Please allow me to introduce myself
 

I am a long time lurker on this site and decided to join.

I'm 27 years old with approximately 14 years of drinking experience give or take. I was sober for 13 days until last night. I drank about 20 beers last night which is the norm for me and I am going to start my sober streak again today. I am a binge drinker. I do not drink everyday. In fact I usually drink once maybe twice a week. But when I do drink it is massive amounts. I also drink by myself a lot. I go out to bars every once in a while but not lately. I just love getting drunk and listening to music and smoking cigs. I can't believe myself sometimes. I am more of a beer drinker. I also ate a bunch of spaghetti last night and had a huge throw up session. Guess it got a lot of the alcohol out of me b/c I did not feel that bad this morning. I passed out right after that. I am just sick of my repulsive drinking behavior. I have done some ****** thinks while drunk. Let me list some of things that I have done:

1. DUI
2. Cussed out my dad over the phone
3. Fallen down stairs
4. Flipped my SUV when I was 15 after drinking a bunch of screwdrivers.
5. Gone to jail for Breach of Peace twice.
6. Gotten in some fights and got my ass kicked in some
7. Blacked out on numerous occasions.
8. Kicked out of bars
9. Lost friends
10. Gone to work hungover and still felt drunk
11. Thrown tantrums
12. Said so much stuff while drunk that I regret to this day
13. Posted/texted dumb stuff
14. So many drunken calls

There is probably a lot more but I can't think of at the moment but probably because I was blacked out.

I'm just sick of it! I hate hate hate hangovers. They are the worst! I have wasted days from just one drinking session. I have been hungover for days in some instances. It is unreal. It is depressing and I would love to stop completely.

I think the main reason that I am a problem drinker is b/c I started at such a young age and during those young teenage years I would drink to get drunk period. And that often meant drinking lots and over time tolerance grew and grew until it just got out of hand. Alcoholism is very progressive. I always drank more than all of my friends and I took pride in that. So stupid.

Well, anyways I will continue to try and fight against drinking, but it's gonna be very difficult. I don't know what to do with my free time now and feel like I won't be able to have fun and have a social life. Oh well.

Right after your title I expected to read "... I'm a man of wealth and taste.";)




Welcome to the family.:hug: I think it's a good thing that you've decided to get sober so young. You can undo some of the damage to your physical and mental health because of stopping before you went any further.

As to what you'll do sober... it does seem at first that we'll never be able to do anything without alcohol, but it didn't turn out that way for me. Whatever I do now, I do it sober and enjoy it so much more. I also feel good enough again to be able to do a lot of things; things I was too drunk or too sick to do before. And just waking up not feeling like death warmed over is reward enough to stay sober one day at a time.:)

You'll find a lot of support here.

Welcome!

I'm glad you have decided to live a sober life.

And, there are lots of things to do, just give yourself a little time to adjust.

Welcome to SR :)

You'll find a lot of support here. Early on, what worked for me was taking things one day at a time. It was a lot of adjustment but the payoff has been incredible.

Welcome to SR and congrats on doing something about this when you are still young! There is a ton of information on this site and we are all here to support each other.

Welcome to SR and to sobriety. I am also 27 and I have LOTS OF FUN! I never would have believed that but I have 84 days sober and my life is fun....so much so that I wonder why I thought it was fun while I was drinking!

People use lots of different mechanisms to get and stay sober.....for me, AA was the only thing that worked but SR has also been helpful and I know lots of people here have gotten sober and stayed that way outside AA.

Stick around, it is super helpful!

Hi DownWDisease :)
Welcome - you'll find a lot of support here :)

You can do this - the fear is natural, but there's a life after drinking - and the folks here are the proof :)

I still have a social life - my free time is well sorted out with things to do and I still have loads of fun - I finally worked out being a jackass, falling over, being sick, and getting in all manner of strife wasn't really fun at all.

Look forward to seeing you around
D

Thank you everybody for your support! It means a lot! I hope to become a regular around here. :biggthump

Welcome to our recovery community.....:wavey:

Reading your post and list makes me
think you are not having
much fun from drinking anyway.

Glad you are here...many of us are winning
over alcohol...and so can you...:yup:

Welcome! I have done many of those things too, as I'm sure most of us have.

Thanks for sharing!

PS. Really Least? I expected to hear "My name is Humpty, pronounced with a Umpty" :)

Welcome to SR! You will find a lot of support here. Good luck and keep us posted.

Welcome DownWDisease,

I can identify with your experience, a lot of your story is very similar to mine, I have about 8 years on you though and my disease progressed to the point of everyday drinking. For over 15 years, I was a few times a week binge drinker. I can never have just a couple, I always had to be DRUNK. This is a progressive disease and the things that are common, loss of family, job and eventually death is inevitable if continued. It just hasn't happened "Yet". I came up with every justification possible to dilute myself into thinking I was not powerless and an alcoholic, though deep down I knew I was a long, long time ago. I reached the point where I was ready and hit some lows where I thought I was done. It doesn't have to get to that point. Things that are working for me are doing the 12 steps, and thoroughly and living them everyday. I never was able to maintain any measurable success in recovery until I knew I was powerless and I needed help other than myself. You are going in the right direction. :)

There is a great paradigm, it is not until we surrender until we are free from the clenches of addiction.

BB Quote: "We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle."

I was under that false pretense as well, fighting everyone and everything, alcohol included. Once we cease to fight it and let go of resentments, selfishness, fear, guilt, remorse we are then free. Having a HP has done for me what I could not do for myself and I am so grateful every day for this blessing.

Hi Down W,
I did a quick check. Go to http/attractions.uptake.com/south_carolina.html
If you are worried about filling your time, you grab a sister, your mom,anyone and you do a daytrip every day you are off!
No money? What about the drink money?
No time? You said too much time!
No transport? Bus!
I think it is fantastic that you are young enough to get your whole life turned around and you haven't done a lot of the things people manage to pack in to 30, 40, 50 yrs!
Smashed up, wrecked, marriages/children/careers/health/families/friendships.
You will have a tough time at the beginning but when you have licked this SOB, you will be a new man and so much happier. I am excited for you!
Go on, go find AA. check out different meetings. The thing about AA, is you would find yourself befriending the 85yr old guy coz he is just so damn funny! There are a lot of young peole now coming in as they start younger like you and more awareness. Thank God!

there is hope
 

i feel your frustration of being sick and tired of being sick and tired. i read that you find yourself with a lot of free time on your hands. the most important thing i did with my free time for the first 3 months (and still am at 119 days clean and sober) is i went to an AA meeting every day. sometimes 2 a day. i found it to be my lifeline. now my closest friends are in my meeting and i am having no problems with cravings. i have replaced the desire to drink with AA. i hope you will try a meeting. there are also online meetings here in the SR chat room. if you never tried it before, try to do things differently this time and maybe this time will be easier and different. that is my hope for you. congratulations on not giving up.

You can have a social life and fun again. It takes time to realize this, and that drinking actually wasn't fun anyway at the end of the road.

Great screenname btw. I'll be in charleston this weekend for the shows.

Please review your own list and tell us how that is having fun and could be considered a normal "social" life?

You may have to make drastic changes in your life to succeed in recovery; be willing to change, or deal with constantly repeating the cycle of binging and all the problems you recounted in your list.

Good luck,

Welcome to SR! You have support and lots of experience and information here.

This community has been an invaluable tool in my recovery.

What I can say is that I once too thought that life couldn't happen for me without alcohol. I thought there is no way, no matter how messed up my life is, that I could live a real life without booze.

Well......I am here and sober and living a healthy life my friend. I found far more meaning in life once I was sober and now I appreciate can appreciate it. I have more energy, positive outlook, willingness to attempt to new activities and start up old hobbies that I lost in those drinking years.

Glad you are here and definitely know that sobriety is attainable....it is yours for the taking. So many of us here are proof of that.

Looking forward to the journey!

augustwest,

Have fun in Charleston man! I wish I could go but I have some other things going on unfortunately.

Yeah I thought my screen name was appropriate for what I hope to accomplish!

I know right. That list is not fun. At all. It has gone on for far too long. I am at day 2. I know I will not have any urges/craving until about 2 weeks in and then that is when the challenge is going to come in, but I know I can say no.

Thanks for your support!

Hey Holly,

I may try AA. Not sure if i can quit by myself or not. I will give it a shot!

I feel like you wrote my story there. Everything you wrote I can relate to. I drank on the weekends, but it was never enough. Thats what i love about SR you can relate to so many people.

As for the fun and no social life, it becomes easier. I know that's what I thought, me being young (almost 24), I thought what am I going to do now? I've been out and about since I've gotten sober and I enjoy it so much more. I remember the night and I can also be happy that I'm not that girl anymore. My definition of fun no longer includes alcohol, I've realized that my version of "fun" with alcohol was far from fun. It may have been fun in the beginning till it started controlling me and from that I acted very irresponsible and done some messed up things.

Maybe you should write down that list you wrote here and when a difficult time comes, pull it out and read it, tell yourself is that is really what you want. Also realize that it may seem like a good decision at the moment to pick up a drink, but that decision could leave you in a dark hole for a long time. So I'd get out while I can, because it isn't going to get any better if you decide to continue to abuse alcohol. Ask around and I don't think there would be anyone that admitted they have a problem with alcohol who went back and used, and said, "Hey that was fun, that was the best decision I've made!". Ultimately, your sobriety is dependent on you and what you decide to put into it.. So with that keep posting and welcome to SR!

will do! i would encourage you to give AA, or some kind of help a shot. It very hard and not enjoyable in my experience to do this alone. and when you get some time and things are going well in recovery know that there are tons of us at the shows and on tour.

the phellowship is a clean & sober group of phans who meet at setbreak of every show to share our ES&H of recovery. Only requirement for membership is a desire to see phish clean & sober. One show at a time!

Welcome to the site :) Maybe if I'd gotten my act together 6 months ago instead of a few weeks, I'd be heading to SC. Oh well, incentive to stay sober! I've never heard of the phellowship... neato!!

ahhh, i've been wondering if you were fee the buddhist prodigy, long past the age of maturity....

was gonna ask a few days ago. helloooo phanner!

Down, first of all, welcome. You could have written my biography. But, now, I'm 53, which means, for a long time, I was a "weekend Warrior!" But then the need-it-every-day-just-to-maintain crap set in. Oh, it wasn't just beer, it was anything I could get. Beer, wine, vodka, scotch, tequila, etc. etc. Then the drugs. Not much I didn't try (except heroin)

The disease can and will grab you and take you down, and it won't let go. I would advise to see your doctor. Let him know what's going on. Detox can be rough, I needed help with meds to go thru mine. 41 days now. And I don't even look back. No need to.

SR is a great resource, if you don't like the AA meetings in your area, (like I don't) then try an NA meeting. You need a support group. Best of luck. It wont be easy, but, it is well worth the ride!

Welcome DWD and have fun in Charleston augustwest.

It's good to see a few phans in this thread. I do not plan on going to one for a while. I need a few months before I will be safe. Maybe I will be ready by spring tour. When I make it that far it will be a lot cheaper to go than it has been in the past.

This thread made me think of blacking out at the Greek on Thursday night while my friend was looking for me. He does not drink and was driving around trying to find me. He was talking to me on the phone and asked where I was. My response was "on the corner of here and there". I was about a mile and a half from the venue. Somehow he found me sitting at a bus stop with a 12 pack of sierra in one hand and an open beer in the other. I woke up the next morning in the car at about 7:00am. I also fell down at some point and walked with a limp the rest of the weekend. I hope to never do that again.

another phanner! HELLO! and congrats on the best decision you'll ever make for yourself. as far as shows go, i went to a trey show at 60 days clean and saw phish right at 5 months. friday night will be my 11th clean and sober phish show. don't go until you're ready. nothing is more important than staying clean.

thanks augustwest. I understand not to go to shows until I am ready after a few failed attempts at sobriety. I keep trying to talk myself into seeing 1 Widespread Panic show this weekend, but I am nervous how it will turn out. I know that I will get into something based on the people I know and the environment. At least the shows are being filmed in HD video and I will be able to watch them from the comfort of my couch next week. I think that this is the best option for me right now based on past experiences.