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A public service announcement I've needed to say this for a while - had I posted here anytime in the years I was drinking, I would have made the same five posts over and over
All that happened to me, over and over and over and over... except in my case I did not get arrested and I do not drive. I finally realised the only way to stop the cycle is by not drinking - at all. Period. If you don't add the fuel, you don't start your engine. That makes sense to me. Took me twenty years to get there and realise that tho. I was trying to control my drinking - not stop it. I get it - this addiction is insidious...but please guys - do not follow in my footsteps. D |
Dee maybe you could also add how you got sober, it sounds like you did what everyone else proposes, to stop drinking and everything will be just dandy...is that all you did? How did you change the person inside of you, what was your awakening be it spiritual or other? I think a load of people make the same mistake i did and that is by thinking i would be able to think myself out of my problem and that included times of abstinance ranging from a few months to a year... I know AA works for me and not everyone HAS to go, but it really worries me when people look at someone and say psshhh these AA guys they go to meetings, read books etc and this other guy says he is an alcoholic and just stopped drinking, they don't go to AA all i have to do is stop drinking...really, is that true? Only share this if you want to, i'm not calling you out or anything lol Is there a Dee story in that one year sticky thing, maybe a link to it? |
((Dee)) - I could have written the same posts:( Unfortunately, not only have I been addicted to substances, I have been addicted to my partners in the same sick way (yep, I'm a codie). SR and the great people here have helped me deal with these addictions. It's taken ME a long time to get here, too. I always hope and pray that someone out there will stop their destructive ways much earlier than I did. Hugs and prayers! Amy |
Dee maybe you could also add how you got sober, it sounds like you did what everyone else proposes, to stop drinking and everything will be just dandy...is that all you did? I think most folks know my story. The turning point for me was acceptance - acceptance that I was an alcoholic - and the acceptance that I could not drink 'like everyone else'. So I stopped drinking. I did everything I could to maintain that commitment. I still do, nearly 3 years on - every day. I nearly died, so fear played a large part in that - I also spent a lot of time here@ SR reaching out, and a lot of time tossing and turning, kicking the walls and deliberately not going out when all I wanted was to run down the road and get a bottle. It's not easy but I believe it is possible to do that and not give in to the inner voice. The folks here helped me immensely by giving me faith in myself when I had none. But yeah, not drinking only got me so far. I see not drinking as only the first step in a long journey. I had to change the person I was too. My alcoholism *became* all pervasive but I believe I *started* to drink for definite reasons - mostly to fill a void within myself. To heal my 'void', the first step is to stop poisoning myself with drink. I then had to get into what the void was, and how best I could start healing it. It was a paradox for me to discover that the way towards that was not by thinking more about it, but actually thinking less, and doing more. I did a lot of service work here, and still do because it helps me to be of service and to give back after many years of taking. It also helps keep me grounded and in perspective. I also rediscovered my spiritual side - my initial recovery was secular - just don't drink...but it's hard to ignore the wonder in this world when you really start to recover. It's hard for me to drink when I'm connected to the world in a more than a material way, and when I'm humble and grateful for the blessings I get everyday. You know I could go on, but that's enough really LOL. I'm not looking to start a school - I hope my experience helps others but I'm just a guy who found what he needed because he really wanted to quit and he looked hard enough for the way that worked for him. I encourage everyone to do that. Start the process right away tho - don't wait for 'your way' to fall into your lap - you'll only find 'your way' by going out looking for it, trying a bunch of stuff - and not drinking. I learned from every single step on my journey - successes and mistakes, friends and foe alike. But I always kept walking forwards, not backwards :) D |
IMO:this World,would be a better place.. ..if there were more people,like you... ..I mean that Dee.. ..there is a whole lotta cr#p out there! ..You just seem to find away to cut thru it..Thank-you....Kim..:grouphug: |
Thanks Dee I'm not sure whether a school might not be a bad idea, it's great to read a bit about your story sitting here today and i do understand where you are coming from but fact is i would have seen it as a guy who just stopped drinking and maybe started cleaning the house a bit more before...clearly by your signature it is a lot more than that...mate you know that some people will go round and round for the rest of their lives just living in total denial, a small amount won't and will get sober somehow... People kept saying to me when i was here when drinking, about my proclomations about giving up drinking...so yeahgr8 what you going to do different this time...didn't get it, just kept doing the same thing over and over...couldn't see it at all and wouldn't listen to anyone...insane huh?! |
I think it's important to gain a new outlook yeah - my life didn't seem that insane to me because my life had = drinking for years, and most of the few people I interacted with were alcoholics too. It was chaos and purgatory but it was familiar chaos and purgatory and there was a kind of sick comfort in it. I not only had to stop anesthetising myself with booze, I had to take a deep breath and step outside that comfort zone in order to look back at my 'life' from a fresh perspective. D |
aunt dee, this ought'a be a sticky you forgot one "But" |
Hi Dee, This is a great post! When I read about someone saying they had a couple of glasses of wine on the weekend but, no more and everything was under control, it makes me cringe. What I see is a person who is being manipulated by the disease of alcoholism. When I read about someone who had a couple of glasses of wine on the weekend, but no more, and now they feel horrible, lost, desperate, it makes me cringe. This is also the disease of addiction keeping you hooked using shame and guilt. When you have a relapse, it's important to reaffirm what your goal is. Sit down and write out a new plan for yourself for the day. The old plan didn't work, so what can you do differently this time. Be deeply honest. Don't dismiss the relapse and don't get overwhelmed by the relapse. Make the changes you need to make and you can recover. |
Dee, I think you know how much you mean to me & how your words helped save me. I'm so happy you wrote this out for us, and I will make a copy of it & keep it nearby. Every day when I come here & read the new posts I long to reach out and say just the right words. The ones that will penetrate through the fog and truly help someone. You always manage to - as Ozy said - "cut through the crap." That's what we need here, but it's so hard to do it without being harsh, judgmental, or lecturing. I also had the revelation that I couldn't be a social drinker - many years before I finally quit. I'm sure I wouldn't be here today if I hadn't nearly died & cried out for another chance at life. It shouldn't have had to come to that. I could have killed someone in the process of finally getting it right. I hope your words will get through to those who need so desperately to hear them. I'm so thankful that I "heard" you and heeded your advice. |
Dee, I am new to sobriety. 6 weeks or so. I am very glad to have found this place. And I am amazed and feel so lucky to have found a mentor from half way around the world and in the other hemisphere to read daily and gain insight and hope from. Thank you. Your words mean a lot to me. |
Sweeeet!!
Originally Posted by Dee74
(Post 2531003)
It was a paradox for me to discover that the way towards that was not by thinking more about it, but actually thinking less, and doing more. I did a lot of service work here, and still do because it helps me to be of service and to give back after many years of taking. It also helps keep me grounded and in perspective. I also rediscovered my spiritual side - my initial recovery was secular - just don't drink...but it's hard to ignore the wonder in this world when you really start to recover. It's hard for me to drink when I'm connected to the world in a more than a material way, and when I'm humble and grateful for the blessings I get everyday. You know I could go on, but that's enough really LOL. I learned from every single step on my journey - successes and mistakes, friends and foe alike. But I always kept walking forwards, not backwards :) D :headbang: as always Dee, you find the best words to inspire, comfort, and mentor those around you, including yourself. Sobriety is indeed a wonderous paradox!! Have at it, my good man, and good journey now and always. Rob |
I finally put down my guns against alcohol and realized that it was a fight I could not win. Instead of trying to win, I had to surender to the fact that I can't control it. |
Thanks for that Dee, also thanks for sharing a bit of your recovery. Funny how we need to find a spiritual path to get our heads screwed back on straight. Thanks for doing what you do my friend! |
Having a personal addiction treatment program teaches me a new way of life without alcohol/drugs...that is as long as I'm willing to learn. For me recovery is a skill I can learn. Thank http://bestsmileys.com/dancing/4.gif goodness for secular recovery methods. |
This is an awesome post and thread...and exactly what I needed to read today. It brought tears to my eyes. Thank you... :) |
Originally Posted by Dee74
(Post 2530994)
If you don't add the fuel, you don't start your engine. That makes sense to me. this addiction is insidious...but please guys - do not follow in my footsteps. |
equivocally and simply, just don't pick up. So simple........... I do know that it is hard to stop and stay stopped. As long as you NEVER pick up again......... ;) Thanks for that psa Dee74 :e130: |
Dee.....as usual, you said it perfectly. Thank you. I so remember sobbing....if I could only quit....if I could only quit. I never, ever want to feel that hopelessness/helplessness again. Ever. This thread reminds me of those hellish days, and how fortunate I am to have climbed out of it. Thanks again, Dee. |
Thanks so much! (((((<Feeling a new bond>))))) |
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