The key to staying sober
 

I’ve been in recovery for about 10 months now. However, I am 8 days sober. I have had troubles staying sober. With the last relapse, I have had many suggestions as to what I needed to now do to stay sober. The frustrating part is that everyone’s got their own opinion: go to A.A. meetings, work the steps, engage in fellowship, commit to service positions, just don’t drink, prayer, meditation, honesty, be consistent with meds, proper nutrition, exercise, etc.

Chances are, all of these things help somebody stay sober, but I’m trying to focus on one or a few so I don’t relapse again. Is there a solution that works for most people and works better than all the rest? And if it’s the steps, well, I was working the steps. Perhaps being partially into the 9th step isn’t a failsafe.

Any thoughts?

AA meetings and SR have helped me a lot, but I think the real reason I haven't drank in 13 days is because my thinking changed. I experienced what I consider to be a miracle. Some people may call it "moment of clarity," or "psychic change," or "divine intervention," or "awakening" or whatever. The label doesn't matter to me. I experienced something that I believed fundamentally transformed me. I was about to drink a beer directly following a horrible experience caused by drinking, and all of a sudden it was like a lightning bolt hit me and I came to the realization that I was a crazy person who was flying out of control. Immediately, I didn't want the beer and I sought help from AA. Been to a ton of meetings, got a sponsor, reading the books and working the steps. But AA is a tool I'm using to advance my sobriety; the desire not to drink came from that inspiration I received and the conscious realization of what my drinking had cost me and what it could cost me in the future. Now if I think about a drink, I think about the horrible things that I experienced because of my alcohol use and the worse things that could happen if I do drink.

Also, prayer has been huge in my life these 13 days. Before I leave in the morning, before I hit the bed at night, and various times throughout the day when I feel I need to. But prayer is an action; the change I experienced is the cause of the desire to pray.

That could be a whole lot of rambling mumbo jumbo, but it made sense in my head as I was typing it.

Hi,

For me, I honestly think it was accepting that drinking was NOT an option. It sounds simple and maybe cliche, but once I believed that, my mind immediately started looking for other ways to deal with things. As long as I had the 'maybe' in my head, I could never see a clear way to dealing with my problems.

But, there is no one size fits all recovery method. Do whatever it takes, whatever works for you. I am not an AA person, but taking a hard look at myself, I knew instinctively what I needed. I needed a spiritual connection and I needed balance in my life.

Hi Herc

If I had a one size fits all, failsafe 100% guarantee method, I'd share it and we could all move to Facebook LOL.

But clearly what works for some of us does not work for all.

I can only share what worked for me...after a long series of calamitous years, I finally worked out I was an alcoholic and that alcohol would always work to steal my life away from me.

I've committed myself to not drinking every day for the last three years - and I've also committed myself to doing whatever I need to do to make sure I don't drink.

I've also committed myself to delving into those underlying reasons that made me drink in the first place.

Along the way I've found meaning in coming here every day and helping others, I've found meaning the first real adult relationships of my life, and I've found meaning in and exploring my spiritual side and acknowledging that maybe I'm not the font of all meaning...



Even tho it's about so much more than not drinking, all that I've gained or discovered over the last 3 years is inexorably bound to me not drinking...and continuing to do so.

I like myself - and I like myself sober - maybe it needs be no more complicated than that.

So far it's worked for me.

D

HerTRock,
I'll give you the secret to staying sober in one word:

Change.

If it could be put into one word I think this would be that one word.:)

For me it boils down to two words:

Other People.

I have to be in contact with others in recovery in one form or another.

All you minimalists make me look bad :)
all terrific answers tho.

D

Herc, I'm not getting into the debate of AA versus something else, but you mentioned enough AA 'stuff' for me to focus on that.

I'm sober in AA for a while now. It was a life changer for me. I have never seen it fail for someone that thoroughly takes the Steps and lives the principles. I mean never. And I'm pretty active in AA.

Here's how to get sober in AA. As far as AA goes, of all those suggestions, pay absolutely no attention to anything that isn't in the Big Book. Someone's 'opinion' of AA will get you killed.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but if you are asking these questions, then you are not in the middle of a 9th Step. I can tell just by the questions that the foundation is weak.

I'm sorry, it just is what it is. Find a sponsor who knows that Book and doesn't rely on their own 'opinions' of what works. Let me ask, how much time did your sponsor spend sitting down with you, each with a copy of that book open in front of you? Find a sponsor that will do that, identifying directions and actions to be taken.

Other questions. How many columns did your 4th Step have? what questions did you ask of yourself? What is the fundamental Step 2 question?

It's not a quiz, Herc, I'm just trying to see where you are at.

I love AA, but it really pisses me off sometimes when I hear things like this.

Oh, and the frustration is not at you, Herc, it's against really watered down and weak AA.

Change indeed.

Alcoholism is primarily a 'thinking' problem. Unless your thinking dramatically changes then you're just gonna end up picking up again sooner or later. Why wouldn't you if you're still exactly the same person?

Total acceptance that you're an alcoholic and that drinking only leads to jail, institutions or death. I know that to be undoubably true for me. That is simply not the case for Joe average. They ain't alcoholics so they can drink alcohol, I can't drink alcohol because I'm an alcoholic.

Untill I truly accepted that I'm an alcoholic then I didn't stand a chance. The same goes for accepting I'm also a drug addict too. This means that any drug is off-limits as I'm an addict.

I have found I have reached the stage in recovery whereby I couldn't think of anything much worse than putting a foreign chemical into my body. I don't wish to alter my mind anymore. I am happy and accept it the way it is... most of the time! haha.

A daily work in progress fundamentally underwritten by the foundation of total abstinance from alcohol and drugs 'just for today'.

stying out of bars and liquor stores is a start. Stop hanging around people that drink is another.

The key for me in those early days was to keep it in the moment. If I would have thought about not drinking for a year....I would have been overwhelmed. It was much easier for me to keep it in the moment. Just for Right Now, I'm not going to drink.

I still fall back to that, on occasion.

Herc, the way you write those thoughts, it's like you were only on the receiving end of ideas...During one of the times you were sober (not necessarily the longest time), what did you think worked well for you? I wonder if you are not staying focused on something you already know that works and keep forgetting? Did you not stay in touch mutually with people in AA?

THE key to staying sober?

I don't think I have THAT but I have found one very important key (or maybe it found me) ...and it's one that I never would have considered important before, or ever considered even possible for me...

It's having a spiritual awakening. :thinkerg:

And honestly that does not necessarily have anything to do with God or religion. It's about a Higher Power as I understand it. Period. It's about having a spiritual awakening of any kind as long as it's genuine, real to you and meaningful to you, that I think is so important and not surprisingly it's a core principal of AA and I can see why. A person who is in touch with their spirituality does not want to or need to drink or drug anymore and instead of running from what makes them so unique and special in this Universe, they can embrace it and understand it. It's my own personal spiritual awakening (the details of which are not important here though I would be glad to share them with anyone who asks) which has turned my sobriety into RECOVERY.

Yeah, this is the answer. Great post.

What works for me:
Regular NA meeting attendance
having a home group and doing service
step work
meditation- every day, twice a day
exercise
laughter
listen to and play music
try to never get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired
visualization practice
be aware of people, places, and things that are triggers and avoid them at all costs
proper nutrition
not too much caffeine or cigarettes(working on quitting cigs)
talk to and hang out with recovering friends to include my sponsor
be mindful of obsessive/compulsive behaviors not involving drugs/alcohol- this can be a path back to using so i try to pause, take 3 complete breaths, and let go of it when this happens
spend as much time outdoors as possible
as far as not drinking/drugging, only worry about today. the day's take care of themselves
be present in each moment
don't get in the vicinity of and for the love of all things sacred and beautiful, NEVER pick up a drug or drink. I don't think anyone will forcefeed me the stuff so if i don't put it in my hands i cannot get high

No, it's not. Since you are AA I feel safe in answering your question in the following way.... (This isn't the 12 step forum :))

For me, it has been to relinquish my choice to God. I don't get to choose. If I keep the choice to drink or not to drink, I may choose wrong, or I may get resentful, or self pitying.

God, or my higher power, whatever you want to call it, is, in fact... "fail safe". I am not. So I let Him run the show.

Mark

Hi Herc - I agree with Keith that the AA program, when worked diligently and per the Big Book is really effective. I'm sure Keith would catch me every now and then adding a little personal commentary beyond the BB, but I'll ask for his forgiveness :c032:

Besides all the great stuff that has been said, I think that open mindedness is key.

We have to be open to the fact that we don't have the answer ourselves, that the solution to our problem may be something that feels uncomfortable at first, that we can't do it alone.

Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingness.

Staying sober all the time is no doubt a hard task but it is a challenge so we have to deal with it so :)
My key to stay sober was my family and best friend who helped me out come out of it. Their love and dedication towards me give me a courage to fight through it.
I would suggest you to take help from your closed ones.

When I say the key to staying sober is change, I mean we have to change from the inside out. Completely, totally. We have to find out why we drank, there is a reason, and it's usually not, "Because I like the taste of beer/wine/liquor."

When we get to the root cause of why we drank, we can change, and get that personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism.