Al Anon or AA?
 

I'm new to this whole recovery thing and I am not sure where I fit in. I could be an alcoholic myself, but most of my drinking is pretty easily controlled when I'm not with my husband. I'm lucky in some ways and lost in others.

I enable him to drink and it has created some big problems in our life. Both my young adult sons have had DUI's, abuse alcohol, or have abused alcohol. My teenage daughter has been ridiculed and singled out by teachers and parents for our sons horrible antics. She is to the point she says she doesn't care anymore, and I caught her sampling my beer in a shot glass with a friend one night. At that point I quit keeping beer in the refrigerator and now only buy unrefriderated six packs when I do want a beer at home. I don't drink when we go out unless I am not driving which is once or twice a year. My husband and I still drink at home on evenings when know we don't have to drive. Which is more often for him since I do all the weekend driving so he will "cook" dinner while finishing 4 or 5 bourbons a night. We like to decompress together over drinks about the financial stress and job stress we both face.

My job is stop and go and is extremely project oriented. When a project is over or in the stop and hold your breath faze I want a beer at night to calm my nerves. Sometimes one turns into 4 or even 6 when I get to the end of the project and have all day to relax. Then I get alarmed and reign it in until the next round of stress sneaks up on me. His job also has him entertaining clients and drinking at events almost every evening he is out of town. He has learned to choose his venues close to his hotel so he doesn't have to drive. He has had a DUI too that almost ended his career.

I miss the days I didn't drink at all. These were the days when the kids were small and my work was more predictable with less financial strain. These were also the days when I was single and more driven and had only to organize myself.

My husband was so fun and cute when we met. We always drank socially when we were together. Eventually I became pregnant from one of those wild tear nights, but he couldn't have been more excited and we married as soon as we could. I was so dependent on him. I would grieve when he would leave me to go to work. It was ridiculous during that first year of marriage how much we wanted to be together. Then all his secrets started unraveling and I realized we would have to work hard to make our life together work and we have. We still enjoy each other when we relax and have a drink or six together, but the spark has faded quite a bit and I have a lot of resentments I hold back as he does as well I'm sure. So back to my original question.

Where do I belong in this recovery thing? What meetings should I be seeking out? How much should I involve my teenage daughter?

I have gone to one Al Anon meeting. It was ok, but I realized I couldn't talk about my alcoholic spouse without feeling guilty about drinking with my husband. My son actually became my main focus in the meeting. He has quit drinking since then (he says), but loves his medications he is on for ADHD, depression, epilepsy, and a recent surgery. My other son is still in his party phase and doesn't think he has a problem eventhough he has had 2 DUI's already. Needless to say the stress around here is thick when we are all together, and I know I need a support group. I'm just not sure which one.

Why not both?:) Go to AA for yourself and AlAnon for your husband and kids. We also have a friends and family forum for people with loved ones who are alcoholics. Give it a look. And welcome to SR.:hug:

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I am with least... both.

Let me suggest that you continue to look at your own relationship with alcohol and get your head around that... Maybe just stop drinking altogether and see where that takes you...

There are a few "double winners" (that's what they say, not trying to be mean) on the board here, maybe they'll have some experience that they can share...

Welcome...

There are a lot of "double winners" around. If you feel you want to focus on one thing at a time, I suggest starting with AA. The Twelve Steps are the same for both groups, and a lot of the tools are similar.

Powerlessness over alcohol is common to AA and Al-Anon. We are not only powerless over alcohol in our own lives but also powerless over other people's drinking. Al-Anon doesn't teach you how to get someone else sober--it helps you to learn to detach from the effects of someone else's drinking.

Good luck, and I hope you begin you recovery somewhere!

Go to numerous meetings of whatever types you feel may help YOU!!

It is generally suggested you try several meetings as they do differ.

Make it about YOU!

And CONGRATS on having the courage to come here seeking insight and help!

Thanks for the encouragement and the welcome. I will try some different meetings. I know too many stories about AA from relatives who have gone, but I felt like a hypocrite when I was in Al Anon. Trying several meetings and looking for the right group is the key. I just have a very tight schedule with two jobs and very active kids/young adults. Was hoping to save some time. Anything worthwhile must be difficult otherwise anybody and everybody would do it.

Welcome beerless

Good advice here I think :)
I hope we can help you turn things around

D

Many do find AA thru the rooms of Al-anon.

Are you familiar with the 20 questions of AA?

When I was at the International Convention in San Antonio last year, one of the speakers at one of the Big Meetings talked a little bit about his wife, and how grateful he was for her support. Then he said, "God bless the Al-Anons--we get a lot of 'transfers' from over there."

It got a BIG laugh. :)

I am glad that you are here seeking support.

Lots of us are more than one , or 'double' winners....

some of us... win every time we turn around!

Welcome!