Welcome back!

Sorry you are going through a rough time. Support for yourself would help I think. I used to be full of self loathing too...now I find myself surprisingly likeable....You can too:)

we are all human.
pain is the touchstone of spiritual growth..
we can learn our lessons and go on to the next ,or we can sit the exam over and over again ,until we finally learn our lesson.
for me it was an endless cycle of drink feel like crap recover for a few weeks then start the whole vicious cycle again. on and on and on.
there comes a point in our lives when we stop drinking.. either we die or we sober up and grow up..and face life on life's terms...
it is very hard for us...but we have choices ???sober up .locked up or covered up.
which one do you want?
be kind to yourself and know that you are the most important person in your life...
if you loose yourself then you have lost everything

I know how you feel
 

Alcohol provides us an avenue to run away from all of our problems . . . except the results of using alcohol. Which usually causes all of our problems. <sigh> :headbange The only way to win at that game is not to play.

Just woke up to the first morning in what feels like forever that I am not hating myself for taking even one drink the night/day/morning before. Thanks to everyone for helping me out last night.

It will hit again at 5:00 tonight... and I hope it's easier than last night was. At least it's a work week and not the weekend. Sometimes on a weekend I start in as early as 9:00 a.m. Sometimes.

I never understood "progressive." I do now.

Thank you, Everyone. Will be back later.

Congrats on making it to Day 2!

At the end...I drank most mornings....I shudder at the memory today. Sending positive thoughts your way!

You're really strong to give it up. This is something to be happy and proud about. Look forward to the future and take it one day at a time. :) We believe in you!

We'll be here when you log in at 5! Take care, sweetie. Hang in there. You can do this.

Much love.

Welcome ARB! I know what you mean about 'it will hit about 5 tonight'. I'm the same way. I feel great about it all day and then when evening comes I get anxious and my mind starts telling me that I really don't have a problem with alcohol and I can drink a few if I want, that it won't hurt me unless I overdo it, etc. and on and on. It makes me feel crazy. AA meetings make all the difference to me, and I also like reading recovery books and listening to speakers. There's a site with speakers who talk about their recovery, it's excellent. I found it in the 12 step section under alcoholics.
Your children will notice right away that you aren't drinking, so logging on and posting here may not be something you need to hide from them.
I am pulling for you! Hang in there until it gets better.

So glad you made it though! Now it's on to day 2... YAY! Remember it's literally 1 minute / 1 hour / 1 day at a time.

I understand the feeling of not wanting anyone around you to see what you are doing on the computer. I went through that at first, but after some time sober I realized that I wasn't ashamed of my joyous life change. So try if you can to get on at 5pm when your worst enemy (our minds sometimes) begins to invade you with thoughts of picking up. We are ALWAYS here for you! :)

Somehow, somehow, somehow.... I have made it through the worst of Day 2! I wish I felt happy and excited. Mostly I feel depressed and sad and then more and more depressed and sad that I FEEL that way. Seems like I have felt this way forever and my kids are old enough to notice. I wanted to log in SO badly all day today but couldn't find the right opportunity.

I so hope that what I am experiencing is withdrawal and that this depression will lift. I can't imagine living the rest of my life feeling like this.

Thanks for helping me make it through Day 2, if only in knowing you all were out there, somewhere, battling this same freaking demon.

Awesome, ARB. Wonderful job!

You may already know this, but alcohol causes a deficiency in B vitamins (as well as other nutrients), which is linked to depression....... So one easy thing to try is to get a good vitamin B complex......

And remember that you're still going through withdrawals, too............. I had to look at it like I had a case of the flu; sometimes the only way out is through, as they say......

Congrats on day 2 - hope things start to improve soon.

"Drink, fight, hate, break-up... a toxic relationship, to be sure, but one a partner has to drink to be in."

Wow this jumped out at me. I understand this. I know a few others here do too. I was never sure if I drank so much to be able to stand his drunken @ss or was I drinking because I stayed in the toxic relationship so long that I had lost all self esteem..All I know is after awhile it was like we were in competition to keep up with each other drink for drink. Pure insanity. I am so happy you made it through day 2! I want to tell you that once I got out of this 25 yrs of hell I let myself stay in..My self esteem and peace of mind returned. AND once I was on the "other" side of it I began to understand the role I played in this sick banter. I feel content now and I haven't had that in a long time..I wish that for you as well. We are good people that DESERVE to be well and happy. Glad you came back.

This literally describes where I was 4 and a half months ago. I am so sorry you are going through this, I can promise you I have been there. AA worked for me. When I went to meetings the hope I felt kind of washed me clean. For the first time in years I didn't feel so ashamed to be me. I still have tough days, had one today as a matter of fact, but I DO NOT HATE MYSELF ANYMORE.

I wish you the best and you can come out of this. My alcoholism progressed to a point where I had to make a decision. I had to find another way or I was doomed. I have found another way and you can to. Just hang in there!!!

Yeah, that "progressive" thing is a b****. Funny thing, it goes on without you - so you don't even get to start where you left off! You start again where you would have been if you hadn't quit! We think that we'll "start over", get that glowy feeling, have fun, forget all the crap - but nope. We've used up our chances for that. So, hug yourself for making it to Day 2. GOOD JOB!!!!

I'm proud of you for getting back here, and I feel blessed to be here when you did! Thank you for coming in and helping us also!

I was right where you are just a few weeks ago. Hang tight because this is do-able, though it's hard at first. It does get easier. ((((hugs))))

Wow. This one jumped out at me. Thank you.

Reply to All: It is now Day Four and while I am feeling a little better, I have a thick, grey brain-fog and can barely speak! I also have a cold and that may be part of it, but I think it is still withdrawal, mostly.

I am feeling a little stronger emotionally. Went to the store the other night for cold medicine and actually PUT DOWN THE NYQUIL because it contains alcohol. Seriously? I used to shake me head and roll my eyes at recovering alcoholics who refused Nyquil. I understand, now, I think. I don't want the poison in me at all... not even in an "innocent" form.

I had no hope a few days ago. Hopelessness from a long-term trauma, ugly divorce... worsened by the tonic I used to soothe the pain. My hope as I understand it today... as I understood it today... my hope now is to be the me I was born to be, chemical free. I need to conquer this demon (or at least cage it), quit smoking and quit caffeine. For me. I want to see who I AM without chemicals. I don't even want to take Chantix to help me with the smoking. I no longer want freaking anti-depressents screwing with my synapsis..... I want to find out what it feels like to actually be without a drug in my system.

In time. First things first. This. This poison. I am allowing myself a .5 Xanax at bedtime to help me sleep through the first few weeks.... I am going to do this. I am going to do this.

I CAN DO THIS. <Mantra>

Thank you all.

These initial waves crash in the hardest, ARB. But yes...YOU CAN DO THIS!

Arb..just stopping by to check in on you..did you have a good day today?