Yes , I lied about it often and believing at some level that it was true.

I guess I just wanted it to be true, wanted the reward without actually doing it.



L

I got off to a very rocky start in AA. I made my first meeting on July 6 which was a Tuesday. I "white-knuckled) until that Friday when I (stupidly) thought that I wanted to go sing kareoke and that I could do so without drinking.

Some friends at the bar saw that I was only drinking Diet Coke and decided that there must be a problem going on that needed solving so they poured me a drink and I did what came naturally, I drank it. I had several.

The next day July 10 I traded in my wet desire chip for a dry one and admitted what I had done. I continued to make a meeting every day but was drinking after I got home. I felt like a total P.O.S. and kept writing July 10 in the book intending to change it and fess up again but it just kept going. Then I got the bright idea to just stop writing a date and was challenged by a "nosy" member several times. I started writing it again.

My "temporary sponsor" (who ironically became my mother-in-law) saw that it had been almost 30 days since the date I kept writing and got excited that I was going to be getting my month chip. I felt like such a dirtbag that I knew there was no way in heck I was going to lie to the point of getting that chip.

Finally, 28 days after my last desire chip I came clean with the group AGAIN and picked up what I pray is my last desire chip August 8. I had waited until 2 days before my supposed first month came up. Talk about last minute LOL! When I share about it in meetings now I tell people that the only thing I did RIGHT in beginning was just to keep coming back.

Take care,
Kellye

Nope...never lied. It is what it is.

Pathologically.

I even started a new SN here because I couldn't bring myself to say I screwed up once again.

no more.