F****G idiot idiot stupid f**k - Sorry guys
 

Day 6

Everything was going so well - I was starting to feel really good, actually went for a bike ride this morning (something I haven't done for almost 2 yrs), appetite is back big style, no sleeping tablets required, the dog hides when I put my walking shoes on, wife now pretends to have a headache at bedtime!!!

Because I went cold turkey (after a one month planned tapering), I kept a bottle of vodka since last Thursday just in case **** happend.

I told myself at the weekend that today, it would go down the sink - I don't need or want this anymore.

So - 20 minutes ago I had great pleasure in opening the bottle and started pouring it down the sink, almost halfway down and the angle on the bottle started to shallow. This happened without any concious thought from me and the pouring stopped with about 1/3rd bottle left.

It seemed like one final drink to say goodbye would be OK - can you believe it!!

I poured a glass (2 or 3 shots) and drank it as I finished emptying the rest down the sink.........................

I feel so guilty, I can't believe I did that. I know the little monster inside me is has wet himself laughing so much at my weakness.

I was so pleased at the beginning of this week to post my 4 day's free and so lucky that after a long time drinking my withdrawl was a cushy ride compared to some. The support and words of encouragement form this site was fantastic (paddyb - get a life LOL).

I really thoght I was in control, the worst is over - or was. Maybe I needed this to show me I am not as strong as I thought I was, or the little monster is stronger than I thought it was??

I keep putting my head in my hands, shaking my head, sighs of disbelief!!

It's pouring with rain but, like it or not dog we're going for a walk - I need to get my head straight.

:c004::c004::c004::c004:

Sorry to hear that, but at least that bottle is gone now. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back on it, you can do it!

I should have binned that bottle on Monday like you said!!

Don't worry about the should'ves, could'ves, and would'ves......just move on, remember how bad you feel now, and learn from it! You can do this!!

Do not be too hard on yourself.
Alcohol addiction is cunning, powerful and baffling.
I myself can not have any alcohol in the house as I know how easy it is to be tempted.
I often hear in meetings how people have picked up drinks without even a concious thought.
Unfortunately that little bit of alcohol will set off those little monsters in your head. They want you to keep drinking but remember you are stronger than them. Do not give in to them.
Every day you are free from alcohol you will get stronger... it is a steep learning curve sometimes. This being one of those times... we all make mistakes, just remember to learn something from it... no more alcohol in the house. ( I learnt this one the hard way too )
Stay sober, a beautiful life awaits you... you are worth it.

Also Studio, come join us in the March playroom...I mean class of March 2011, sometime. :) There is tons of fun going on there!

Studio,

Not sure how much or how long you used alcohol, but regardless at Day 6 most folks in recovery aren't necessarily known for making great decisions yet....don'y worry about it !! Its not perfection, but rather progress thats important. Besides the booze is gone now !!

Well you said good bye. It's over now right?

Seems like this was a good lesson and now you can get back on track. Don't beat yourself up over it.

LOL I have to laugh because my dogs have been hiding, too!
They say "OH NO...NOT AGAIN!!!"
Ya know what? Despite it all...you are still human...your mind is still thinking and heart is still beating. You had the chance to make a choice and you made a choice. You learned from this choice and next time you will think differently. Lesson learned. No mistakes only learning expereinces.

So been there. You're not alone.

When this disease got too big and nonsensical for me, I got some help from AA. I've been sober more than a year now but I could never do this on my own.

On my own I'd just keep pulling insane stunts like that one.

Guys

thanks for all your messages of support - lesson learned!!

Yes, mistakes can be an opportunity for growth. This is what I'd call an AFGO.....Another F@#$ing growth opportunity. ;)

Ron

Perfect example of how powerful alcohol really is. Even when we think the last thing we want is a drink, we do it anyways.

Glad the alcohol is gone. I hope you find a program to help you deal with the urge to drink in the future. Because the urges WILL come again, I guarantee it.

Alcohol isn't powerful, but our craving brain is. I feel bad Studio, I know I told you to give the bottle away or toss it out, but I should have told you to break it in your back yard.

Hey Studio

Some great advice here...maybe try looking at it not as something to beat yourself with, but a learning experience about how committed we have to be :)

D

Echoing others' feedback...lesson learned and move on as quickly as you can. Good luck!

studio, for what it's worth I wouldn't have let the 2-3 shots be it. It would've been the whole bottle, and then I'd be going out for another bottle. Off I'd go into lala land for a week or two. You didn't do that - you poured it out. You're making progress, & learned something valuable. It's going to be ok.

Good encouragement Hevyn! Sounds like me a year or so ago. Studio- you're good, dont beat yourself up as I saw earlier. Just dont buy or get around anymore for a while. Just my 2 cents..
Peace and Love
Dub

Learning Experience
 

Yes, don't beat yourself up - my counsellor told me that alkies usually have to try many times to "get to 1 year sobriety".

Kelly

Hang in there, studio. It was a bad day, but its over. Which means tomorrow can be better. Peace.