Newbie With Questions
 

Hi,

I stumbled across this forum while looking for answers to my drinking problems.

I have spent the last year stumbling in and out of aa. I have only drunk 24 days out of the last 350, but am on a 4 day drinking run at the moment.

I don't want to go back to aa if I can find another way, I just don't get the "unmanageability' "Insanity" bits.

Most of all I cannot accept that the answer to all my problems is the turn my life over to a God of my understanding.

If I don't get it, I just dont get it, its not something I can fake.

I want to be sober....I have a serious stomach disease that is compouned by drinking, but I don't seem to be able to stop.

How can this forum help someone like me?

Wombie,

Welcome! SR is a great place for education and support. Have you looked into SMART or Rational Recovery?

Love,

Lenina

Hi and Welcome!

You will find lots of support here and information too, and a variety of ways to stop drinking. I think the main thing to remember is that alcoholism is a symptom. The alcohol itself is not the problem. The problems are within you and in recovery you need to deal with those problems.

I am not an AA person, but my life was insanity and completely unmanageable. I was doing the same thing over and over again (trying to control my drinking) and expecting a different result - insanity.

Welcome!

This forum is full of great people who share their experiences and offer support for those who want to help themselves.

AA is not for everybody - it's your life and your choice to explore recovery programs that work for you. There's alot of information on alternative recovery methods throughout the forums here on SR.

Personally, I got sober with the help of a counselor who has been in recovery for a long time himself, along with having professional training in alcoholism treatment.

I don't know if you're an alcoholic. You'll see that how much or how often one drinks doesn't necessarily define someone as one - it's more about the negative consequences that alcohol has on our lives yet we still continue to drink.

The great thing about SR is that many of us here could've written your post and it's important to have support from people who understand where you're at. Look forward to hearing more from you!

Hi Womble

This forum is open to anyone is dealing, or who wants to deal, with their, or a loved one's, substance abuse :)

You'll find a lot of support here.

You'll also find a lot of people sharing their experience.

I'm not an AAer, but I've found if you approach things here by looking for whatever you can use from that collective experience, you'll be doing the very best for yourself :)

D

Thank you for the messages of support, since I posted I have had an emotional breakdown, I have only drunk for the last 4 days and its been hell.

I verbally abused my wife last night whilst drunk, I can now recall all my absurd behaviour traits that I display while I am drinking, suddenly I feel I actually am powerless, and why do I knowingly try to poison myself , Doctors have told me time over that drinking alcohol is like drinking acid as far as my stomach is concerned, doing just that proves I am insane, a sane person would not do that. My Wife was so supportive, I cried ..I told her I just can't carry on like this, I want my sober life back, so I am going to an aa meeting in an hour, I am dreading once again having to declare myself a newcomer for the 6th time in a year ...I am in so much anguish and mental pain, but I just HAVE to go.

Am I doing the right thing?

Love you guys already

Welcome to SR. Please explore the site...lots of good people here! Many of us don't use AA...it's not a prerequisite. :)

What I know is, you need to do whatever it takes. Never give up because this disease is relentless.

I think trying AA again is great - don't get hung up on the lingo - just go to be with like people who understand what you're going through.

When I went, I found people there to be more supportive of those who continue to try, whether it was 6 or 20 times in a year. Whatever it takes.

The only failure is in giving up. Continue trying, it's a sign of strength in doing whatever it takes to live in recovery.

People will understand and want to help you. Please let us know how it goes. Sending good thoughts your way. It'll be ok.

P.S. We love you too.

Welcome to SR! :grouphug: I hope we can help you to find peace in a sober life. :) Lots of information and support here, read our stories and ask your questions. This is a good place to hang out.

You and I are on the same page. I went to my first and only AA meeting last week and I walked away with your sentiments. I'll say that there are other AA meetings? What I mean is. I saw a private-practice Alcohol & Other Drugs counseler once for my drinking and he presented me with a whole bunch of meetings that were AA, yes, but tailored (supposedly) to a certain type of person. (Single, married, men, women, old, young, gay, straight, religious, not religious - that sort of thing.) I went to a meeting that is a few blocks from my apartment just because it was close, but, I intend to check out one of the one's that may be closer suited to my situation, my life.

So hopefully I get to one of those sooner than later.

Yours in AA procrastination (of course, due to alcoholism),

Eliot

I went to the 9am meeting. Only 7 people there, but I was welcomed back.

I don't know what it was about clicking on this forum 8 hours ago that has made me wanna quit again....some kind of magic seems to be at work, and I don't care, I hope to spend the rest of the day sober.

Thank you one and all for your kind and helpful support

Womble

Glad to hear the meeting went well, Womble.

I know what you mean about the 'magic' - I don't question it either - I just say 'thank you' out loud and do something with that guidance.

Explore this site, read stories about alcoholism and people's experiences - it's calming to know we're not alone.

A great book is "Chicken Soup for the Recovering Soul." It's full of short, real-life life stories from people who are on this amazing journey.

Keep coming back it works; Don't go away, it works even better. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...cons/icon7.gif

Hi Womble. Whether you accept AA's program or not is entirely up to you. Others on this forum have stopped drinking by other means. The unmanageabilty and insanity part is very easy to understand.

You have been trying to quit drinking for the past year and have not been successful.

You are on a 4 day runner.

You have a serious stomach condition and are still drinking.

To my mind, all of that sounds pretty unmanageable and insane. It was only when I became convinced that I could not stay sober, after much effort at trying, that I became willing to accept AA's program of recovery.

The program of recovery is the 12 Steps. I wanted nothing to do with a spiritual solution, and I started those steps as a staunch atheist. But what was I to do? I had a solid Step 1 experience of being unable to stay sober, despite the most sincere desire to not drink. My choice was, keep trying and failing, or accept spiritual help. I only did that because I saw it work for others. I took those 12 Steps, had a spiritual awakening, and recovered.

I haven't had a drink since. I have a life beyond my dreams.

I didn't follow AA's program because I wanted to, I followed it because there was nothing left for me except to continue drinking.

I believe that AA's program of recovery can work for anyone that is willing to surrender to it. I've seen it work for everyone that has sincerely taken the actions suggested.

Hi Wombie -

The key for me was just being open-minded to all the different approaches that might help. This was all new to me, so everything felt strange and uncomfortable (whether it was AA's spiritual solution or other approaches).

When I had moments of clarity, I always went back to the following question of myself: "So NewMe, how is your method working for you?" When I responded honestly, it was clear that my method wasn't working.

So, I decided to ignore my immediate flight/flight repsonse and just relax and try some other approaches.

I found that how I liked AA was dependent on the specific meeting group I went to. The overall program ended up being great, but I had to spend some time to find the right group.

But, in the end, it is up to you what you do. Just please be willing to listen to others who have been successful in recovery. They have a lot to offer.

A lot of people here got and stayed sober with the help of a program like AA, lots of us used different methods, like me.

What you'll find here is tons of support, understanding and friendship.

Welcome to SR!

Hi Womble :You_Rock_ Just wanted to wish you the best in your recovery. I am new to AA and have been working my way around the different types of meeting as well as different groups close to me. It is amazing how different each group is. I have recently found a few that I am really enjoying.

Lots of people seem to get hung up on the spiritual aspect of it all, I hear of some peoples HP being all sorts of things (jewelery box, the beach, their desire to quit, a tree etc.). Its the steps & working them with someone you trust/can work with that makes the difference. Along with listening to other peoples experience & sharing yours ;-)

All of the best in your recovery & stay close to SR, there are lots of great people who get what you are going through.

Take Care,

NB :welcome

Welcome to SR! Give AA a chance I know it's help a lot of alkis to recover. Good luck hope you can become sober!!

Thnx for the supportive messages.

I have come to a very enlightened conclusion regarding my drinking after a long coversation with my eldest son today.
I think I am fortunate that I had that relapse. The last month I have been really struggling not to pick up, by giving in, just for 4 days has taught me that
I AM powerless over alcohol. I only thought I would drink one night, but once I started I could not stop, the last night I drank (Tuesday) I was already in pain (as I suffer from a disease called Ulcerative Colitis).....but I cold not help myself but to pick up, and drink till the pain subsided.
The following morning when I found this forum, I was still in denial, but something happened. I realised that I was going to kill myself if I carried on, so I got on my knees, prayed, then balled my eyes out. (sad isn't it?) I then understood with claity ...what sane person would do what I had done,? It's like banging your head against a brick wall thinking it won't hurt you, thats insanity!!

Suddenly I feel free....I know and have heard enough about the aa programme in the 12 years I have been in and out of it to realise that what so many people have told me can come true, I have been in denial of the possibility of a higher power....now it appears that hp has rewarded me for my efforts, even though it came about in a strange way. I have always done service, helped others, done whats suggested...but just never "Got It" ....but I think that now I have, and now maybe I can move on with my life without being in constant fear of the monster lurking within, I feel liberated......and much of that came from coming here yeterday morning, why ? I have no idea, and it does not really matter.....God moves in mysterious ways indeed.!
Thank you for being here for me, I will always be here for u guys too

I wish you all peace and serenity

Womble

Womble, sad? Most definitely not. This kind of surrender and humility is the most joyous signs of strength in recovery. I'm so happy for you.

Be well.

Womble -

I am glad that you had this experience. Relapse is part of the recovery process for some, so don't beat yourself up, rather learn from it. Now you need to actively work on your recovery.


I love Chiang Mai, by the way.

I strongly suggest you quickly begin doing the Steps.
That's when I shifted from shakey sobriety
into solid recovery....:yup:

Blessings to you and your family
Welcome to our recovery community.....:wavey:

Thats great news Womble, may your experience give you the hope & strength you need. All of the best

NB :ring

Blown it!!!

I thought I had it and I've lost it, for some reason last night I decided that a few beers would be a great idea on a hot evening.
I really don't know why I did it, I had been to the morning aa meeting, spoke to aa's on the phone..what on earth am I doing wrong? It's really messing up my head, I am so so miserable I really don't know what to do...I have to go to a meeting I used to chair this morning to return the 7th tradition money, but I don't know if I can stand to be at the meeting, I had a relape last saturday and did not go to chair the meeting on Suday morning....I feel embarressed to be there, I have let them all down, I can't even be a reliable alcoholic...what to do????? Now I have lost the 3 days I had and that makes me feel even more stupid...I was not even out in a drinking situation argghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

Womble, it takes a lot to change a life. Took me years and many many tries.
This addiction really is relentless - we can't afford to entertain it even a little bit...and we can't wallow in our failures either....I think it's very important you go to your meeting.

Take the lessons from this - learn them - and move on, W.

D

Hi Womble,

You have not let anyone down. You are an alcoholic. Can you relate to this?

I was without any defense against the first drink and just knowing that I was an alcoholic was not enough to keep me sober, nor was swearing off, changing my lifestyle, one day at a time, positive thinking, going to meetings. None of it worked for me because all of those methods were down to my own will power.

The only way I have been able to stay sober is by working the 12 Step program of AA because the 12 steps takes me from will power to a Higher Power. You already have indictated that you have come to believe in your Higher Power. If you work the steps you will come to actually know your Higher Power. You really will have a life that you cannot even imagine now beyond your dreams. The problem of alcohol will be removed.

Please go back to those meetings, you will be welcome there. Everyone understands why you have been drinking. It would benefit you to find a sponsor, someone who has had a spirtual awakening, as a result of working the 12 steps. Why don't you ask them to show you how to do it.
Keep posting.

Womble,
There is no need to be put off by the "spiritual" aspects of the AA program. The spiritual awakening mentioned in the 12th step is a "personality change sufficient to recover from alcoholism". It is also called "an entire psychic change". Read the appendix on spiritual awakening in the back of the AA Big Book. A power greater than yourself can be the group of AA itself -- it did for me. I interpreted GOD as "good orderly direction" and "group of drunks". I used the qualities of the AA group itself (i.e., its strength, its wisdom, its compassion, etc.) to define my ideal of "God". This was not a religious "God" in any sense of the term. I am not an atheist, and I think most people could relate to these "spiritual" concepts that are defined in non-religious terms. Do you have a sponsor? Do you have a Big Book of AA? I would strongly recommend both of these as a starting point. SusanLauren

Hi Susan, I do have a sponser but he is in his 2nd week of a 4 week holiday.
He is very good ,but in the 12 months I have been in and out of the programme (out for 24 days) he has not taken me forward with the steps as he says I am not ready. I have to trust him, but even though I did not have a drink last night or tonight and have been to meetings both days I still think about drinking, even though my stomach is seriously playing up.

I was welcomed back yesterday at the meeting I used to chair and I brought one lady to tears with mys story of relape as it coul be HER story , she could relate so much, but it was tougher at another meeting this morning where they are mostly hardened old timers who don't really realte, or can't remember what relapses are like, they see so many come and go and I don't think they ever expected me to stay anyway to be honest, quite surpised I got this far...but of course I could be wrong, I normally am.
Thanx to everyone who has posted

I went to my first AA meeting when I was 14. I was in and out (mostly out) of AA for nearly 20 years--by means of the court, threat of divorce and institutionalization, taking my child, etc.

When I finally surrendered, admitted complete defeat, and accepted that I was powerless, I had picked up 4-5 white chips in less than a year. I always thought I was powerless, but somehow I'd convinced myself not drinking was a choice. My relapses over that year beat me into a state of reasonableness. I truly conceded to my innermost self. That's just what it took.

4 of those 5 white chips I picked up at unfamiliar meetings so that no one in my area would know the truth. I couldn't get honest about where I was really at. I was still playing the actor. But the last one I picked up where people knew me. It was humbling. For the first time in many years I felt like I was being really honest and sincere. It had nothing to do with what I said, it was my action that felt honest. I wanted everyone to know right where I was, for no other reason then I knew it and had to admit it, and it was one of the only right things I did for several weeks, but I believe it was very important.

In short, sounds like you are doing the next right thing.