having this cold...
 

and I feel like a mess...

I´ve convinced myself that smoking weed is okee again. This means I back to smoking everyday several joints...

I´ve been braking the habit a bit, today I smoked one joints durings lunch that´s all...I´ve called sick from work. Sleeping all day, I hope that tomorrow I have the strenght to stay clean. I hope that I will stay clean for the rest for the evening.

Each and everytime I convince myself I don´t have a problem, I´m okay, I don´t need to be sober all the day. Then a few weeks later i´m all as much I can.

It has gotta go, i´m really tired right now from fighting...

I found that I had to stop drinking completely, before I could stop fighting.

When you stop smoking, what other changes do you make in your life?

Anna makes a good point - did you ever get to those meetings? :)

Read back through your old posts CC - I used to do that when I felt my resolve weakening - for me, it was harder to rationalise the using thoughts when you're looking at posts you made from last time.

D