Lost
 

so a lot has been going on in my life lately. I come to grips with my addictions and its harder then I thought. I went to treatment about a year ago - I did everything I was supposed to do but I didn’t put my heart into it. ( hope that makes sense) as soon as I got out of treatment I started dating/living with a guy I met in treatment ( bad idea... ) we thought we could keep each other clean. no surprise that we were using in less then 2 weeks. we both feel deep into our addiction - but always joked that it was ok because we were the "cute junkie couple" looking back I see how sick that was. He was in and out of jail all the time and while he was locked up I cheated on him constantly. I didn’t think anything of it because it was "just sex" long story short I told him it was only once and lied about the rest. now 4 days ago I finally left him, moved 4 hours away back with my mom trying to get and stay clean for good. when he called last night and asked again about what really happen I confessed about everything. the pain I caused him is unreal. I can’t stop crying and all I was is a fix. so im going to a meeting tonight...my first one in a year and im terrified. I feel so ashamed about the things I have done. I want to move on in my life and get healthy but I can’t stop thinking about the pain I have caused my ex. I know it’s not healthy to dwell on it but I can’t help it. hopefully the meeting goes good...im nervous and scared to go though. sorry for rambling...just had to get it off my chest.

:agree

Welcome to SR, Katy. Stay around some, you will find a lot of support. Don't worry about rambling, that's what we do around these here parts... and help each other out as best we can.

:welcome

Hi Katy

Welcome to SR :)
NB is right - this is a great place for support. :)

We all did things we're not proud of in the past Katy - but I think what's done is done...the only day we can affect is today, so the important thing is what we do right now - so I'm glad you're back with your mom and going to a meeting.

There's time enough for amends later - the focus needs to be on you now, and getting well....there's a lot of people here who'll gladly share their experience with you, and make sure you dont have to do it alone :)

hope to see you some more
D

Welcome to SR. Right now...just focus on the moment. Take it easy...and breathe. I hope you'll stick around SR. Good group of people here.

Katy,
SoOo sorry things are rough. I did a lot of things ,while using, that I am not proud of. I think we all have. And I believe we have all caused our fair share of hurt and made the people in our lives suffer. That isn´t meant to gloss over the fact that what we did was wrong, but I agree with the others, its time to begin to work in earnest on what you started a year ago. This time with renewed vigor and with a new outlook. I only say this because I am just about where you are now, I am not worrying about my amends right now, I am just getting clean. EVerything else will fall in place and soon I will be able to make amends the way they should be made. It´s your time now. I wish you luck. Be strong, and keep coming to the forums
Chris