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Old 04-18-2011, 05:48 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Support Needed Badly


I haven't logged in since Sept. 2010. Today is Day One and I am having a really hard time with this. Any and all support would be appreciated. I've already broken down in tears once tonight.
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Old 04-18-2011, 05:51 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I'm very new to all of this and I'm not sure I'm the best one to give advice. Hang in there, can you get to a meeting? I'm sure it's scary but you've taken the first step and you should be very proud of that.
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Old 04-18-2011, 05:55 PM   #3 (permalink)
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ARB, keeping logging on hun, lots of great people & support here for you. Helps on its way.
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Old 04-18-2011, 05:56 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Thanks. I'm really struggling right now. The emotional rollercoaster is knocking my socks off. Thanks, thanks, thanks for posting..... I'm trying so hard not to cry.

Have never been to a meeting as the one needing to be there.
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Old 04-18-2011, 05:58 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Have kidlings to tend to right now... will be back as soon as I can. I am so filled with self-hatred it is unfreaking believable. Booze is the only thing that quiets this nasty beast. Or at least it was. Now I gotta figure out something else and I have no freaking idea what that is going to be.
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Old 04-18-2011, 06:02 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Welcome back....

Are you trying to de tox from alcohol?
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Old 04-18-2011, 06:02 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Welcome back ARB, thank you for sharing, cry away, it's good for you, we've hidden our emotions so long behind drugs and alcohol, it's a good sign to let those feelings go.

As hard as it is, I try to welcome the depression and know they are other people out there feeling the same way I do and one day it will turn around. Somebody said once, "Sometimes you're behind and sometimes you're ahead the race is long but in the end it's only with yourself".

Take it slow, one minute at a time if you have to, take a bath and listen to music, you will make it.

Good luck
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Old 04-18-2011, 06:03 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I'm so sorry you're having a rough time. Life is already stressful enough and then to have to struggle with addiction just makes it all the more difficult. Just remember how important you are and that you need to stay strong for you. Some one just told me those same words 2 days ago because i too was struggling with the emotional rollercoaster. Everyday is a struggle unfortunately but with time it'll get easier. All the best to you and if you ever need anything let me know <3
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Old 04-18-2011, 06:09 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Hang in there- I'm new myself, so I have some idea what you might be going through. Don't feel embarrassed about having to come back- you know that many of us have relapsed (I have a number of times). It's not easy, but it's better than the alternative.
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Old 04-18-2011, 06:29 PM   #10 (permalink)
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It is hard. Don't underestimate the severity. Hopefully, if you are detoxing you have consulted a dr.? Hopefully, your anxious upsetting feelings will subside in some time. You just have to ride it out a couple days. You'll feel alot better in time. Really. I know it doesn't feel like it right now but you can do this.
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Old 04-18-2011, 06:32 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I feel very sad for you and hope this will pass quickly. I really hate the early days of getting sober. It feels so horrible, but peace and normality is a few days around the corner. hang in there and keep posting
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Old 04-18-2011, 06:34 PM   #12 (permalink)
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ARB, I know the self-loathing feeling. And, you will be surprised how it will begin to change when you start to recover. I never thought it would.

Hang in there, and try to read here once you get the kids settled.
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Old 04-18-2011, 06:36 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Welcome back ARB

Please don't hesitate to get medical assistance if you need it.

It is hard and it is scary - but you're not alone - we understand.

Support was the thing that turned things around for me - really plug yourself in here, and maybe think about finding real life support as well - you won't be the only drinker with kids to consider...if Aa's what you're thinking, perhaps ring your local AA hotline to see if there's meetings with child care or something similar?

You can do this
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Old 04-18-2011, 06:40 PM   #14 (permalink)
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I feel for you, ARB..... For me, the emotional/mental bottom was so hard. I know it's impossible to think positive right now, but it will come - if you don't pick up that drink.

Get help with detox if you need to. You're worth it and you don't have to live like this anymore. We've all been there, so please don't beat yourself up.:ghug3
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Old 04-18-2011, 07:15 PM   #15 (permalink)
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hi arb and welcome back.
i guess everyone of us can relate?
i certainly can.....day one the day we quit is horrendous.

i think that is why i drank longer than i should when i binged because i knew how horrible day one was going to be..so i put it off as long as possible.....
i feel for you.i know how awful you feel.
BUT in a couple of days all the remorse and guilt and impending doom will subside and you will start to feel normal again....this time next week you will feel much better and much more hopeful about the future.
hang in there and be strong we are all here for you
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Old 04-18-2011, 07:19 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Just got a chance to come back. Thanks so much to all who were kind enough to post. My daughter just went up to take her shower.... I don't want the kids to see me posting on this site.

Yes, to one poster: Alcohol. Supposed to quit smoking in a week, too. I'm not good with change, I'm a creature of habit... and I am pretty deeply seated in addiction, I guess. Never thought I would begin to crave alcohol like I do a cigarette.

I am not in a "relapse," so to speak. I just never quit and stopped posting here awhile back. Got back with the ex again, probably, and that's what we do. Drink, fight, hate, break-up... a toxic relationship, to be sure, but one a partner has to drink to be in.

We are not together right now but he said such hurtful, nasty things to me last night (completely unrelated to drinking) .... I drove around and cried and cried and wanted to drink myself to death.

I think what brings me here tonight... what is forcing this Day One.... is last night's drive and the sickening feeling I have that I have lost all joy in life.... that drinking is what distorts my mind into thinking my ex and I can "work it out...." that drinking and burying my feelings is what is keeping them with me and dictating my life, which has become NOTHING more than "Same $hit, different day."

I ate. Drank a glass of milk. Took a vitamin. Will take a hot shower and retire early.

I WILL MAKE IT ONE DAY WITHOUT A DRINK, Dang It. I have to. And then, I hope, another. And another. I will log in as much as possible (hard to do when one doesn't want anybody to see)....and pray and pray and pray (now that I'm finally losing my anger at God).... and cry and cry and cry and get even bigger puffy eyes so my ex can make more fun of me.

:-( Sound like a true whiner, no?

Thank you again. Everybody. I am feeling a teensy bit better, probably because I know I am an hour or so away from going to bed and not having to fight my mind every freaking nano-second. It's exhausting.
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Old 04-18-2011, 07:21 PM   #17 (permalink)
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I think I may have asked this before... but we can't change our user name, can we? I may delete this account and come up with something farther removed.......
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Old 04-18-2011, 07:24 PM   #18 (permalink)
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BUT in a couple of days all the remorse and guilt and impending doom will subside and you will start to feel normal again....this time next week you will feel much better and much more hopeful about the future.
hang in there and be strong we are all here for you
I am so hoping it will only be a couple of days. The remorse and guilt and impending doom you refer to is SO TRUE and SO AWFUL. I hate this INSTANT TEARS feeling every other second, too. Tears, anger, shame, remorse, tears, anger, shame, remorse... hopelessness, sadness... gloom. Sigh.
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Old 04-18-2011, 07:27 PM   #19 (permalink)
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I think I may have asked this before... but we can't change our user name, can we? I may delete this account and come up with something farther removed.......
You can PM a moderator and ask them to change it for you. Many people have done that.
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Old 04-18-2011, 07:33 PM   #20 (permalink)
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back!!!
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