Handling a Rough Evening
 

Hi everyone,

It is only day five for me, and this is the worst time of night for me.. it's a half hour after the start of my usual "drinking hour" (or two hours). I am home alone and I am very anxious. Don't have a car at the moment as my daughter is using it.

I'd like to call my ex-BF (who doesn't want to talk to me cuz of crossing his boundaries, i.e. showing up at his house uninvited, somewhat drunk, and very emotional on two occasions) even though I KNOW he doesn't want to talk to me or else he'd call ME. Duh.

Right now I would love nothing more than to walk to the store and buy a bottle of wine (or tequila, or vodka, or anything) and get a buzz. Of course then I would definitely call him or end up on his doorstep. I just want to cry....it weighs so heavy on me that he won't forgive me for my transgressions. Of course, he has no idea that I am an alcoholic. Not a great excuse, but I don't think he realizes that I do/say things when I am drinking that I would never do or say when sober. I want to explain that to him, but somehow I think it will fall on deaf ears and I'll be even more hurt than I am now.

Help and advice would be appreciated.

Hi Rider,

If you don't feel like going out or don't have anyone to talk to right now or visit, (if you're even in the mood for that) just stay on here. Read and keep posting. It will get you through the night. It's gotten me through many rough nights when I wanted a drink :)

Or........ you could always do some shopping online, treat yourself to something nice, take a hot bath, eat something yummy. If you feel like venting, this is a great place for ya.

thanks sweets... i'll hang here... my emotions are right under the surface of my skin right now. just trying to focus on my recovery and not something I did that I can't take back, I can only apologize. Again and again and again.

One sincere apology is enough. You can't tattoo it on your forehead. Well, you could, but that would be weird, lol :)

Yes, focusing on your recovery comes first and foremost. Don't let your mind wander, that can be the worst thing.

Stay focused!

Apologize sure.. but actions speak much louder than words, as cliche' as it seems.. Live the life you'd be proud of. Regardless of whether it's him, or someone else you give your heart to down the road, actually living with good intention and honesty is going to make for such a better partnership.

Rider

Apologise if you feel you need to - but make sure you're apologising for more than your own benefit.

An apology at a lousy time is an lousy apology. If it's likely to fall on deaf ears, or make things worse for either one of you, I'd be inclined to wait.

I found I couldn't make people forgive me. Its a process both parties have to go through, and more than that, it's a process where I have absolutely no control over the timetable.

All any of us can do is show by our actions that we're sorry and we're committed to not making the same mistakes again.

D

Lots of good advice here, Rider.

And, it's hard for others to understand addiction, so your best bet is to show people with your actions, that you are changing.

all of you are so right. this truly IS a good place to hang.

sweets, i just GOT a tattoo above my bikini line, that HURT, think i'll forego the one on the forehead!

smacked, dee, anna... i know all you say is true. i just have to put one foot in front of the other and let my actions speak aloud.

thanks guys. i do appreciate it. y'all got me through this rough spot tonight.

I'd like to suggest you spend some time with AA people so you're not alone with your thoughts. ;)

They love to give out phone numbers.

my daughter came home and we hung out and talked. she is my biggest support. she knows everything about me and she still loves me :)

she is 18 and does not (nor does she have any desire to) drink or do any kind of drug. i love her so much.

Hi Rider

That ex boyfriend of yours will be blown away when he sees the new, confident, more attractive, awesome new you!! He will be falling at your feet in a few short months... but by then, you might not want him anyway because you will be so madly in love with yourself :)

Thats my prediction for you if you stay on the sober road.

shelly, that was so darn nice of you to say! and gee, i hope you are right.

Just keep chatting and reading on here. The info and the people here are great support =)

yep Blood, this is a good place. works for me. :)

Hope your evening went well!

agreed :)