging for help, anouncing that I was at day one. It was such a releif. That was one year ago. And in that one year the longest sober time i've had was 5 1/2 months. I went to a meeting 2 days ago, and prowdly anounced being at day one. I sincearly hope that no one else makes the mistake that I did, by letting your fear of judgements from others, get in the way of receiving the help that they want to give.

Bizarre...even though my "no" vote is truthful, it feels somehow disingenuous given I lied about anything and everything through the couse of my addiction. Must not have enough sober/recovery time yet.

Great thread JBC...at first I did. I would drink but "not count" it because I was out of town or it was extinuating circumstances (bad day etc) Stupid thinking.

My question is: AA tells us its "One day at a time" If that is the case then was is there so my emphasis on how many days/months/years sober we are?

I'd guess those that once lied mostly cleaned it up. Or they're too new for the lie to have caught up with them yet and need to get honest.

I may not have been honest in other things in my
life for years, however by remaining honest with my
sobriety date 8-11-90, some 20 years later it has
given me the reward of an Honest, Happy, Free life
today that is one AWESOME gift from the Man upstairs. :)

Perhaps if enough people vote, how common or not this is. Some believe lying is at the heart of the problem itself.

Lying about sober time might pale in comparison to some of the other lies, but perhaps "getting honest" about this is a good indicator of when people begin to heal? I don't know - I'm interested in other's views on this.

I've seen this done, but I personally would literally drop off the map if I was back at it, including AA and SR.

If my drunk text messages and e-mails are anything to go by, if I started drinking again and posted on here UTI, I would probably get kicked off within the hour. :-)

I honestly don't see the point in lying to anyone close to you about your recovery. It's one thing to not know exactly and approximate sober time, it's another thing entirely to flat out exaggerate.

I've thought about this myself, having seen many "kings/queens of the 30 day chip". Endless relapse/retread cycles. Those chips can eventually become lead weights dragging you down.

I think in part there is an over-emphasis because some people may like to use "time" as status.

I came to the decision that I would not emphasize it anymore. I don't pick up "chips" anymore, and I didn't register my "sober date" on here or in AA.

I do have it written down somewhere, but I have to use a "sobriety calculator" if someone asks how long it has been.

I used to keep track of "time," but in hindsight I think that was only because I still, on some level, reserved the option of "relapses" - before it sunk in and I knew in my bones that I would never drink again, under any circumstances.

I have now removed that option, and I am pristinely confident that I will never drink again. If I will never drink again, why count time since my last drunk?

As someone else pointed out to me, only prisoners count time until their freedom. I am already free.

I didn't say it was easy, and this thread is about lieing about your progress. If you are lieing, the only one you are affecting is yourself. If you are on a recovery forum lieing or at a meeting lieing....why?

Now if you are at this forum and you are drinking and you are letting people know you are having problems quitting or you are relapsing continuously or if you are in meetings and you are honest about you drinking or wanting to drink I don't have a problem with that.

Lying is something I detest. That being said, it's exactly what I became while drinking. A LIAR! Who was I lying to? Mainly myself. Others surely knew I was drinking. Since I got sober, I respect myself again, have my morals back in place.

So, to answer your question John, NO, I have never lied about my sober time.

For me, there is no point in lying... it is what it is... and if I did it would only be hurting myself. Interesting poll... I do know people in real life that have lied quite a few times.... I am not one of them.

Nope, but I don't judge others for doing it. It is their recovery and not mine.

ya, I lied about my sober time.

I had more lies of ommission rather than commission-- I just wouldn't say.

But the larger point for me is why would I be surprised that I lied, or someone else lied? Alcoholics lie. We also cheat, steal, delude and malign. Dishonesty is as intergral a part of untreated alcoholism as drinking.

But I do think the reason many people lie is because we are told we must go to a meeting and "fess up." According to who? Who exactly decided that a tour of public confession was a good idea for a relapsing alcoholic?

I think the underlying assumption is that the "wretched guilt" and shame of public confession will keep the "guilty party" sober the next time around.

It doesn't usually work out that way, though. If anything, as DUNE pointed out, the fear of a "shaming ritual" might keep them from coming back at all.

I haven't lied during the time I found SR but I didn't tell...

It wasn't until the morning of day 7 that I finally told my husband that I had found this site and that I wanted to be free from alcohol. I know the reason I didn't tell him was just encase I wanted a drink and he would have never known I'd quit. I took us getting into a fight the night before that in the morning I finally spoke up.

What step is it to let your family know I AM AN ALCOHOLIC???... YUK... i really don't like how that sounds.

One day at a time.... I know I have step 1 & 2 down.. Again one day at a time

That's an interesting take. Step 1 (in AA's program of recovery) is all about my internal realization that I do not have the power to stay sober a day at a time.

"...My question is: AA tells us its "One day at a time" If that is the case then was is there so my emphasis on how many days/months/years sober we are?..."

Although 'the people' in AA may use the catch phrase 'one day at a time' it can be found nowhere in the AA program. In fact, it's not found anywhere in the first 164 pages of the BB either. The founders of AA got sober 'for good and all' (in other words, no matter what they wouldn't pick up a drink, they quit forever, to never drink again).

"...I've thought about this myself, having seen many "kings/queens of the 30 day chip". Endless relapse/retread cycles. Those chips can eventually become lead weights dragging you down..."

In a lot of our meetinga here we have a saying when offering chips, especially what we call our 'desire' chip (24-hr chip)....we ask if anyone would like one, or trade a wet one in for a dry one (at which time all other chips that the person may have accumulated may be turned in also).....therefore no lead weights........


(o:
NoelleR

This is part of my situation...I don't declare that I have quit so there is no possibility of lying about my sober time - if I tell my wife I quit, what will the conversation be like if I choose to drink again - and will this put her on 'high alert' any time I am drinking.

I frequently go 3-4 days w/o, generally though I drink on the weekends. What I am working on currently is whether or not I am able to 'not drink for awhile' - whatever that means.

I don’t ever remember lying here on SR, however, I have relapsed twice since joining, and I certainly would not put it past me when I am in that mode. Early in my IOP treatment I definitely did lie about my drinking.

Where am I today? In the present I am pretty darned honest. If you ask me, “How are you?” I’ll likely tell you I am fine whether or not that is true, but as far as where I am, what I am doing, and how I am doing it, I am going to give you a straight answer. There may be many things that I am not being honest with myself about, however, these are the sort of things I will not know until I find them.

I am also pretty honest about the past, but a little wary of the inertia of personal history. I won’t lie about the past, but I may not be entirely ready to share either. It is completely contextual, depending on who you are and why you want to know.

And then there is the future. That is a sticky wicket if there ever was one. Can you lie about something you have not done? There are lots of philosophical cubby holes here that don’t really mean much in the end, other than to point out the limitations of language.

I think that honesty is a by-product of recovery and not a primary method for recovery. It is after all entirely possible, though unusual, to be an honest drunk.

I've never lied in AA--only been to one meeting. I've definitely lied (or ommitted) in person, but on here I don't lie. I just become silent. Like now.

I totally get that lieing about it is really lieing to myself. But I'm okay with that. I am lieing to myself. That's how I can avoid doing something about this. Once I stop kidding myself, or deluding myself, or whatever, I will have to buck up.

Wouldn't want that, now would we?

Isn't lieing part of the syndrome?

I don't want to derail this thread, so I'll just mention that you are correct on both the "one day at a time" (which comes from the serenity prayer) and on the approach of the original members, at least as far as the first group in Akron was concerned.

Relapse was not considered an option. I posted about this in the 12-Step Alcoholism forum:

Relapse and AA Group No. 1, Akron, Ohio, 1940